Completely at the end of my tether...what next?

[CanDoAttitude]

This may be long and dont really know what I am asking for. Just need to get it out.

Quick background:

DS in Yr 3, Aspergers and Sensory Processing Disorder, quite severe behavioural issues at school and at home. He started at mainstream school, then got his Statement and moved to an ASC provision within another mainstream school. This placement failed after various staff changes and a very difficult time. He has been in a different ASC provision within a mainstream school since Sept. he has a 1:1 and is basically taught 1:1 in his own classroom for most of the day, and integrated in to the provision with five other ASC kids for a couple of short spells each day. He seems to be fairly settled in to this arrangement, although my heart breaks for the lack of social interaction with other children...but anyway...

He has huge meltdowns several times each day at home (and sometimes at school, but its home that is really grinding me down currently,). Shouting, screaming, physically attacking me and his dad and siblings etc. this has got worse as he has older, mainly because he is now so physically strong. I have 'coped' with being attacked and/or having to find a million different ways to prevent or de-escalate these meltdowns for years, but in the kast year it has really, really started to get to me.

I have a depressive illness - no doubt that this is in part due to the difficult circumstances at home - And I realky really struggle to cope. My DH has always been a lot better at dealing with the behaviour from Ds, but he has also become very ground down and despairing aout it in recent months. We have a a fantastic grandparent around eho does loads of childcare and generally provides support, but she is also becoming unable to cope woth Ds's behaviour.

I just dotnt know what to do. He sees a clinical psych once a fortnight focussing on giving him coping strategies for his angry feleings. He has weekly OT and SALT, and we are aout to ay shitloads for a sensory OT to work intensively woth him on his sensory issues. I am a member of a n ASC parent support group, and we have managed to find some support as a family through this. Have also fought very hard and obtained a support worker and play scheme place for DS for a few days each school holiday, to provide him with social opportunities ad gove the family some respite.

But its not enough. I feel totally down about the fact that every day involves huge, stressful battles and somebody being hit or kicked or told to fuck off. My younger children are affected by this. My marriage is affected by this. God, I know it sounds selfish....but what happened to my life?

I often feel like running away...or phoning social services to take ds away....

I have just hot rock bottom with it all :-(

Apologies for all the typos

3 ideas as you seem to have a lot of LA help but it's just not hitting the right spot is it? Sadly most LA staff seem to be trained to manage behavior at the lower end of the spectrum and HF kids come with their own challenges (such as the ability to verbally anihilate you - my son's TA ran home in tears the other week). I'm thinking therefore you need to look beyond standard local authority offerings.

1. The charity Ambitous about autism do specialist courses on aspie challenging behavior - at the only place I've come across that is affordable for parents AND where the tutors work day in day out with these kids so "get" how hard it is at the coal face.

1. Caudwell childrens charity will fund up to £2000 of ABA which when I worked it out is roughly an hour per week. Or some private ABA advice even a couple of hours a week for a month or so woul help you untangle some of the behaviors I'm betting.

1. Linda Miller is an ed pysch who specialises in the higher end of the spectrum and teens. I've found her "5P approach" to be incredibly effective for emotional skills training so rec her book or even getting her into school/home for some advice.

If it helps the minimal OT (not avail on NHS and I'm on benefits) I've managed to do with DS HAS made a difference. The worst behaviors are gone but it needs keeping on top of still iykwim. Just seeing ANY improvement, no matter how tiny and a way forward is sometimes all you need to keep plodding on. Sensory stuff can cause all sorts of undesirable explosions.

Lastly is he really angry or just panicked and confused when he kicks off? Recognising his own emotions is likely to be a key part of his disability and from what I've seen many mental health bods just don't "get" that. All the anger management in the world won't help and could actually make things worse if he's scared and not cross when he melts down. Unless the clinical pysch is au fait with aspergers that intervention might not deliver what you are hoping for - worth asking a few pertinent questions around emotion recognition, and skills training. (You can't control your emotions if you don't know what they are.)