At beginning of diagnostic process, need some support

[Levantine]

DS1 (6) has always struggled in nursery/school. He used to hit and bite but more recently, cannot sit still, talks all the time, can't absorb instructions. He reads phenomenally well but his writing is pretty poor.

School suggested that we get him referred to a paediatrician, who did a two hour assessment yesterday and said that the first thing to investigate would be autism. She was lovely and listened and as we talked I could see him through her eyes, his lack of eye contact, his lack of interest in who she was, not managing to say goodbye and so on.

So. Part of me could cry with relief that he is going to get some support and that I won't be hauled into school and told off for his behaviour all the time (though actually that wouldnt happen at his new school, it happened for years at nursery and his first school and was horrible). Also, I think my brother probably has similair issues - very academic, not good at reading situations, though no diagnosis and if DS can get good support now, then great.

But - he is my baby. I am worried. I am worried that as he gets older he will find friendships hard to maintain, that no girls will want to be with him, that he will be hurt. I am just not sure what teenage years will be like for him.

He is extremely bright (school have run some sort of tests) and very competitive so maybe he will find his groove but at the moment I could really do with some moral support.

Buckets and buckets of moral support for you and welcome to the board. Sounds like you've had a tough road to get as far as you have. The diagnosis process is very stressful and can sometimes take a long time so keep posting as much as you need to so we can hold your hand.

What do you think? Does autism make sense to you? If you do a search around here you'll find lots of reading lists and resources (I'm running out the door but didn't want to not reply). If you do some reading and think that autism 'fits' you can start to implement strategies right away to help you and DS, you don't have to wait for someone to confirm the diagnosis first. But for now, just be kind to yourself and DS x

I am just starting the process if getting a diagnosis for my 3 year old. We can hand hold together if you like.
It's hard isn't it.
I feel a bit numb, I think that's how you're feeling as well.
Take care x

Thank you. Feel a bit teary now. Trying to do references for a paper that I should have done yesterday while I was at drs with DS.

It's just vile isn't it. Thank you for your comment on my thread earlier. For the last couple of days i've felt quite positive & upbeat but today i've just burst into tears & sobbed. My brain feels like its going to explode, its so full of questions, worries, fears. It's such a traumatic thing to deal with but at least now you've found a good supporting school, thats's an absolutely huge plus. I've got a meeting arranged next week with DS's teacher & SENCO but to be honest i've not been very impressed so far. I feel so far she's trying to find characteristics instead of making non judgemental observations.
I've spent hours trawling through the internet trying to read as much as i can but just ended up confusing myself further. I always had a feeling he had aspergers but now have discovered many other conditions that he seems to fit into.
I don't know about anyone else but i'm really confused about what outcome i want. Part of me prays he'll be given the all clear but then another part thinks well if he does have anything at least theres reasoning behind the behaviour & he can get the help & support he needs.
Anyway while we wait for the next stage, i've started to make a diary of behaviour. Making notes of meltdowns & what happened before, possible triggers, what hes eaten that day etc. just so i feel like i'm doing something & getting a bit more info for the paediatrician.
How long did it take to get your appointment through?

Hally there's lots of crossover between the different conditions on the spectrum (co-morbidity it's called) so it's really common to go 'oh Aspergers! No, wait a minute, classic autism. Shit, ADHD too?'. Every LA is different so you may get a 'headline' diagnosis which most fits your child, or you may get two or three things listed. Main thing is to be open minded and try different strategies and stick with what works best for you and DS.

Hi both. I've been through all this over the last year. My sons problems escalated as soon as he was in school. We had first paed appt in July and I have had the diagnosis today. I've been through every emotion over the last year,a bit of denial, some anger, lots of tears, the lot really. Today I've barely shed a tear, I'm just relieved to have the diagnosis, though I won't fully know the details until next week. Tbh the medical side has been straightforward, it's the school side of it that's been more tricky and we are now going through the statement process. Hang in there.

I'd put money on that my DS has got ADHD as well. His other symptoms have always been just about managable & we've been able to enjoy holidays, days out, eating etc. Since going to school his ADHD symptoms have gone through the roof & have caused the biggest issue with school. Like Levantine i literally dread going to school everyday to be called in to be told how out of control he is. They never have anything positive to say and this week he moved up to a higher reading group which i only found out by chance. We went out for a meal last week & i was near to tears, he was so out of control & everyone was looking at us like he was some sort of brat & we were bad parents. Am i right in thinking ADHD can be medicated?

Hally. Hug. Your school sounds shit. I've been there. It is very hard. Do you feel strong enough to put it back on them? How are they going to handle it? What behaviour management strategies do they have in place? It is NOT your fault.

If I were you, I would ask for a GP referral now so that your ds begins to get some support. It took about six weeks from seeing the GP to our first appointment - I was surprised at how fast it was.

WilsonFrickett in answer to your first question, yes, it does click. Totally. I feel like I went in there with my DS and came out with my autistic DS. . I know I haven't got the diagnosis yet, and there is lots still to do but it made sense of lots of things.

It was as if in seeing him through a paediatrician's eyes and with her gently talking to me about his behaviours and teasing it all out it all became suddenly, very clear

Thats a massive step forward in helping him though. I know it doesn't necessarily feel that way, but it is A Good Thing. And also very, very hard.