Post Diagnosis Rant

[LimboLil]

Hi this is a bit of a special needs aibu and I know I am. Little man was diagnosed with ASD recently. I know this is a good thing and it will help with statement etc. I should not be moaning about this as I guess it's a good thing that support is available but already had to make a gazillion copies of the report for DLA, school etc. Various forms asking for feedback on the diagnosis process. Invite to post diagnosis support group. Date in the diary for Early Bird course. Information sent on local training courses and NAS. I know it's all good, I do, but it just feels like overkill or I'm not ready for all this focus. Also got dates in diary to visit schools etc. I just feel a bit aaaaggggh. I have found the forums on here and other sites very helpful but this all feels a bit, well, real. I'm sorry for moaning and I know lots of people are desperate to get a diagnosis so especially sorry to them and two weeks ago I was in the same boat but my god, it just feels like WHOOSH, everyone's coming at me from all angles. The funny thing is my little man is being a poppet lately and I would just like to spend some time with him and his brother next week and chill out. Just needed to get it off my chest. I think it's a bit of a delayed reaction to the diagnosis, I was fine to start with but now I feel a bit like telling everyone to p off and leave me alone!!!! Also, so many people keep asking me how he has (people who know we have been having assessments) and it's like they're fishing really to know the outcome. Do they really want to know how we are or do they just want to know what he's got? Luckily I do have a friend already in the same boat but a few years down the line and thank god for her frankly!

Thanks PolterGoose sound advice, especially delaying the Early Bird as they allocate a place for a school professional but I have decisions to make about that first .... Re friends, yes it's tricky. I really need to make a few new ones for my little man I think. I never really had a circle of friends around him and it got more difficult as his difficulties became apparent. School mums from his year don't talk to me (!) but to be fair whilst it has all been going on I haven't been friendly either, I wanted a firm picture of where we were going with him. It's just too complicated to explain! At least if anyone is rude enough to come out and ask is he ASD I can say yes he is, not well maybe, we are going through assessment etc which sparks a million questions. Also for my older son, when he has friends to play, at least I can tell their mums if I need to as I think their children must come home and paint an interesting picture of our home life. I have noticed his invites and playdates wane in the last year but I like to think that I am just paranoid and it is not related to my my younger son.

Feel a bit better today! Sort of. Well not really. But the sun is shining :-)

it is a bit overwhelming and that is the hardst time, to be honest but it gets better and the sooner you can recover from crying, the better you can help your child. how old is he?

OP you have to balance. What can wait?

I 'probably' should have spent a little less time researching how to 'fix' my ds, online shopping for products and books to 'fix' him and actually spent a little bit more time with him in the early days, especially as given much of my research just started to say the same thing after a while and things like the earlybird course I already knew (and disagreed with half of it too by then).

Search for quality, not quantity. Evaluate the usefulness of an appointment and ditch any well-meaning but hopeless intervention/advice/support. Seriously, just because you get a service doesn't mean that it is better to have it than spend time with your ds.

I can identify with that Starlight. I have just spent eight months researching like mad, I have bought resources, identified the things I want to do to make home life better and wheels are in motion to sort out the mess that is school. I just needed the diagnosis to be able to make these things happen and to be able to confidently deal with cringey situations that arise without losing my rag and telling ignorant folk to do one!! (well actually I might still do a bit of that lol) I'm a bit twitchy about support groups. Takes me back to antenatal classes where I found that just because we all had a baby at the same time, didn't mean that we had eff all else in common really! But, we are new to this and over time I'm guess we will want to make use of some of these things. I am lucky that I have a good friend with an older child with ASD and she has given me lots of useful info. Have to say though, I have noticed too, that parents of children with SN can be just as judgemental and competitive to each other as the parents of 'normal' children I have experienced with my other son!!

Zumbaleena, he's five, with hindsight he could have been diagnosed earlier I think. It's taken 8 months which I think is pretty good going. Although I guess 5 is still pretty early in the game. I just think the last two years could have been less hellish if he had been diagnosed but I guess I played a hand in that, want to let things ride for a bit.

I meant wanting to let things ride for a bit. He was on sn register and under SALT but I procrastinated with referral for diagnosis.

It is overwhelming and I used to panic that I wasn't doing enough. Like star bought tons of books and resources. In the end I made a very very long list, prioritised it and took it one thing at a time. The DLA form was too much to think about at the time and I ended up putting it aside for 8 months whilst I focused on getting a statement.

Did go on a parenting course fairly early on but it felt necessary for DH who was struggling to get his head around ASD but wouldn't read the books.

I have a big notebook and a year on it's helpful to see how far we've come and look back at things that were issues at the time but have now resolved or become less of a problem. It's quite a positive thing to have to look at actually as you spend so much time listing all the problems it's good to be able to see when things have moved on a changed.

Cats, yes I think it will be more useful for my hub. He doesn't like reading stuff even though my Kindle is packed with books and internet history is all related stuff! Annoying isn't it! I think the parenting course will be useful for both of us, there are lots of behaviours that I recognise as being part of his ASD which my doesn't necessarily. But I certainly don't have the answers on what to do about it!

dearest limbolil....never is late to start for dc. i know it is overwhelming but it definitely gets better. reding other's people's stories on net will give you a bit of comfort and hope. as star said and she is a veteran on this, search for quality, as money is what will see you through this process. use it wisely and spend more time with dc.

also...people can surprise you at times. you get hurt by other's comments...it is natural....but this phase will also pass. it is good to share with a few understanding friends as this is an issue that can hurt us deeply. but learn to prioritise....what others say does not really matter and the situation in UK is still a lot better than in other parts of the world. we. for all sorts of reasons, cannot even tell family that dd may be on spectrum. But I have a thick hide....someone ca try messing me about and I will rip them apart. youhave to be internally strong and priritise what is best for your kid. have you looked into ABA?

Aaaggghhh to prove my point, the phone has just rung! Autism research project! Blimey, you think they'd give it a couple of weeks. Nice lady. I said I'd read through the stuff and give her a call back some time. Told her I've never been so popular! (I was prioritising, Starlight ;-) )