aaaaargh feel stressed about whats happened

[thriftychic]

ds2 (13) was feeling ill at school this morning . He went to the office where the pastoral lady told him to sit on the chairs outside the office and see if he felt better. When she checked on him he had gone , apparently to his classroom. From the classroom he was texting me asking me to come and get him as he felt ill . so , i phoned school and said that i would come and get him but just as i was about to ring for a taxi (no car) school phoned back to say that ds2 had got in trouble in his class for breaking the rules and using the mobile phone , they had called on-call (as he was protesting that he needed to text me as he was ill ) and now they didnt know where he was.
just as i was about to get in the taxi , ds2 arrives back home . He rides home on his bike normally but i am annoyed that a) he left school without them knowing and B) if he was ill it could have been down to his epilepsy or anything and might not have been safe to ride home which is why i was going to get him ! i almost missed him aswell .

i think if the pastoral office lady had been specific and told him to sit for x amount of time and then she would call me at home he probably wouldnt have been texting me anyway. but she just said sit on the chairs . he doesnt do waiting , especially on his own.

previous to this they have marked him present when he was absent and he was out of school all day without me knowing.
last week we had an incident before school and he was threatening violence , i called the police and ds2 did a runner . school didnt tell me he had turned up there for an hour whilst my mum was all over town looking for him and so were the police.
i am waiting for the head teacher to phone back but i might have a long wait!

any thoughts ?

Goto the school and don't leave until the head will speak to you.

Bugger, doesn't sound great. It's really tricky with MS schools, they're just not set up to hold on to vulnerable DC. If he just upped and left, I guess there's not a lot beyond restraining him, that they can do, except to contact you and the police as appropriate.

It does sound like this could have been nipped in the bud earlier, but at my MS primary (I'm a TA) DC who feel I'll are told to sit on the chairs outside the office for a bit to see if try start to feel better. It's a daily occurrence for DC to 'feel ill' so it takes a bit of time to find out if it's genuine before contacting the parents. I guess, though, if your DS's medical needs are properly documented, and your DS and the pastoral woman were following the proper procedure if he feels unwell, she should have advised you more quickly. She may not understand just how your DS takes things so literally, even if she should know, IYSWIM.

Considering the other issues your DS has had with the school, I think you need a meeting with the SENCo to agree some sort of plan to properly support your DS at school. He's on school action? He may need more support on occasions when things are different to normal, like when he feels ill, and his needs must be adequately communicated to all staff who may deal with him. In a large school, when not all DC are known to all staff, a really good, automatic communication system is very important.

People will assume,rightly or wrongly, that your DS will act NTly unless they know he isn't NT and understand what that means.

Feel ill. Stupid autocorrect.

thanks for the input . i am not happy with the headteachers response . Tbh shes renowned for being a bitch and shes just lived up to her name . she wouldnt take any responsibility for him having left the school saying that he has to know that his behaviour is unacceptable and he chose to get his bike and leave without them knowing. she said that they cant know the whereabouts of the students at all times and the gate had only been opened for a short time for the construction workers . She was really unpleasant the way she spoke to me
actually and spoke over me telling me she had to go , other parents were waiting.
she went on and on about him having used his phone in school and when i said he has sn and if he had been dealt with more effectively he probably wouldnt have used his phone she told me that they stick to the rules at her school sn or not.
i got nowhere basically . as far as i was aware the school are responsible for keeping him safe and inside the school .
could i ring ofsed or something ?
fuming and upset !

What are your Parent Partnership like thrifty?

You could give them a ring for some advice. You also need to put your complaint in writing to the Head Teacher and maybe the Govenors too.

You need to check what the protocol for complaints is because OFSTED wont look into your complaint unless you have followed every step.

Ridiculous that they just allowed him to walk out though, there was a thread on here last week about a boy who walked out of school and went home and killed himself

Very bad situation, really feel for you

I know so so sad about that boy

school didnt know where he was when i was on the phone and i told them i would be there in 10 minutes not thinking he would have actually left the building ! when he turned up at home i then phoned back to tell them that they couldnt find him because he was actually now at home , dont think they even knew he had left !

surely that isnt acceptable ? i expected an apology
the head seemed to think they were the wronged ones , by my naughty child. i agreed he had been naughty etc but thats no good for keeping him safe is it ! He might do it again now he knows he can and next time he could go anywhere .
i have never spoken to parentpartnership before , dont know much about them .

They are meant to be impartial but are sometimes very closely linked to the LA but having said that my local one is good and will give advice on the procedures and correct protocols.

LA red tape is made hard to negotiate and ofsted are worse, so PP can help with that.

The staff at my local one are caring and genuinely care about the children, so try to help with negotiations to get the best outcome for the children.

I agree that they have set a really bad precedent by allowing him to leave. HT sounds charming

Good luck

Tbh I think your ds made all the wrong choices. He went back to class without telling anyone. He then used his mobile and got into trouble for doing so. He then left without permission and cycled home. I don't know what your ds difficulties are though. Why didn't he wait for school to call you? I think getting angry with school here is very counter productive. I am guessing the class teacher wouldn't chase your ds on his bike to stop him leaving school as this would be dangerous and counter productive as he was by this point angry that he had been told off for using his mobile phone. Secondary schools are not locked down buildings. Does your ds need more support? What would you like the school to do to prevent him running off? Other than locking all the doors and restraining him. I am not sure what else they could do.

i also think , actually know ,that ds2 made all the wrong choices . in fact he constantly makes all the wrong choices but to my mind no matter what the issues or challenging behaviour the child displays the school should be vigilant about spotting escapees ! he wouldnt have left if there was a teacher watching and they actually had no idea where he was , whether he was in the building or not . the school , as i thought most are (maybe wrongly) is normally locked but because construction work is going on they had it unlocked .
Do schools expect the kids to stay there on trust , even ones with disabilities who might view the world in unusual ways ?

He might be 13, and he might have made the wrong choices, but I think the headteacher needs to be reminded of in loco parentis safeguarding responsibilities, here. Assuming that his ability to make consistently good choices is not what would be expected of a typical 13 year old, then they should surely be making more effort to ensure that he understands what's required of him, and when it does go tits up for any reason (I'm sure he was convinced he was doing the best thing possible by contacting you himself) and he does leave the premises, if they know about it, they need to get straight on the phone to you.

the school are responsible. They can follow all the "rules" they like but, if a child has SN, is having a bad day, is ill and is a known escapee then common sense would be seeing as he has been there a while is that someone STAYS with him whilst sat on the chairs not left on his own!

Yes he did make the wrong choices but tbh if DS is under the weather one wrong choice only escalates into another one and so on.

They didnt safeguard him, he was ill and wanted to come home. If he is of a rigid nature the "going home" bit would be his plan and no budging.

Looking at it differently I know but I dont feel he was looked after, dealt with by the pastoral lady correctly as if he had then he wouldnt have been on his way home.

If they want him to abide by rules and teach him then they must be by his side to help him follow them?