How do I convince DS he must walk away from trouble?

[bigbluebus]

DS (16HF ASD) was involved in a minor altercation yesterday with a slightly younger boy but for once it does not appear that DS was the instigator of the trouble and there were others involved too.
In discussing the incident and how DS should have just ignored,ignored,ignored (he couldn't move away as was on a minibus), we got onto talking about wider dangers of becoming involved in fracas when out and about. DS due to start 6th form in Sept and I'm sure it won't be long before he wants to go into town at night, with all the dangers that presents. Currently he does not go further than the village at night where most people are known and it doesn't pose much risk.
SO we talked about what would happen if he was, for example, waiting for the train home and a group of youths who were the 'worse for wear' started annoying him or even jostling him. DS just doesn't get the 'move away' bit and is adamant that he will 'stand up for himself' ie punch anyone who does it to him. He thinks we're being ridiculous when we say that he cannot anticipate what danger he is putting himself in as he would not know if they had a weapon or another gang of mates aroud the corner. He thinks we are being ridiculous - probably a result of living in a rural relatively low crime area but these things do happen ocassionally and in any event DS is planning on going off to a city to Uni in a couple of years time, where life is very different.
SO how can we convince him that he must remove himself from 'incidents' and not become embroiled in arguments/fights just because he thinks people will think he is a 'wuss' if he doesn't stick up for himself.

TBH, the thing I worry about most is that his resulting actions will get him in trouble with the law, where he'll rub up the police in the wrong way due to his communication issues.

It's all very admirable, standing up for yourself, and you do not doubt his physical ability, but his disability (or different thinking) will put him at a disadvantage if things escalate.

Would something like that work?

Thanks for that suggestion startlight. Its worth a try, but I am still not sure he 'gets' that. I have in the past tried to explain that altercations he as got into in school could have landed him in trouble with the police if they had happened on the street. He is definitely at the stubborn, pig headed, know -it- all teenage stage, nothwithstanding his ASD. His ASD just makes him act without thinking, more than most at that age. It is a serious worry for the future, as his difficulties are not obvious to others and yet make him very vulnerable. He understands other dangers - just not this one.

I see were he is coming from (this was an approach I finally took when I had been bullied for 10 years, I didn't like it but from my point of view nothing else was working) my son went through a phase of believing he needed to stand up for himself or things will get worse when he gets bigger (thanks to his dad's random input once when he was very frustrated ). BUT as starlight says he could really do some damage if he wanted too and this is what frightens me he is not a fighter to begin with, but his strength for a boy his age is quite scary TBH if someone is hurting him he tends to react in a very immature way or even hide but if it is pain being inflicted on someone he calls his friend that's different, he becomes very protective. After many quiet chats with my other half we have come to the conclusion that he needs to learn to protect himself so his dad has started to teach him blocks etc from many martial arts he has mastered over the years, so if he does get involved on behalf of a friend (something we will never be able to stop him from doing,we have tried) and everything turns soar he won't have to fight. Could you not persuade your son (taking into consideration his age of course) to join a martial arts club so he can learn to look after himself without using his fists, so he will still feel that he has defended himself but without the chance of the knock on the door from the plod, this would also teach him self discipline so he will be able to think before throwing the punches?

Hi, I'm in a similar situaiton to you at moment I have a 13yr old daughter with aspergers and she had her first big altercation in the street last week, luckily people contacted school and not the police so it was dealt with with their help.

Does your son have an autism awareness card that may be of use in some situations, eg when the police are involved or that he could show someone who was trying to help. My daughter has just received hers, came a bit late but am hoping it could be useful in the future.

Sorry cant offer any advice but I too feel the same as my dd is struggling to deal with the fact her actions were wrong and dont know how to help her for further altercations. She too doesnt get moving away from the situation and this is casusing no end of problems at home.

Again sorry dont have any useful strategies but offering some support from someone going through something similar

bishybashy DS did do karate for a while (from age 10 - 13 I think) and got a few belts, so he does know the moves and about the discipline. He gave it up when he got kicked in the rib cage once too often.
He is tall and slim (so would look like an easy target), but quite strong as he swims, climbs, runs and does weights at the gym - which is the worry, as anyone who took him on, may come off worst!
He doesn't have an Autism Awareness Card, as I doubt he would bother to carry it. He has been given various cards at school before now, such as 'Stop' Think', which he is supposed to have in his pencil case on his desk where he can see it but others can't, but he doesn't bother to use them as he doesn't want to appear different.

Thanks for those book recommendations zzzzz. DS is a good reader, so I will look those 2 up.
The altercation yesterday did not involve physical agression from DS - he resorted to verbal abuse in response to the other boy hitting him. Unfortunately the verbal abuse was not an insult directly about the boy concerned, rather an insult about another family member - which then got reported back to said person - and in turn reported back to us!

He needs to learn to keep his mouth shut as well as his hands to himself.