Hi, would appreciate any thoughts or advice on this?? apologies in advance it is quite long!!!
as a background, my ds2 is 3 years old and dx with asd, he is globally delayed and we recognised possible problems with his development since he was under 1 yrs, and his dx only came through couple of months back so has been quite a long process and has taken up a lot of my brainspace for the past couple of years...
meanwhile i had not really had the time to take on board or give thoughts to some of the slight 'quirks' or behaviours of my older boy, who is 4 years old.
have to admit time to time i slightly thought hmm maybe he does have certain autistic tendancies but cos i have been so busy with worrying about ds2 and cos he seems to be getting along fine mostly, i kind of put it out of my mind and just got on with it.
he has settled fine in school (hes in reception) but its just a slight doubt in the back of my mind, discussed it with a friend today and she actually said the senco of their old childrens centre (where friend works) had raised some concerns about him when she had seen him while coming to see ds2 in a session, but she never mentioned it until i brought it up! the things the senco wondered about was his obsessive play with thomas the tank engine (which he still does, its been 2.5 yrs continuous now) and that he was lining up all the engines - which tbh at the time i was so focused on ds2 difficulties i had not really clicked he was doing that..
current concerns about ds1 are mainly with his social interation, he had made friends in school fine but he just has some slight odd things with his interaction.
he has major issues with saying hello or goodbye and generally refuses to say these to anyone. if he says it, will say it very quietly - the other person does not here but he will quite angrily refuse to repeat, as far as he is concerned hes said it why say it again - regardless if they heard or not. if i tell him go and say bye to your friend, he will say it to me instead of going up the friend and saying it, then he will consider it as job done he has said it.
when i pick him from school instead of greeting me with words i will get him running up to me and making some kind of "ehh ehh" or "errrr" noises -this is every day and he also does this when he is feeling shy, or over excited.
he tends to come accross quite rude as he often does not like to talk to people so will ignore people a lot, and is quite happy to blank people if he doesnt want to answer. but he is very chatty with us and when he wants to be, with people he likes and when he feels comfortable
he has major issues with saying sorry too, and i feel he does not easily understand things from other peoples point of view. but whether that is something difficult for all 4 year olds i don't know?? for eg: if he hurts someone (by mistake, he doesnt normally hurt ppl on purpose or anything!) and he is told off, he doesnt seem to care or show a concern about whos been hurt but he gets extremely sorry for himself that he has been told off.
he also overreacts an awful lot, for eg he asked for juice and ive said not now, then i will get a reaction of "noone likes me, noone is my friend, noone will ever be my friend again" etc etc. he has done this for quite a while now but possibly starting to do it even more than he was. i dont know if this is normal or not??
as mentioned he has obssession with thomas the tank engine, he has calmed it down a bit as before that was all he would talk about but he is still very "into" it, does not care at all that others in his school dont like it and he is not bothered at all about peer pressure (this could be a good thing, but not sure)
his other obsession is numbers. for eg i got in the car with him this evening and he said shall we have a chit chat, so i said yes what shall we talk about - he said "numbers" he just loves everything about numbers and has been into that for quite a while now too
he also does not like surprises and said another thing today which made me think hmm.. he wanted to ask if he can have choc biscuit in his pack lunch, so i said well not every day. so he says "it has to be in a pattern, have it one day, then not the next, then have it" etc etc. so i said no i dont really want to stick to that ill be doing it as and when.. and he goes "no, it has to be in a pattern or i will cry"?!
does anyone have any thoughts about this, whether this would concern you or if i may be reading too much into things?
he is just so different from ds2 who is almost non verbal and just like a much younger child, and so much more "obviously" has difficulties that i find it hard to know? ds1 talked quite early and always been very "clever" and more advanced than my other children.
just knowing that there can be a siblings link and more liklihood when it is already in the family, is making me wonder whether i should take this any further or not.
if i did decide to think of having him assessed at all, what route would i take with him being already in school - would it have to be ed psych and done through the school? and if it was the case that he could be somewhere on the hfa type end of the spectrum is there support for him or as he seems to be coping fine would he not get any support?? im just starting to think now maybe i should look into it incase there is something behind these worries and what if he did struggle more later on or need support in future, or could end up being told its nothing but atleast i would know.
i am starting to worry about my ds3 too (1.5 yr) who is also not talking but everything else seems fine at the moment with him as far as ive noticed, but having a slight panic that what if they all up on the spectrum?? although hopefully could be worrying for nothing
but any thoughts appreciated, thanks so much if you make it through that whole post and able to give advice