Thnking of moving back to the UK with a child who has Aspergers.

[Aretoo]

Hi

My story is very long so I'll try to keep it short- My son of 10 (almost 11) has been officially diagnosed with Aspergers syndrome, OCD and Tourettes. I am British but live in The Netherlands with my Dutch husband ( also has AS)and I have daughter of 9 too who so far seems to be okayish although has her moments !

Like pretty much everywhere I read, the usual thing my son has always been odd ( but then again my husband and I aren't not exactly normal either)and had things that set him off. He was diagnosed with Dyslexia in 2010 and he went to the local school we had good day and bad days and we put odd stuff down to character etc . However we moved house ( all of 500 meters) in Sept 2011, within one month all hell broke loose and I had an almost 10 yr old wanting to kill himself and suffering from horrendous OCD, needing to rearrange the house, body parts etc it was very disturbing and I can't put it down in words how crippling and frightening OCD is, this also turned in to hallucinations and our lives became hell on earth suicide watch and fighting to survive. Eventually in June of 2012 he was taken into a teaching hospital's Psychiatric clinic for children like himself. It is a live in clinic where they come home only on the weekend. He stayed there for 6 mths, which they observed and gave us the diagnosis and then with the combination of medication and CBT he got a handle on his OCD and was discharged in Dec 2012 back into our original Psychiatrist's care. He is currently medicated with Clonidine, Sertraline and Risperdone ( names maybe different in English).

He has since returned to his old normal school, but this has been a disaster and sadly even though he has a diagnosis we are having to go through the bureaucratic and political process of getting what is called a cluster 4 indication which I believe is the equiv of the UK special needs statement. When he gets that we can try to get him a place in a special school for kids with ASD plus his other problems. However there is a high chance that that there will not be a place available until after the summer, so then what ?! Well we still get help but we're all afraid that it wont be enough to keep him in school, he can only manage mornings at the moment and even those are never trauma free, I feel physically sick each time the phone rings and as you can probably read I'm getting rather desperate..
If I was to come back to the UK, how would I get him into a special school without having to go through the whole process of needing a statement again ? bear in mind all my paperwork is in Dutch although it can be easily translated. I'm genuinely not sure what is best for him UK or NL or what is indeed best for my sanity.. I lost my Job in June of 2012, I cannot even contemplate finding another one until I have a happy child again..

I feel I bring a whole new meaning to hanging on by a thread ..

Thanks for reading I've kept the whole story extremely succinct as I could write for hours about the last 15mths of stress...

I'm not sure that the UK will be the answer. Sometimes you just have to stay where you are and fight for all you're worth.

But, it might be if you research your options carefully and place him in an independent AS school whilst going through the statement process (This route will take well over a year though and you will probably have to go to tribunal at least once).

If you went the state route then it could still take over a year and 'probably' include a tribunal or two, but you could get lucky.

Special schools are rarely accessible without a statement unfortunately, and the evidence for the statement is 'usually' a few terms of failed placement. It isn't supposed to be like that, but that is the reality.

Thank you for your time.
You have confirmed what I pretty much thought. It doesn't seem to matter where you go a fight is always needed, very sad for all involved..

I will keep looking though and an open mind as always ..

no advice really but you have my utmost sympathy. OCD is very hard.

Its not quite clear to me what you think might work better in the UK though?

I'm really sorry. I wish I could offer some hope here but depending on the level of unheaval I think it would be a bit of a risk.

Have you explored other areas within the country you live?

I'm not sure why I think the UK is better, I'm so desperate right now and it's my home country and it's all in English !

I've lived here in NL for almost 12 yrs. I'm just so worried for the future of my son that I would literally sell my soul for him to be able to sit through a day of school. He so desperately wants to go to school, he's bright enough , he has friends and it breaks my heart. He struggles with the everyday things due to his AS which we can deal with mostly but then if it gets too much then this triggers his OCD and the poor boy is literally crawling the windows as well as trying to lick them wanting to move them somewhere else ( yes odd as it is this is one of his "things") Of course and I don't blame his teachers they just don't know what to do, and the help wont come until we get our "indication" but then will it be enough !? We're currently paying for a private person (financially killing us) to sit with him at school for an hour 2x per week just to give him the chance to a) learn b) try and have some sort of life and c) let me have at least an hr where I can have a shower and get some food in knowing school is not going to call (again) .

It's a difficult situation we're in, he's a great kid with some complex issues I know it's not black and white and trying to explain to people the effect OCD has on your life is incredibly difficult. Let alone the AS and tourettes added into the mix. I have the up most respect for anyone suffering from a metal illness it's harsh and unfair..

I'm looking into all options here too, our education system is not as good as the UK I personally think, private schooling does not really exist unless it's an international school and we live in the middle of the farming countryside not really near a city.. Choice is somewhat stymied to say the least..

Thanks though for replying, sometimes just writing it down helps , you know what I mean...

Perhaps you just want to have the arguments in your own language?

You also need to remember that for him moving to the UK might be something he would struggle with. He has never lived in the UK (cue different social clues), there is the issue of the language, things aren't done the same way etc...
Are you sure it won't have the opposite effect and send him back down the hell again?

Also as you will arrive here, you will end up spending quite a bit of time trying to understand the system and make it work to your advantage (whereas you know how the Dutch system is working).

As you probably have gathered depending on where you live it might take a long time to get an assessment. I wouldn't get pass them that LEA/school here will want an assessment done in the UK to accept his OCD/AS... I have seen consultant here refusing to take into account a scan done in France on the ground that 'they' (read english people) hadn't done it so it wasn't reliable .
That means you are taking the risk of needing to go though the whole assessment thing before anything can be done. Which will take a lot of time....

Yes indeed moving to the UK would be a huge upheaval all round, just moving 500 meters nearly killed him . It's just I'm trying weigh up the pros and cons for the rest of his schooling life. I guess like anyone with kids like this you just want to know you are doing the best thing you can to aid your child..

I can talk to these people in English but more often and not I loose them about half way through my conversation (rant), and we end up in Dutch again which I'm fluent in and have learnt one hell of a medical vocabulary in the past year !

I need to hang on until I get an answer back from our Education people and then at least I know where I stand.. Trying to explore options at the moment, I really appreciate the advice though as I know more about how it works back home than I did this morning..

Thanks