To tell my Ds he has AS or not?

[bishybashyboshy]

My Ds Had a Dx of AS he is 8, the question on my lips is..should I tell him? I have known since monday and after sitting and watching him all week I have being toying with the idea of telling him, so he understands why he sees things so differently. Has anyone else done this? If so at what age and did it have an impact (good/bad) on your Dc?

Hi,

My brother has asd and my parents waited until he asked them if he had it before telling him. A bit strange I know. He was in high school at this point, and although he was in the mainstream classes, he used the special unit for break times and lunches. He did go to a special school when he was younger until 7 or 8, and he does remember that, being around other special children but he never asked any questions then. I think, as a sister being in the same school as him, my problem was the fear that other children would say something to him before he found out, and thus I encouraged my parents to tell him. At first he did become quite depressed and confused, how exactly did he see things differently from others? But now, he's 20, I don't think he's bothered. I think it's explained why he had extra help or did his exams in a different room kind of thing, but since he's been at uni, he's chosen not to access these extra resources.
Abby

bishy I'm wondering exactly the same thing!
Polter would the Cats book work with a DS who doesn't actually have Asperger's, can it be adapted for a more general dx?

Sorry to hijack!

I didn't tell my DS2 until he was 11 that he had ASD, although he was DXed at 3.5. TBH, I didn't think he'd understand before then, and he wasn't at all unhappy with himself so I didn't think he needed to know due to any problems with self esteem. I think it really depends on your DC's level of understanding, and if knowing may give them some relief from anxiety about themselves, then telling them ASAP is important.

I emphasised the positives (maybe over egged them a bit ) and the fact that he was different, but equal, IYSWIM.

thanks!

It was suggested to us that we ought to tell him as a way of him understanding why he was the way he was - it was really obvious to him that he was different to other boys his age.

It seemed to help him to know that there was a reason why he was so anxious / scared / ruled by ritual etc.

He's 7 polter

My DS is 11 and I've been open about it since before the assessments, i.e. I explained to him that the reason he is having difficulties at school may be that he has Asperger's and that the professionals were going to have a look at that to see if he does have it.

I can almost say he enjoyed the assessments, and we've verbally been told he meets cut-off points and the criteria for a diagnosis, but are awaiting the final report. When we get it, we'll have another appointment with the psychologist, who will explain it to my DS, although I have already explained quite a bit to him. We've also watched the excellent CBBC documentary about autism together.

I am hoping knowing he has got AS will help him recognise his strengths and weaknesses, and more willing to accept help when he needs it. I am a great believer in openness and honesty, even when things may be difficult to take in. DH and I are there to support him and his brothers, who also have a hard time with his behaviour. DS is high functioning and of course I had to explain to him why we were seeing all these people, so that provided a natural situation to tell him about it. When he asked what we were going to do or who we were going to see, I simply had to answer honestly.

Up to you, but my DS got his dx at 9 and it was a huge relief to him to know that he wasn't possessed or evil or weird, just different and the difference had a name.
Helped him start learning to cope and interact.
Ten years on and he's out and proud!

My daughter was struggling with feeling different to her peers and was greatly relieved when she found out why! I had a book written from the pov of a boy with Aspergers and it explained some of the potential issues (sensitivity to loud noises, confusion in the playground etc...) with illustrations. It was designed to give peers information and there are some teaching tips at the back for school staff. I happened to 'leave a copy lying around' and DD 'found' it and was reading through getting more and more excited, saying 'that's just like me' until finally she asked if she had AS. We then had a good conversation (followed up by a visit to the psychologist who we explained could answer any questions).
www.amazon.co.uk/Can-Tell-About-Asperger-Syndrome/dp/1843102064/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1361613437&sr=1-2 is a link to the book.

I'm so glad you started this thread op. I thought I was alone. Ds is 10. I have known since he was 3. I don't know how to tell him

Thank you poltergoose.

Notnagging, you are in a very similar position to where I was. I decided to tell DS2 before he went to secondary school, as once there he would be mixing with DC who had never met him before and I guess I wanted to make sure that he heard he had autism from me rather than from them.

I could also make sure that he heard about it in a positive way, that his first knowledge of ASD was that there were as many if not more positives to it as negatives. I didn't want him to feel it was an insult if he heard others using the term 'autistic.'

I kept it at his level of understanding and didn't use a book, because they all seemed to be aimed at DC with Aspergers and DS2 has HFA but not Aspergers. I told him that his brain worked differently to most of his friends, it meant he was good at Maths, remembering facts, computers etc (whatever applies, be over enthusiastic ) like Einstein, Bill Gates etc, but meant he found some things harder, waiting, thinking up ideas in literacy, friendships. (Again, whatever applies, especially those things that may be worrying him.)

Told him it was because he was on the autism spectrum (didn't mention disorder) he was autistic, like lots of other people. He might find some things more difficult at school, which was why Mrs. Xxxx worked with him sometimes, but that he was just as clever (hmmm) as anyone else.

He was completely unbothered, BTW HTH

hello thanks for the responses, don't worry about the hijacks I would probably do the same if someone was asking about something I was thinking . My ds was chatting to me yesterday telling me that sometimes at school( he tends to keep school very much separate from home!) he wishes that someone would play with him but they don't seem interested in him . He has never really mentioned himself as being different but I think this may be down to the fact that I have always told him that 'everybody' is different when he has asked me questions about various things. But then when he got onto the subject of not being able to do his work sometimes he seemed really confused as to why this was happening and he just kept saying I really don't know why, I wish I knew why. So I think I will have a little sit on it for a week or so then have a little chat...just need to make sure I know what to say before I do like Ellenjane said giving examples of his strengths and weaknesses.