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Original poster

ASD & Pain

10 replies

SparkleSoiree · 30/01/2013 00:55

Hi there.

DD (5) has been DX with ASD/Aspergers and whilst we are still trying to learn about the different traits that DD exhibits one concerning trait is how she deals with pain.

If she hurts herself she shows no emotion and she 'swallows' the pain as I say. I say this because I know she has experienced pain but she doesn't respond in the same way my other children did at that age, i.e. cry, look for comfort etc. If she experiences pain and either of us see it we go to her and put our arms out to her and her response is 'don't even think about it' her face glowers and that's it. She rarely cries at pain but won't allow us to comfort her. She doesn't kiss, give or accept cuddles anyway so perhaps it's expected she would react in this way...but as a mum I find it very distressing that she is in pain, sometimes bleeding (grazes etc) and I can't comfort her. I also find it very concerning that with her not presenting her pain we may miss something that needs attention.

It's difficult watching your child staring back at you with a glower KNOWING they are in some kind of pain but that you can't even get close to help make it better. Does anyone else have this experience?

OP posts:
HansieMom · 30/01/2013 02:07

No experience whatsoever, but here is an idea. You can say to her, "I know you do not want Daddy or I to hug you when you are hurt, but we would like to know how bad the pain is". Teach her to rate pain one to ten. That way if it is a really serious pain, she can let you know.

You seem like you are doing a lot of things right--perceptive, recognize her boundaries, respectful. I would want to tell her you are sorry she is hurt, and you want to help her feel better, but you know she does not like hugs so you will not do that.

I like the sound of her. That is a lot of determination from one little girl.

HansieMom · 30/01/2013 02:12

Also, would she go for this? Get one of her stuffed toys, and pretend Teddy has been hurt like she has been hurt, and you comfort Teddy, hug him, pat and murmur to him? Maybe she could have a Teddy too? Or would she say that is the stupidest idea I ever heard of?

Original poster
SparkleSoiree · 30/01/2013 02:50

HansieMom Your idea about scoring the pain is is a great idea to try and I will talk with DH so we can both do that....I am not so sure the teddy idea will work but I can give it a try. Smile

Thank you for your kind words about DD, it brought tears to my eyes. We are so used to only us seeing the wonder of DD and nobody else that it's quite touching when somebody else recognises the good in her.

OP posts:
PolterGoose · 30/01/2013 07:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ineedmorepatience · 30/01/2013 08:20

My Dd3 is the opposite, like polters Ds. Any tiny little injury is a massive disaster.

I love the sea creature idea and might try it.

Recently she had a UTI and it was a nightmare for us and the HCP's to work out actually how much pain she was in.

Good luckSmile

Original poster
SparkleSoiree · 30/01/2013 08:45

When several people are using a similar idea I think 'Why didn't we think of that ourselves?!"

Thanks for the ideas and the sanity check! Smile

OP posts:
AmberLeaf · 30/01/2013 08:55

Yes my son doesn't appear to react to pain.

Sometimes I don't even know about an injury unless I see a scab or something.

If he does complain then I k ow it must be bad.

'Swallowing' pain describes it very well!

He also has a confused reaction where instead of crying or saying ouch, he will giggle or laugh hysterically if he is hurt. I'll laugh with him as sometimes happens when someone else laughs [its catching!] then he gets upset because Im laughing at his pain??!

Ill say why are you laughing then? then he will start to cry quietly.

He has had only one visit to A&E in 10 years of life, comparing that to my other children who have had numerous visits with typical things bumps etc, it makes me wonder if he has escaped minor injuries or if I just dont know about them because he rarely complains.

Have to watch him very carefully.

troutsprout · 30/01/2013 09:11

Yes... Ds has always been like this too.
He used to firm his mouth and glare at us when he was little ( lol! -almost like we'd made it happen!). He will accept a little bit of a cuddle if you announce it first... But he's humouring us really. He is very very quiet.. So hates any fuss .
We did have quite a bit of success with talking about feelings / emotions/ pain using a soft toy puppet when he was younger.

It has caused problems with illness as he has got older too ( he's 15 now) because he would rather take himself off somewhere and deal with illness rather than have anyone attend him. Consequently I have sometimes gone upstairs when he has disappeared after school and found an hallucinating boy with a temperature on the ceiling because he has failed to tell anyone that he is ill.
He was really really ill once when he was little and for the first time he showed that he was grateful for the care we gave him... It broke my heart to see it... How ill he had to be.

We use the rating scale for illness/pain ( we use one for anxiety too). Since he was about 10 . He accepts this readily.
He is very very stoical though ... So still needs to be watched.

LabelsGalore · 30/01/2013 14:46

ds2 is the same. He didn't complain about a tooth infection until he had a huge blister full of pus on his gum. And even then complained only when he was brushing his teeth Confused

Not sure about the answer apart from the fact I know I need to keep a careful eye on him.

MummytoMog · 30/01/2013 14:51

DD often does ignore pain, but she's started coming up to us and saying 'Mogling is crying' when she's hurt or upset. Bit odd, but useful.

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