DS getting into playground scrapes

[inappropriatelyemployed]

Just as it says really. Nearly 10, AS, bright but gets into scrapes. For example today one of the smaller kids was chasing him and grabbing him and he punched him

He has had a couple of incidents recently where he has retaliated but because his TA dealt with it, he didn't give his side of the story so it all had to be unpicked later.

This time, he was taken to speak to the head which is actually a good thing as he feels comfortable talking to him. So they discussed what had happened.

My problem is, how do you help him disengage? This has got better but he has done this for years. In fact it was one of the key concerns we first raised when he started school at 4!

We have got the EP in soon so I am going to ask her too and ask if she will work directly with DS but any suggestions would be much appreciated.

Hmmm, similar issues here.
DS would thump anyone who bumps him accidentally, who touches him unexpectedly. He can be quite defensive if he is feeling a bit anxious about other stuff and would lash out in a seemingly innocuous situation.

I have warned and warned school that this is how he is. He is allowed to stand first in lines, given space and warnings if he is going to be in a crowd. He has a TA who is with him for some playground time but not all of it. They now know that, if he gets caught lashing out at someone, he may not be able to explain what led up to him doing it i.e. how he may have been provoked.

I've also taken the view that lashing out is just not acceptable either in school or at home, and I come down hard on it, and support school when they do.
With time, and repetition, and repetition and repetition, he is learning to explain how he feels and to recognise when he is getting stressed.

Thanks. I'm glad I'm not alone. To work with him on it, I try not to punish but I may up the praise for managing things positively - every time he gets through a break without a problem.

Is this a 1-1 TA at break times? If so, then they should be observing and intervening when appropriate to show your DS the options for handling the situation.
There also needs to be a set routine for incidents so that they are all dealt with in the same manner. I find too often that behaviour policies are ad hoc in schools and similar incidents can be handled by different staff in different ways. Consistency is key.

Yes I find that works massively better with DS.
Give him a target of good behaviour to aim for...great results.
Give him a level that he can fall down to, he'll get stroppy and upset, and will fall to it .

Are school good and will they listen to the fact that he may not be aware in advance of the issue?

I was lucky that DS got into a bit of trouble about 18months ago (sent to Principal's office which is BIG trouble here). He had hit another child.
The following day, 2 other children remarked to teacher that the other child had started it, by nit-picking at DS. So, school got it when I said that he often would not know who or what had annoyed him but would lash out at the shove from the other child. Subsequently, CT saw something similar happen on a school trip. Yeay!

Good point. He has a full-time TA but really dislikes her. That is yet another battle.

Oh no
Is it a rational dislike or as ASD one? (you know, the holding-a-grudge-since-the-dawn-of-time-because-this-one-time-you-looked-at-me-wrong grudge?)

I would take the TA out of the equation and suggest that for certain incidents (give examples) that the HT should be the only person to deal with it. Explain that over - explaining an incident confuses/upsets DS and that sanctions imposed are therefore not understood and therefore worthless.
Can the HT and DS set up a behaviour agreement where DS understands what rewards and what sanctions would be given for different behaviour. So if he walks away (doesn't physically re-act) from a situation where he feels he has been provoked, he gets x amount of his choice of reward. If he physically re-acts to being provoked then an agreed (with DS) sanction is imposed.

Bit of both on the dislike bit. She has consistently demonstrated poor understanding and is quick to blame him rather than investigate.

I have said we need to ensure he can talk to someone he trusts so I will try and confirm this continues.

I will check who is monitoring break etc. We have a part time SENCO so it is either going through the head or the NQT but I am always bothering people!

Going through puberty early? Boys are going through this earlier and earlier nowadays.