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Fussy eating am i taking the wrong approach?

8 replies

JeffFaFa · 29/01/2013 20:18

Was going to put this in AIBU but thought it may be better here. Dh and i keep butting heads over this. Ds is almost 7 and a sensory seeker ive never felt it impacted on his eating though other than appetite possibly. He is ALWAYS hungry to the point hes obsessive of food asks everyone for food over and over and picks up wrappers to sniff in the street! but hes fussy, the reason i think its general fussyness is he eats any sweets, cakes, biscuits etc, most cereal, any crisps. But will only eat cheese or jam on a sandwich every single day no meat at all, at dinner time he will eat, homemade pasta, macaroni and curry he will eat any freezer food sausages, fish fingers, oven chips general rubbish basically but wont eat any veg at all. He will eat chicken nuggets from a shop but not homemade or chicken in curry but not chicken breast on its own, he will eat mince in lasagne but not in bolognese, he likes beans but dosnt like anything touching them. Tonight i made chicken in bacon, with roast potatoes and veg, he ate nothing, he likes chicken and he likes bacon but wouldnt eat it, he likes chips but not roast potatoes or potatoes of any kind. I eventually persuaded him to taste a tiny millimeter of roastie and he gagged! dramatic. Ive always taken the approach of if he dosnt eat he goes without he will learn, but he dosnt learn this has went on for years so he goes to bed hungry, dh thinks hes not learning so its cruel and i should make alternative meals. Surely if hes happy to eat rubbish then hes just playing it though?

I feel like his eating his going backwards generally, eating more and more with hands, eating food really slowly and taking it to bits so it ends up everywhere, moaning if food touches other food on the plate, should i keep doing what im doing or take another approach?

OP posts:
Sunnymeg · 29/01/2013 20:46

I have 11 year old DS who has sensory issues concerning food. He is restricted and I would be overjoyed if he would eat as many different types of food as your DS does. Mine won't eat anything that is home made, not even cake!!
Like you I tried sending him to bed hungry or making him sit at the table until he had tasted everything on his plate. It did no good. In despair I had him referred to a nutritionist. I had to keep a food diary for a month, which she then analysed. Amazingly she concluded that the food he was eating supplied all his nutritional needs, so even though I thought he was eating c* he was perfectly OK. It might be worth you doing the same thing. These days I just let him eat more or less what he wants. Mealtimes are now less stressful, and very occasionally he will try something new.

Ineedmorepatience · 29/01/2013 21:21

He sounds similar to my Dd3, she is always hungry and will graze on crap all day if I let her, she has sooo many rules around eating I just cant remember them all. She will eat Shreddies but only from Aldi, Spaghetti hoops but only Heinz, Chicken in chinese take away or stir fry but not roast or pieces.

She loves stir fry but eats each componant separatly with her fingers, oh and she eats everything cold.

That is just a small sample of her eating habits!!

Many years ago when she was virtually living on marmite sandwiches and cherry tomatos I spoke to my HV who suggested keeping a food diary over a week instead of daily. After a couple of weeks I realised that she was eating more variety than I thought so I stopped worrying about it.

Like sunnymegs Ds she does try new foods sometimes. Our biggest problem is that if she decides on first attempt that she doesnt like something, she is very unlikely to try it again.

Try not to worry and good luckSmile

PolterGoose · 29/01/2013 21:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ineedmorepatience · 29/01/2013 21:27

Oh and I meant tomsay, stay away from AIBU with a topic like this. You will be eaten alive and your poor Ds will be made to seem spoilt.

Sensory issues are very real but unless you live with them you are really not going to understand.

Just looking out for youWink

porridgeLover · 29/01/2013 21:46

JeffFaFa, my DS is another one who had LOTS of issues with food.
He was on the 'white-food-diet' as I called it. Plain white bread, plain white pasta, cream cheese, plain crackers etc etc. He couldn't tolerate any strong flavours/textures and would gag massively if he was forced or accidentally ate something outside his repertoire.

I had to step back as I feel my anxiety about it was adding to his stress.
He now has a far more varied diet, thankfully but it has taken about 2 years of careful work at it.

The first thing was for me to stop. Stop fussing, stop worrying. After about 6 months of that, I introduced mince which the rest of us were having.... saying to DS 'you dont have to eat it, try it in your mouth and put it on the side of your plate if you are not happy'. So he did, and he spat it out. Continued with that for a while, eventually it became less threatening for him and now he will happily eat mince in many guises. Then I moved on to chicken...same routine.

This year, my goal (! Hmm !!) for DS is to introduce a vegetable, chicken soup and, if all goes well, sausages.

I am not minimising your concerns, I know how upsetting it is to not be able to do this basic for your child. But if you can take your foot off the pedal and let it come for him, I really think it will help in the long term.

JeffFaFa · 30/01/2013 10:20

thanks everyone, ds used to love really strong flavours and spicy things then it changed he used to love spicy curry but not now, he is strange with food though, he loves tomato sauce and will cover food in it if i let him, he likes brown sauce too but pulls faces of disgust when he eats it because its 'too fizzy' he says if i say stop eating it then he says 'but i like it' Confused

I like the approach of giving a little on the plate and seeing if he will try it so do i give him something he likes as well? say if we are having chilli do i give him fish fingers and chips with a spoon of chilli on the side? (sounds horrid that lol)

ineedmore - thanks i thought that might happen in AIBU so thought better of it, last time i posted about ds in there regarding his literal understanding i was slated :(
everyone i speak to thinks the approach of 'give them what your having or let them go without they will soon learn...' is the answer but he dosnt learn he just goes without every time.

I admit i need to stop letting it stress me last night i overreacted a bit and had a rant at ds because i put effort into the meal and he wouldnt even try it, he said he had tasted it before so not again (about a year ago and it was a lick not a taste) then ds2 decided he wasnt eating either.

OP posts:
Ineedmorepatience · 30/01/2013 12:24

To be honest at first I wouldnt put a new food on his plate. I would put it in a little bowl or on a small plate next to his plate.

I have found with Dd3 that if something new or untested touches the other food on her plate it can make her reluctant to eat her meal.

I know this is going to be hard work with your other Ds and would suggest having a chat with him about how difficult his brother is finding food at the moment and you are all going to work together to help him.

Not easy I know but by using loads of praise for both of them you will hopefully take the stress out of mealtimes.

Good luckSmile

porridgeLover · 30/01/2013 12:31

Jeff, as Ineedmore says, put it on a side plate. Initially, I would ask him to try one spoon from my plate, so he knows thats the extent of it then. No 'pile' to struggle through.
And I was very honest with him, if he tried it in his mouth even, then he got praise, even if it was spat straight back out (politely mind you, no spitting around the table).

Yes, my DS would have a seperate meal to everyone else; but thats no longer necessary (although the variety of what we all eat is lessened by working around him). I break out and get something exotic (Indian! Thai!) when I go out.

Dont worry about ranting...I used to do that too.Smile

Good luck, JeffFaFa, I used to find it heartbreaking to feel I couldnt feed him properly.

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