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Original poster

Im not naughty i have autism

26 replies

jenk1 · 26/04/2006 00:08

I seriously tempted to buy DS either a t-shirt or a badge with this on.

Im sick of people -mainly my own family telling me what they would do with DS if he was their child.

"You shouldnt let him back chat you"

"he,s not backchatting, he,s expressing an opinion"

"He is regressing, you used to be stricter"

"No, he,s getting older and more expressive and before i thought he was naughty now i know he,s not and im not telling him off for something that,s not his fault"

"you are letting him walk all over you"

Im sick sick sick of this, and this is from a very close member of my family.

What do i have to do to make them understand?

OP posts:
redbull · 26/04/2006 10:05

I get the same kind of reaction but family are like oh bless him he doesnt understand dont tell him off they underestamate him, but friends and society dont get it you get them horrible looks from people and hear them muttring oh just give him a slap that will sort him outShock

i purchased from the National Autistic Society some cards they look like business cards and it just says this child is not naughty thay have ASD for more infomation go to......

So far i havnt handed any out, i would like to buy a top for ds but cant find the kind im looking for as NAS have a top and its got their logo on it and just says this person has ASD, but i want something a bit more fun something like a funny monster on the front and it says something like im not really a monster then on the back it says i have AutismSmile

spursmum · 26/04/2006 10:10

I could use one of those t-shirts for ds!!
Im fed up with the 'you shouldn't be babying him' brigade that seem to find me.
No he can't speak properly yet, no he's not toilet trained and do you have to deal with? No? Then p*ss off and leave us alone!

Sorry started to rant there...breathe...Grin

redbull · 26/04/2006 11:31

Its so infuriating (excuse the spelling!Blush)
just because our children look (i hate this word)
normal they cant see there is a disability with our childrenAngry

Original poster
jenk1 · 26/04/2006 11:50

redbull my friend makes t-shirts for a living, when i next see her im going to ask her how much she would charge, she has a website as well. Smile

OP posts:
macwoozy · 26/04/2006 11:52

This is what makes it so difficult for me as well. I'm sick and tired of the constant looks I get when ds shouts at me, and behaves what could only be considered incredibly defiant if they were not aware of his ASD. I also have a badge that says 'I'm not just naughty I have autism too' with a picture of a little boy firing a catapult, but so far I've not used it. He's high functioning and I'm concerned that other children might tease him with this information.

macwoozy · 26/04/2006 11:57

Have you looked on autism awareness uk on ebay, she makes many t shirts and badges with all sorts of wording. If you don't want a t shirt but like the wording on one, she'll make it into a badge for you instead.

lars · 26/04/2006 12:15

I would love for ds to wear a reminder badge at school for the teachers, 'just a reminder i have ASD and I MIGHT HAVE A EXPLOSIVE REACTION, VERY SORRY!. i just think they forget how he is at times. I know he does have to have clear boundaries but it's the explosives reaction they seem to forget about. larsxx

misdee · 26/04/2006 12:30

i'm forunate in that dd2 is still at the age where people think her twirls and flaps are charming and funny rather than rude. she can get away with barking and spitting still, but i know its going to become unacceptable as she gets older so am trying to stop it now.

redbull · 26/04/2006 13:02

That would be great jenk1 does she do custom made ones??
I think we all should go in to business as we all have trouble finding the right kind of awareness for our children and we could test them out our selfs!!!Grin

tobysmumkent · 26/04/2006 13:22

Hi, Jenk! I bought a couple of the tshirts from autismawareness on ebay shops last year, to put on DS2 for days out....but have been reluctant to "label" him so clearly. however, I also got a clip on badge which says "this is autism - I'm doing the best I can" which I've clipped to his bag.
My best find was in TK Maxx (french connection), a tshirt with the letters arranged like an optician's eye chart, decreasing in size, and it says "Don't you know it's rude to stare", I don't mind him wearing this, no labelling, and I just feel it's a bit less "militant" and more light-hearted. Just trying to give you some ideas for when you chat to your friend....and if she can do "custom made ones" let us all know! :)

redbull · 26/04/2006 14:26

i can completely understand what you are saying tobymumkent i to used to think that way but since my ds broke his leg and the kind of response we got even off the doctors really angered me and all though i dont want to label my ds i think the way society is with our children is terrible they dont have a clue about Autism and who better than to educate society that ourselves? they just think god what a bad mother/father they cant controll their kids or give them a smack that will soon shut them up i would rather them people see the top what my ds is wearing and think gosh that child has a disability i wounder what it is then they find out what ASD is then in future they wont be so quick to judge our chilrenSmile
Maybe we do have to put some sort of label on our children to make society sit up and take notice if i can educate 1 stranger on ASD then i will be happy knowing i have done somegoodSmile

Peachyclair · 26/04/2006 16:10

NAs sell cards you can hand out to poeple Jenk, I'm getting Sam some. Would also recommend the lasy on E-Bayt hat someone else mentioned.

I did see one saying @I have Autism, what's you rpoblem>@ which I loved but thought best not.

It's sad how many people judge though isn't it?

I also bought a pen from Ebay saying 'I love someone with autism' which made me Smile and I thought, raises awareness in a nice way.

Peachyclair · 26/04/2006 16:11

Obviously the t-shirt didn't say exactly that

Blush
Loobie · 26/04/2006 16:17

Jenk1 the reaction you are describing is one we come across so very often,especially when out.It is also the reaction ds1 got from his dad time and time again to the level that we actually separated over it all.
I did actually make my ds1 a t-shirt with that very description on it,i just got a basic plain white tshirt from asda,some transfer paper for the printer and made up a design myself on the pc,with a boy in the middle,the words 'im not naughty'above his head and the words 'i have autism' underneath.
Ds1 only wore this when we went out,he was happy to wear it as he is quite aware of peoples blatant disregard for him and things he does which he cant help.
He now has a couple of badges which we put on it he goes out that say basically i have autism and may not react the way youd expect,keep off my back ! and if im found alone please see contact details on the back,they have room to put on a name and mobile no. I got these from a website called buttonsandmore.They were an american site but happy to ship over here,and very quickly too.

hami7 · 26/04/2006 16:20

I feel exactly the same, but do you have double edged guilt as well?.What i mean is sometimes you have had enough of people looking at your child oddly, so you tell them about their condition,but then Im wracked with guilt wondering if im doing my son an injustice and if people will judge him wrongly because i have said something.I think most people are great, the odd one or two are ignorant,putting it nicely,i think they should wear. I AM AN IGNORANT W**R T shirt not our angels.

Peachyclair · 26/04/2006 16:27

hami7, couldn't have described my feelings better myself

tobysmumkent · 26/04/2006 18:54

Redbull - I know I WILL use the tshirts! probably on holidays and days out when overload/meltdown is more likely (new places, queues etc!!).

But I do feel that during most day to day stuff in our local (small) town, we're known by most of the shop/library/bank staff, and by sight by quite a few people too! (Regular meltdowns, plus DS2 is quite obviously nonverbal, flappy and visible problems). I've persevered with going to the more essential places over the last couple of years, despite feeling dread before each trip out! Think we've managed to educate quite a few people - coupled with my very well mannered DS1 who explains to everyone in sight, as he feels necessary!!!

But DS2 did an unexpected meltdown today and I had to physically wrestle him back to the car 500 yards. Had a boy of about 10 stopping very obviously to stare a few yards away from us, nudged away by his mum, he then did it again!! So, I'll put DS2's tshirts on him for days out to new places, and back you up in the mission to educate the world!!!!

And yes, I got the pens to use, and DS1 likes them too!!!

redbull · 26/04/2006 22:31

completely symphasise with you tobysmumkent, some days you just really want to treat them normal like tonight my mom and dad came round to see ds after going back to school to reward him, ds had a meltdown obviously due to them coming round during the week it completely threw him looking back now i know they shouldnt have come round but we just wanted to give him a bit of normality and it went completely wrong. We have found that when we least expect ds to have a meltdown he will do.
lets all conqure the world and educate them all on ASD(grin)

tobysmumkent · 26/04/2006 23:07

:)

smurfet · 26/04/2006 23:07

{smile}hi,i'm a new mum to the site and a new member of the autistic mums!my daughter was diagnosed 2wks ago!found this site by chance,think its great to know so many other mums know what i'm going thru!worst comment i've ever had was "what a shame because she's so pretty"might get t-shirt saying "yes i'm pretty and autistic too!!!

tobysmumkent · 26/04/2006 23:20

Smurfet - nice to meet you, mumsnet is brilliant for help and support. As is the NAS helpline (keep paper and pen handy when you phone them, the advice comes thick and fast!). Hope you and your DD are doing ok. And like the tshirt - Jenk, hope you're keeping notes!!

lars · 27/04/2006 09:10

Doesn't the educatiing start at school. I do believe children are more accepting than the adults. Children pick up negative vibes from the adults it seems. I have had different reactions from different people. larsxx

emmalou78 · 27/04/2006 12:42

Jenk

is there any literature you could get your family to read that might allow them to better understand your sons condition?

I think its so sad that peple should have to consider putting a shirt or badge on their child that 'advertises' their disability just to deflect stares and comments from strangers, personally i woudn't consider it, I'm happy to explain things to anyone who asks, normally old women who want to know why they can't tickle his face [why? 'because he's autistic, your inavding his space and he WILL bite you I'm afraid']don't et me wrong, I want the wolrd to swallow me whole when he kicks off, but if you hold your head high and distance yourself its do-able.

Anyway, elijahs doing a poo now, so shortly its PANTS time! woo hoo.

dinosaure · 27/04/2006 12:44

You can get cards (they look like business cards) from the NAS. They say "This young person has autism" and then a little bit of blurb about autism and what it involves and a request for the onlooker's patience! I carried some for a while, only ever handed them out once, to two old harpies on a train who were laughing at DS1 when he was having a meltdown. It did wipe the smile off their faces, at least.

Peachyclair · 27/04/2006 21:44

perhaps I could get cards saying look- he's having a meltdown! ??? Sam had one in school today, one little girl got injured and was in tears, he's runninga round growling- friend was trying to help me stop him, everyone else just ignored him.... tomorrow they'll be denying he has any problems again (He whipped the girl in the eye with his coat zip). He was even doing the flapping screeching.

Girls Mum was saying... 'all kids are violent that's OK'

aaarrrghhhh