Recommended reading...Aspergers

[specialmagiclady]

DS1 (almost 8) has some difficulties that suggest he has mild Aspergers. (see, no dx as yet but that's the kind of wording SLT and Paed using).

I need some support in terms of how to deal with "irrational" fears/anxieties and the basics of how his brain processes stuff etc.

I also want to give information to DH so that we can BOTH be parents to this child, and have similar strategies and stuff when the shit hits the fan.

What books or websites have you found really helpful both in terms of explaining and supporting?

(we are getting support IRL too, but I like a book!)

Feel like I'm on verge of tears a lot and extra anxious about the future all the time at the mo.

Tbh, you have found the best source of advice and support here.

I dont think there is anywhere or any book that has the combined knowledge and understanding as this board.

If you do want a book though, Tony Attwoods Complete Guide to Aspergers is quite readable. You can dip in and out of it or pick chapters you are interested in.

Keep coming on here though and ask anything, there is bound to be someone who is going through or has been through something similar.

Good luck

Hi. Diagnosis time is difficult and upsetting and it is natural to worry about the future and what it holds.

My 8.5yo DS has a confirmed diagnosis of Aspergers'.

I cant say that he has a lot of 'irrational fears' but there are lots of things that he does that I realise are down to his anxiety.
For example, he recently told me that he doesnt want to go upstairs at night for bedtime unless I come too as he's 'afraid of being alone'.

I put this down to a combination of things but a lot would go to my using the 'How to talk so kids will listen' approach. He knows that I accept any feelings he has, never tell him he is being ridiculous or to pull himself together, always try to listen first and get him to work out strategies.
I am not naturally this kind of person. It has taken me a long time and a lot of work on my own patience to get to that point.
It is gratifying to hear him tell me what worries him.

Hope that helps.

Hi Special - big hug for you. It is such a difficult, stressful time when you realise that 'something' is up. I had a horrid autumn as DS as DS 4.3, started to experience problems in pre-school. I found that the worry was all mine, as opposed to shared with my DH, who is fab about most things. I was upset about what was happening to my DS and worried about school and the future. We've all been there - and are there too! As Inneed said, you've found the best place - its very friendly and there are always helpful folk around to help you work out what you can do to support your dc. Start writing things down now so that you have a record to look back at - reflecting really does help you work out what is going on and it gives you some amo for talking to others. What are your / school's concerns?

My concerns and school's are slightly different. But generally he has difficulty in group settings, wants to do his own thing and has a differently skewed idea of appropriate behaviour. He has real anxieties about weird things - "falls in love" with bits floating in the swimming pool and feels tragically sad when they get to the bottom. Doesn't notice if his brother's properly heartbroken about something. That sort of thing. Bit of self-harm and stuff, getting more complex as he gets older (and I suppose the world gets more complex)

In a way, he's not the problem (today at least). It's me and DH - DH thinks it's his fault (genetics*-wise) that DS is like this, whereas I am finally, finally starting to understand that it's not relevant if it's my fault - genes or parenting - that he's like this and we just have to work with what we have and yes, he does need a bit of special treatment and no, he can't do xyz like other people's children. I suppose the thing is, my DH doesn't go on mumsnet. I want him to have some resources so that I'm not always the "lead parent", so we can share this burden. Otherwise i'm handing on second hand information in the heat of the moment and bing bang a boom it's fireworks, which is unhelpful for everyone.

So I want to be able to have books in the house so that we can read them together and co-parent a bit more.

*not that DH has been diagnosed with anything other than dyslexia, to be clear. We both think we're a little bit aspie, but I have managed to get beyond the "woe is me what hideous parcel of genetic ghastliness have I bequeathed" thing.

**must learn to accept DH the way he is, as I am learning to with DS...

Sorry forgot to say, I have a Dd with a diagnosis of ASD who fits the profile for Aspergers.

She struggles with anxiety mainly when she is away from me. She has great difficulty in expressing how she feels and what she is worried about.

I know what you mean about the lead parent bit. I hope you can manage to get past it. Ifnyou do let me know how because I cant with DP.

I have 11yo DS diagnosed aged 5. I found Asperkids an Insider Guide by Jennifer Cooke O'Toole to be helpful. The author has Aspergers herself. It is an American publication so uses American terminology, but if you can get over that it is straightforward to understand. She has also written books for children and young people about life which we have just begun to introduce to DS

Brilliant - two books seems enough to be going on with! I'm sure I'll be back...

Maybe we should just agree that there is a lead parent and then he can't get all passive-aggressive on me!

Will look out for NAS courses. Right now I'm struggling to get DH to take an hour off a week to go to a therapist lady who works with ASD kids....

Its hard for all of you isnt it :)

The diagnosis days are the most difficult imo.

DHs quite often tend to be the last one to see the lightbulb too btw so you are not alone there. Mothers do tend to me more observant, are the ones taking children to school and spending the majority of quality time with their children.

Its also very hard for some dads to accept that their sons are not perfect as their dreams would be. We get are emotions out more quicker than men I think.

Incidently if it helps your DH my son has aspergers and other co morbids and although family history discloses querkyness, ocd, and a lot of traits and possible adhd on dh side, the genetics side of things came back all clear.

Sometimes it just happens x

Tony Attwood book is great and for family members I bought one called Ten Things Every Child with Autism Wants You to Know. Its great and is readable in full in a couple hours if that and although not indepth like Attwood it is written by a mother of a child with autism so is more on helping people to try to understand the child from the inside out.

God you lot are lovely, thanks.