Aibu. I know I am, but I am bloody livid with dh!

[Badvoc]

Argh.
Ds1 is dyslexic.
We are using apples and pears at home as school do fuck all don't support him.
It's always been down to me...always. Research, doing therapies with him, using things like toe by toe, step by step etc.
I have been helping ds at home now for 4 years and I was starting to feel very fed up and tired of it all tbh :(
So in December dh said he was taking over doing apples and pears with ds..great!! It's easy, you just follow the instructions in the teachers notes and ds writes in a workbook.
It's foolproof.
Except it isn't.
Just found out dh has been 'altering' some of the exercises as he felt and I quite "ds doesn't need to do that"
I am being fuming.
It's a structure programme...you have the follow the steps or thwarts follows will make no sense to the child!
And this, from a man who has never read a single book-article or leaflet I have ever tried to get him to read on dyslexia!
But he knows better than me to the professional authors od this programme.
Argh....
Please help me to nt stab him in the he with a fork? He genuinely cannot see why I am so upset/angry.
So, I am going to have to start doing it again.
Ffs.

Look, it's still better than school doing it badly.

1. He'll hopefully have done most of it ok, anyway ds will benefit from daddy-time regardless
2. You actually found out (with school provision you'd never know)
3. Your DH is trying (very ) and so you probably don't need to take it back just yet

This strikes me as the SEN version of the nappy-changing standoff. Mum does everything, almost cracks up, finally dad agrees to do the night-time changes.

Then you discover the nappy isn't properly on and half the poppers are open. Cue daddy sleeping through again (either smugly or sadly, depending if it was genuine or strategic incompetence) and mum restarting the nervous breakdown

You know what. I understand your frustrations - truly I do. But I have to agree with Maree. He's put the time in. Your ds' learning won't be as efficient as it should have been but it has happened nonetheless.

If you started again (which you might have to), you could probably whizz through it. I doubt your ds learnt NOTHING.

Also, women are in recent history, the ones that usually do the labourious, repetetive tasks around the house. Hanging up washing, every frigging day, brushing the kids teeth, wiping the surfaces. Men contribute to the household work by puting a screw in, making up a flatpack piece of furniture, mending a broken toilet seat. They are more mentally stimulating and novel, and often require them to find novel solutions.

So give them a boring repetative task and they are just not used to it, and probably adjust it to alleviate their own boredom.

WTF is MY DH teaching ds geometry, and how to make a blimmin net of a Dodecahedron when he can only do 2 basic under 5 addition sums in 5 minutes?

DH used to put both the younger dcs nappies on back to front but I still let him and the issue of sometimes having to change a wet cot or bed was weighed up but the sleep and the extra cup of tea was worth it

Hes trying....(yesssss I know) but dont stab him 1) it makes an awful mess and then you have an issue of planning what to do with a dead body on top of your stresses.

2. he could be converted if he had the inkling maybe that either he follows the pattern of the teaching to help DS or you are going to whinge and sigh in his ears till he does.

Try and explain it to him like it is as if he was about to take a mechanics course and rebuild a car or bike. He would be real mad if he built it and couldnt use his masterpiece and failed because he didnt follow the instructions and had a bag of bits left over.......Tell him DS needs to go through all the "bits" to complete the whole package x

We agreed this week to change ds' bedtime routine as he is struggling to get to sleep every night. We agreed no hwk type activities after 6pm. Last night at 7.15 dh and ds come bouncing into dd's room delighted with themselves to demonstrate how ds can now count in fives! Fabulous except he was then tossing and turning until 8.30. So I understand your grrr and add my own.
P.s dh has no input into ds' therapies either but likes to happily tell all who will listen about how well they are working.

:)
You are all right, of course.
But I Was feeling so stabby last night I went to bed in a huff
My dh is an engineer...usually good at following instructions, doing things the right way iyswim?
He apologised and I dont think he will be doing it his way again in a hurry...I really tore him a new one :)
Thanks guys x

Shopping...oh I was beyond angry last night...tried to explain his the different parts of the programme are for different parts of the brain etc...argh.
Will make sure I supervise a bit more for a while and see what happens.
Was only telling my friend last week how lovleymitmwasmthat dh had stepped up wrt ds1 :(
Feel a bit of a plonker now.

I am in 2 minds if YABU or YANBU. It stems from that your DH even offered to help. That's the YABU.
YANBU in that DH/Ps often undermine every strategy that we spend hours and hours implementing with just 10 minutes of 'trying'.
Please someone come on that has a DH that positively contributes to the programmes for your DC. Yes it will make me , but it will also show it is possible

Either that or we are in fact all the same woman! :)
I am woman...hear me roar!! (At dh)
:)

I was on a course with 5 mums and one dad. He (correctly) pointed out that it was easier usually for dads to take a strategic view, accept that not everything they did was right / necessary, and tended to not get upset when useless professionals tried to sling mud. But worse at the nitty-gritty stuff and the obsessive tiger-parent "I will win come what may" part of the job.

So, in his experience, the interested dads tended to do less "stuff" than the child's mum but this was partially offset by being better at the meetings, and coming across very well at things like tribunal.

My dh is useless in meetings.
Starts talking about irrelevant crap and/or sits there silently.
So he doesn't come anymore.
I am used to doing it on my own, just hoped things were changing.
Am still so angry at him.
The arrogance of the prat!
I honestly wouldn't mind if he had read any of the books, articles, websites, anything that I had shown him over the years.
He has always struggled with the fact that ds1 struggles. Like I am fine with it?
:(

Mine went to sleep once in the other bedroom whilst the paramedics were doing an ECG on ds1 in our room.
Some things are just hard to forget/forgive :(
I just want him out of the bloody house so I can seethe in peace :)

Meh.
Am totally not in the mood now.
Will spend the Aftenoon ironing watching Lewis on DVD :)

Mine went to work every day when ds was 14 months and in the oconology department of hospital having tests and biopsies for lymphoma. I sat on my own holding a screaming ds while they took blood ( I later realised the anaesthetic cream hadn't worked). He went to work every day and didn't once ask how I was coping. A later enormous row turned up that he thought we needed the money and I was fine. The least fine I've ever been. As you say Badvoc, it's hard to forget. But ds didn't get his ASD traits from nowhere and I love him and I do believe all the annoying things are attempts at doing the right thing. Ditto your dh with the apples and pears.
The worst I've ever heard was my friend's husband who fell asleep as the doctors battled to save her life following a post partum haemorrhage. I later said to him ' you must have been terrified'. He replied 'not really, just bored'!!!!

the children's dad sat in the d's office and said that I do not go out much with the children...

I was not impressed. I was rather scathing when I said we go out plenty when he is not there...
sod him getting to come and see them (supervised) and do all the fun stuff.

I was admitted to hospital with a terrible migraine - the doctors didn't know it was that as I kept passing out and they called Crash team, etc. thinking I had a Subarachnoid haemorrhage. When they finally had the CT scan arranged, the poor nurse was terrified to try and wake DH because he was so sound asleep!

stunned just stunned at reading these

DS fallen asleep whilst I am talking to him. But he usually gets a thump in the arm for it :)