Cant enjoy positive comments about dd

[Crawling]

Every time I hear a positive comment I worry and panic that the HCP wont see anything wrong. I worry dd wont get the support she needs. I know they are just pointing out some of her attributes but I cant help worrying.
At playgroup they said she interacted with a child she said raaa while holding a dinosaur in two hours and I couldnt feel happy because im stressing that the ed pysch will see this small interaction and wont give dd any support. Im being silly arnt I?

I think it's normal. I'm deliberately not doing things to make life easier for DD2 at the moment at school, because I've realised that I'm compensating and I'm fed up of her teacher denying the issues. So, I've stopped placing myself at the front of the group of parents (hadn't even realised I was doing it until I was a little late a few days ago and saw that DD2 couldn't find me and had to ask the teacher where I was). I've stopped holding her things for her to put them in class 1 by 1; lo and behold, she stands like a lemon because she doesn't know what to do. I've stopped filling in words for her. I feel so mean, but at this point in time, it won't help her for me to be minimising her issues.

I've also stopped being bland in the homework diary and instead told the truth: "We had several tears over the fact that DD2 didn't know how to draw a bike exactly like her own bike and her wheels were different sizes.'

In your case, I would think that you're a way down the path compared to me and that the HCPs are just trying to give you some nice things to hold on to. At DD1's school they are unreservedly positive and all the children there have complex SNs! There is so much that they can celebrate while realising that the children need far more support than a MS setting can provide.

Yes I could enjoy that compliment I just stress whenever anyone who has a part in dd getting support says anything that could contradict dd having autism even though I know its good that she is learning and is trying and im happy about her positives but I also worry and fret at the same time.

I love dd to pieces and I am aware she has many positive attributes.

Thanks lougle that makes sence that they are just trying to give me hope.

I know how you feel. Someone says something nice about ds and what he has achieved and I want to scream 'but what are you doing about all of his problems fgs? - Is this the best you are expecting? because I am expecting WAY more!'.

I kinda get how you feel and I was like this more before ds had a dx (he has asd too), now im more assured he will be or should be getting support especially when he starts school I have relaxed on it a bit more, but still can feel like it a bit - for eg mine has recently started in a nursery and hes settled in well (he is not bothered about being left cos he is more the type of child who will quickly attach himself to anyone and everyone, rather than being wary of strangers hes at the total opposite end of that scale!) and that is all well and good - but if you have teachers saying he is fine there then do hope that will not affect anything with application for statement, which i am about to do... mine is mostly quite compliant and don't think he would massively disrupt the class when he starts school (although of course u never know!) but i do worry about him just getting overlooked and left to sat there with no clue whats going on and not knowing how to interact and join in - really hope this will not be allowed to happen so hopefully getting a statement will prevent that?

Could be true also that people just like to focus on the positive, not necessarily denying she has her difficulties but just trying to be nice. I remember the 1st time portage came to home visit my ds they were soooo positive that i thought they were gonna say we cant help him, but they didn't - they just said they really like to focus more on what they can do than what they cant.

Sometimes with family as well I find my self having to emphasis my ds difficulties, but this is cos they just dont seem to take it on board. they do know he has asd but seems to be kind of in one ear out the other type thing, and issues he finds very difficult to cope with they tend to be like "oh cant u just bla bla bla", or seem to think he doesnt need his support like signing, pecs or whatever else and as if he can just snap out of it so end up constantly having to say - no, he can not do that, no hes not realistically able to do etc etc which can be crap makes you feel like you are constantly on a downer about your child but you just want people to be realistic.

What support is your dd getting at the moment? is she still going through any assessments cos if so can definitely understand you feeling like this

I understand what you mean. People tell me that DD will get there in the end. And I just think, 'Not without your help she won't!'. But then when I see professionals and they list what they can't do that hurts too.

Can't win really.

PrinceRogers your right they cant win.
Firawla Dd is currently learning PECS (weekly session) has postage weekly and we are waiting for ed pych to finish her report. CAHMS is next month so she is still very much in the assessment stage.

Thanks for all replies I feel much better to know its not just me.

I also felt like that before diagnosis, I knew my son had huge problems and was often told by teachers that there are children in his class that they are far more concerned with :/ . I stressed about professionals not seeing his difficulties as he is great with adults who give him their undivided attention. This was not the case, they saw everything! And more , all I saw was that he had a great time and enjoyed every minute of being assessed!
He now has 2 separate diagnosis of asd/ PDA.
Don't worry , one psycologist very kindly and honestly said " mothers are very rarely concerned about nothing!" He is 4 !

I am so with you, crawling. We are still waiting for ASD assessment for dd2 and she can appear pretty normal if lively and a bit 'quirky'. Today she went to a friend's but had to be collected 2 hours early due to two of her friends not playing the game 'the right way' then tantruming for a full hour. I finally admitted that there is ASD assessment awaited, by way of explanation and the Mum just kept saying how lovely she is and it was yet another heart sink moment. It is like being trapped inside a room and nobody can hear you screaming!!!!

Thanks both it is hard you want them to be okay but you also want them to show their difficulties too.