What to do - Jekyll and Hyde DS

[SkateBoots]

My DS is 7 in year 3. At home I have long suspected ADHD. He fits nearly all the criteria, and always has done.
He has always been 'ok' at school. Silly, immature etc, but not completely stand-out-we-need-to-do-something-about-this. He does have a few tantrums at school, and lots of silly, boisterous behaviour, but is also eager to please and can concentrate when not in silly mode.
At out of school clubs his behaviour can vary between 'normal' and very silly. He was asked to leave a sport club when he was 4, and we have been asked by another 'does he have a diagnosis?'.
I have always been told by others how high energy he is. Strangers comment on him. He is worse in new or exciting situations. He doesn't get asked on playdates for this reason.
So, now he is in year 3, it is harder to put his behaviour just down to immaturity. However, it seems he can hold it in at school, but lets rip at home. This school do have concerns, but no klaxons are going off. At home, he is still a whirlwind, loud, in your face, rude, aggressive, deliberately provocative etc, interspersed with being calmer, sensitive, thoughful of others.
DS has two brothers who don't behave in the same way he does. DS saw a counsellor when he was in year 2 (due to sled esteem issues) who said she was impressed with his self-awareness, resilience, and ability to talk about his feelings - she said we must be good parents to have raised a child that had such good resources. DH and I have our faults, but I think we are good parents too.
So, what do i do? I still think ADHD. I am talking with school, but they don't see what I do. I still feel like we are parenting on the edge all the time, waiting for the next explosion. But without school agreeing there is more to it than immaturity, I don't see that we will get any help. So asking here for help lol!

Op I get this all the time with DC. her condition, the manin thing (personal) is just one of a million things she has yet GPs etc dont ever take me seriously about the other stuff, they just say its under the umbrella of xxx.

because of this DC doesnt get the support/help she needs. Ive been fighting for years with schools/docs etc. they never seem to like you knowing more than them.

just cause they have phds after their names, they are not the childs parent and dont live with them.

All i can say is keep fighting for your childs rights, anything you've researched print out and underline/highlight things, and keep giving copies to all supposed to be involved and if they dismiss you just keep doing it.

its so frustrating. hope you get somwehere with it.

main thing, i meant!

Thanks marjproops. I agree we know our children best, but professionals see huge numbers of children, don't they, so in a way are better placed to judge 'normal' or not?
DS3 can be normal, quite a lot. When he is, you would assume any bad behaviour was just that. However, I don't think that his 'bad behaviour' is just that. I do think more is going on, but whether it is adhd, I don't know. If you just took it as a 7 year old now, you might say it was self esteem, anger, anxiety behind it. I know that he has been a whirling dervish since he could move, and while that is less now than it was before (a lot of the time), the other issues are still there.
School is looking at hime because he is falling behind, but I still think they think I am exaggerating/been looking at Dr Google too much!
I wish you success with getting the support your DD needs. It's mentally exhausting, isn't it?

I know proffessionals can 'see' things due to their training and seeing many people/children, that goes without saying, DDs Ed psych at infants was pretty much on the ball with her, but sometimes what they see is , what, half an hour of them?

When you've got them 24/7, its the things they DON'T see. I taped DD once on my phone having a meltdown, as no one (camhs/ss etc)ever believed she could have such bad meltdowns (except at school where they got the full force) and played it to them. thats when they listened.

Yes its absolutely draining all the life out of us isnt it? but for all our AAAARRRRGGGGHHHH, at the end of the day, our children are our world and we'd walk over hot coals for them as the poor things can't speak/fend for themselves, eh?

Hi again
I have thought about videoing DS, maybe I should get prepared to do so. Thanks for that.
Yes, I have thought about PDA. DS certainly fits some of it - you have to ask around rather than directly, use humour, novel strategies etc . However, he was never a passive child - his energy levels were the most noticeable thing about him. He chucks himself into things with lots of energy and enthusiasm, so lots of the features of PDA don't fit. I think the aspects that do are to do with anxiety. However, there is still this strong view of 'not being in control of himself' which has always been there.