completely inappropriate comments- remaining polite

[Jimjams]

What do you do when someone who you need to be polite to says/does something totally inappropriate.

For example this weekend SIL and her dh came to stay. Thye told ds1 off continually. SOmetimes appropriately, but often when he was being autistic. SO for example he was told off for "kicking" when actually he was stimming - and not told to stop (fair enough) but actually told off as if he was doing it on purpose. Then oushed off a lap with a gruff "go and play" (he was actually cuddling at the time). Apart from the fact he can't play- oh well.

The icing on the cake really was being asked whether we had every considered just giving him a good slap. Yes well that will help him talk won't it.

Sigh. The sad thing is ds1 wants to please so much!

And your second post, the one about your MIL, is making my blood boil, Jimjams. Though not autistic, my ds has elements of obsessive compulsive behaviour (which also runs in my family) and MIL and SIL blame it on my raising him with "American" habits (whatever that means!) or simply indulging him too often. The problem with obsessive compulsive behaviour, as you well know, is that you DO have to indulge it or you end up destabilizing the person's entire world. What infuriates me is that these people actually BELIEVE they are educated, intelligent and have somehow "superior" manners. Like I said in my last post, I've taken to matching their directness with directness. But I only came to that a month ago. I was polite for a long, long, long time.

Sounds to me that they do not have much understanding of children let alone autism jimjams. you have my sympathy too.

I think part of the problem is we don't see them very often. Therefore the kind if inbuilt need to be polite. Also the last 2 times we have seent hem it has gone really well, which is partly why we were both stunned. I also tend to leave dh to sort his family out iyswim. I asked him why he didn't say anything (usually he does- especially where ds1 is involved) and he just said he was too taken aback.

Anyway watching child of our time last night really cheered me up (which is unusual as usually it completely depresses me). The little shy boy really reminded me of ds1- the way everyone pushed past him on the slide- that's exactly like ds1. So it was nice to have it confirmed that our approach of lots of praise is the "right" one.

Having been left feeling a bit like I've done several rounds wth a boxer, I won't accpt it if it happens again, and will have a quiet polite word.

I've suggested books for them to read. I don't think MIL has read any, although I know SIL has read multicoloured mayhem.