4-year-old with ASD - behaviour issues

[KatherineAmy]

Hi, I was wondering if anyone can give advice on how to deal with DS's behaviour. I'm sitting here in tears after yet another awful day.

His behaviour has been really bad in the last few weeks. He's rude, bossy, seems irritated by everything I do and say, has lots of tantrums, yells ... and I have no idea how to deal with it. I've taken him to the doctor in case something physical's causing it, but they couldn't find anything. Nothing I do seems to make any difference. I find I'm dreading each day.

Would really welcome any advice or just to hear from someone who's been through similar. Thanks.

We used a behavioural method called ABA . Do you have consequences in place - eg rude, shouting bossiness = no tv for an hour?

Hi, thanks for the reply. One of my problems is that it's really hard to have consequences as my son hardly likes anything! He won't watch TV or DVDs, he doesn't like toys ... so there's not much I could take away from him. I tell him clearly that his behaviour is wrong, but it's really escalated in the past few weeks (for no obvious reason).

Many, many, many of us have been through similar, you're not alone

As sickof says, do you have any 'rules' and consequences? We do ABA too, which is a therapy/teaching method based on positive reinforcement. It might be worth you looking into this. We started it when ds was 3.6 and it made a huge difference to behaviour. The basic principle is that you give reinforcement (either rewards, or attention) for the behaviour that you want to increase, and give no reinforcement whatsoever (which usually means no attention) to the behaviour you want to 'extinguish'. Like Supernanny on an intensive level. It is sometimes called Intensive Behavioural Intervention.

If you're interested a good place to start is a book Motivation and Reinforcement by Robert Schramm (on amazon).

I don't think reasoning with little ones works well always; sHowing can be better than telling. Has he no fave items that could be taken away? I have a v stern face and angry tone which stops my boy short , even if he doesn't understand the actual words "who on earth do you think you are talking to" . I know it isn't fashionable, but I think kids need to know that mummy is the boss. It does him no favours in later school life to feel that he rules the roost

I've tried rewarding good behaviour and ignoring bad behaviour, but it doesn't seem to have worked.

No, he doesn't have any items he's really attached to. Today I tried doing the stern face and angry tone thing - the first time he seemed a bit shocked and went and did what I'd asked him to do. But later on today it didn't seem to make any difference.

Thanks for all the replies, by the way - I really appreciate it.

What about food? Or your attention? These are the two things my ds still rates above anything else

sorry posted too soon. I meant, use those as rewards. So eg he gets a bit of his favourite food when he does what you ask - even if it's something small like just sitting down or something.

If you can afford it, I really would recommend the robert Schramm book.

I've had a quick look at that book and it sounds good - may order it. (Though have ordered books before and barely found the time to read them, let alone act on them - which I know is my fault).

DS isn't very motivated by food. He likes chocolate, but I'm not very keen on the idea of giving him more chocolate, especially as I'm wondering if it makes his behaviour worse. He likes my attention - but recently has been just as difficult when he has my full attention as when he doesn't.

Thanks again - I'm going to bed now (hoping an early night might help) so won't be able to write any more replies tonight.