anyone else with a struggling 'high functioning' child

[devilinside]

ds, yr 2 is supposedly hfa, but frankly he still behaves like a toddler. Last night he poured yoghurt over the cat, the day before he painted the upstairs red...there is usually somthing most days.

He struggles at school, can only just write his 3 letter name, reading below average, refuses to do PE and ends up in the Head Mistress's office a few times per week for inappropriate behavoir. I still dress him, he runs off, chucks his coat on the ground. His only topic of conversation is Moshi Monsters

I''m beginning to wonder if he will ever catch up with his peers

Good point zzzzz, the head mistress believes he is becoming more aware of the 'inappropriate' behaviour, and wants to set very firm boundaries until he learns. He is sent to her office, but not punished as such, He just has to remain there for a while. I will have another chat to her (she is also acting SENco)

I'm not happy about him being forced to conform either, but he does love school and is very attached to his TA.

The thing is... he kind of IS a toddler...i think it Really helps to recognise that yourself. He doesnt understand the full consequences of his actions. I would be concerned about how his school are dealing with him. Treating him as 'naughty' isnt the way to go.
I've always said ds is about 3 years behind his peers. He's a young one in his year too ... So he is taking his gcses this year and he's 15 but emotionally and in some parts of his development, he is 12 compared to their 15/16. I work from that ... And I remind his teachers of this if I need to ( rarely tbh... Secondary school has been a breeze compared to primary). In some areas he will never 'catch up' as such, but I believe he will eventually learn to compensate ( coz hes blardy clever! ) and therefore cope. He is doing this already in loads if areas.
Does he have support at school devil?

Aah he has a TA . Is it 1:1?
Do you think he thinks he has been 'naughty' or that he is being punished when he goes to the head? Do you think he he only realises he has done something wrong when he is told of it?
Ds had quite a bit of this pre dx at primary. It was horrible.

No 1:1, still fighting for a statement, as up until now he hasn't really caused much trouble. About 3 years behind rings true, will have another chat to the head and see if there is a more suitable consequence for behaviour 'not deemed appropriate' Not sure what the answer is really

I think I read on here a while ago that they are about 2/3 of chronological age, though of couse everychild is different.

i called ds a toddler in a post recently, then reaalised he is at school in reception now.. he behaves like toddler and is the size of a toddler 9useful in the supermarket) .

ds would not pour yogurt on the cat we do not have a cat, aand yogurt was banned after i got fed up of cleaning yogurt out of the curtains/carpet/toys/furniture....

ds's thing at the moment is posting random sequences of letters on mumsnet... he even manged to start athread with a sensible title... then lots letters... oh the shame!

dd is currently using the red and orange scribbles on the window as a fire for the fire engine... you caan't see much of the carpet as stuff gets thrown on the floor... there is pile of unravelled loo roll to use as tissues.. oh and the new monitor has already been adorned with crayon...

DS1, in year 4, is the poster child for asynchronous development. He coems across like a surly teen and is highly articulate, on his own terms, but is volatile and impulsive. He's only been clean and dry 24 hours since last summer and out of nappies at all for just over a year and still needs supervision in the bathroom, help with washing and dressing etc.

He has ADHD thrown into the mix and lots of sensory issues and bounces around the room like a pinball.

I have had this discussion with school this week. It can be really hard for them to see how hard it is for a high functioning child who is able to 'look' normal but acts inappropriately.

My DS ended up saying he hated having Asperger's because the only time he ever got noticed was when he had done something inappropriate/wrong. All the stuff he was trying really hard at - being in class, trying to be polite etc - was just taken for granted.

Positive praise and structured rewards work really well I think. Once something is taught and learnt, it may be ok to apply the same sanction system, but, until it is then it is unfair.

I have ended up instructing an ABA therapist to help with this.

I dont know that HFA DS will ever 'catch up' but I hope that I am teaching enough adaptive strategies that will allow him to function independently.

I constantly emphasise routines so that he can get up by himself in the morning, get his lunch, get himself ready for bed, learn how to cook a meal, set table, do laundry.

He reacts enormously well to a positive target but finds negative 'catching him out being wrong' impossible to handle. Almost falls 'down' to the worst he can possibly be. Hope that makes sense?

I realise more than most that it is not an opt in, opt out condition, especially since I am being assessed for asd myself.

Also, time out is commonly used with toddlers, I can remember my DD having to sit out a few times in nursery.

As I said before, not sure what the best approach is

You might also want to suggest to the school, that having to remove him so often from class means that they clearly haven't hit on the correct strategies to manage his behaviour and ensure that he accesses all areas of the national curriculum, so perhaps they need to consider getting the Autism outreach people in to observe him and provide help.
Does he have an IEP? You should have had input into it. if so is he at SA or SA+ ( if they have outreach in it should be SA+), then if the input is not working, ask for it to be increased. They will probably give you loads of bull about managing funding for everyone, to which the stock response is " I don't care about the other children. this is my child and I am going to fight to get the best for him" or something similar.

I have not really read any of the other posts but YES.

He winds me up because he does so much. He is like a whirlwind around the house doing everything, into everything, messing it up! However, I don't want to hold back any of his development so only intervene if absolutely necessary.

Constantly absconding is another one.

Once we have got over one hurdle we are onto our next with a breather in between if we are lucky. The words treadmill and hard work spring to mind.

He is so endearing and lovely in other ways. It's all swings and roundabouts.

The 'take 3 years off his age' approach is the single biggest help to me in managing my own responses. Most of the things DS does that I find hard would be ok in a 4yo. So I use that to help me take a step back. It can be really useful for school too. Although some of them it.

That phrase 'opt in opt out' actually has turned a lightbulb on in terms of how one of his teachers deals with him though.

I find the H in HFA to be enormously unhelpful generally though. It stands for Hard Fighting in our house because that is what my DS does every day - fights so hard to adapt to cope with 'normal'