Moving; house, area, schools etc with a 5 year old with asd!

[RollingThunder]

We are planning to move to a new area. Lots of really positive reasons to do it and we are going ahead, house going on the market next week! (Eeek)!

The issue is that ds1, who is about to turn 5 has Asbergers!

I have no idea how to cushion this for him and am imagining him in serious meltdown for months, specially as we will probably have to rent for 2/3 months before we buy! So it's two moves really.

Current instinct is to tell him as late as possible (I.e. when we start packing) but to take him to the new area, for days out, a few times, so that at least he's seen it and knows it a bit.

Any advice or suggestions?

I can't give any better advise or suggestions than poltergoose as I will be moving soon too, but that is some great advice!

I hope all goes well with your move

We moved house/school with DS with mild Aspergers when he was 7. Great advice from PolterGoose leading up to the move.

We talked about the move quite a lot, in general terms, calmly, matter of fact.... "when we move we wont have to do x", "when we move we'll be nearer x or be able to do y", "when we move what shall we plant in the garden"....

I have to say that he coped much better than I was expecting. The worse bit was saying goodbye to the old house for the last time, it was very emotional. He then went and stayed with grandparents while we unpacked and cleaned the new house. We painted his bedroom with the same colour paint as his old room and when he got home all his things were in his cupboards, same pictures on the wall, bed all made etc.

I think the most important thing is to be calm and organised for him, moving is so stressful anyway, let alone the further issues faced. But if its the right thing for the family, then absoleutly we shouldnt shirk from doing these things.

Hope you find a buyer quickly and can get started on the adventure!

Thank you all so much. All being taken on board. Like the idea of talking about it calmly, photos etc. if we have to rent first may call it holiday home to show temporary, also having all his stuff ready and special present.

DS1 who is now 12 hates surprises and needs to know what is happening but he copes really well with big change - largely because he does not have an emotional attachment to places or even what I imagined were friends - and so has changed school and moved into rented accommodation without a backward glance - out of sight/out of mind iykwim. He can't cope with small changes - meltdown/aggressive/violent response.

Is there anything that he does not like about the house now? DS1's priorities were a large garden and some hardstanding to scooter. Renting gives you a lot of flexibility. Show him pictures on Rightmove or Google, use Google earth, visit the school websites once you have found a house. If his desires are not too excessive you can tell him that you need time to have a good look around for a house that he would like when you come to buy. btw don't take him to visit properties until you have found the one and signed on the dotted line.

If he is like DS1 he will appreciate no surpises and certainty.