DS with Aspergers sent to Coventry by rest of class for dobbing in bully

[Sunnymeg]

Title says it all really. A serious incident happened last week, where three children bullying a smaller child caused that child to fall and hit head, resulting in school calling an ambulance and child having tests and night in hospital. Thankfully child is OK. My DS (aged 11, at primary) saw this, and when the teacher asked if anyone had seen what had happened he had no trouble telling the teacher exactly what he saw. This resulted in one of the children being sent home and didn't return for the rest of the week (exclusion?). Meanwhile the other two started work on the rest of the class. Now no one will have anything to do with my son at playtime and two children refused to partner him in an after school activity last night. He came home sobbing and cried again this morning. He says the bullys have frightened away all
his friends, but we have no proof of this. He is fairly social even with his Aspergers and had two really good friends, who now won't speak to him. These lads have been his friends for a number of years, he is heartbroken. Does anyone have any advice?

Set up a play date with one of the friends?

I think that you need to go in and talk to the class teacher. The other children in the class need to understand clearly that what they are doing is wrong and will not be tolerated.

I agree with spooky, I'd talk to teacher. I was on the receiving end of this at the same age except mine was a survey where the other kids had been asked to sign to say they didn't like me . This was then presented to me (and then handed by my Mum to the teacher as evidence ).

I know in theory there's a risk of further alienation by dobbing in the class a second time but your poor DS cannot be expected to tolerate that sort of atmosphere.

Agree with star too about trying to actively encourage the continuance of the previous friendships out of school.

This is bullying, the fact that he has aspergers is not really relevant. He spoke up (as he should), if the school allows this to happen, there will be more serious incidents and no one will speak up. It sounds a very serious incident, the school need to deal with the fall out as well.

Sund like a bunch of thugs, and I am very sorry DS has to put up with this.

He's come home tonight really upset. Have made an appointment to see the head tomorrow.

Keep a diary of the bullying and who you spoke to and when.

Write - don't phone - to school and name the bullies. This way you are creating a record and school must investigate your accusations against named children.

Don't let school fob you off - i.e. child only perceives they are being bullied or 'we don't have bullying in this school' or 'we have an anti-bullying policy' etc.
This is all hot air and nonsense.

Remind them that they have a duty of care to your son and that includes ensuring his mental and physical well-being while in their care.

Probably sounds a bit OTT but bullying does destroy young lives - my DS being one.

That's awful Big honks for tomorrow.

That is horrible, the other children are bullying your DS.

The school need to clamp down on this.

Your poor DS

Horrible for you DS and for you. He did exactly the right thing to tell the staff what he had seen, a child had been seriously injured.

Your ds does not deserve ths and the school need to stamp on it very quickly and make sure that the other children are given a very clear message that there is a time and a place for covering up for friends and this was definitely not it.

Honk honk

Within the class there will be children who will be uncomfortable with what happened and even relieved your ds spoke up.
I was bullied by 3 girls at school - one ringleader, one accomplice and one girl who was just scared if it wasn't me it would be her.
Tell him it will blow over
These children must have a hold over the other children - probably through fear.
I would also speak to the parents of his friends and make sure they know the full extent of what has happened.
They might then find out what the two boys have said to make all the other children go along with it.

Sorry to hear this.Hope meeting goes well. It must really hurt him that his 2 closest friends have treated him badly.
Agree with starlight, that you should invite both friends round to play, one this week, one next week, say......

Sounds about right, even as an adult I still occasionally slip into set rules when not sure what to do and absolutely it has led to this sort of thing within the last 2 years for me, and I am now pushing 40! Something my autistic 9 year old does, though Aspergic ds1 (13) doesn't seem to 'do' rules at all- he thinks he is above them.

Now it will pass and you could wait- but I wouldn't, I would be getting involved myself now, after all confidence is so key to all children. if the teachers aren't overly useful, take it up a level to the Governors.

And tell your son from me he did right; the kids might be angry but hopefully they have learned a lesson and nobody else will be hurt with possibly worse results. After standing up for the other child it's now his right to stand up for himself and he does not have to accept bullying. It can be hard but is a battle worth fighting. Be proud of him, he will make a fabulous adult.

Well, I saw the headmaster earlier and he seemed very receptive to what I had too say. He let slip, whether deliberately or not that the school have received several complaints about these children and that he will be teaching the class for the whole day tomorrow to assess what is going on. One thing I didn't realize was that DS spilled about the others in front of the whole class, apparently when the teacher asked if anyone had seen the incident he just launched straight into a monologue about it and missed his teacher's cues to tell her in private, so no wonder the bullies have it in for him. The head gave me a copy of the schools anti bullying policy, so we will see what happens next. I've texted the mum of one of DS's friends to arrange a play date for next week, haven't heard back yet, but hopefully will be OK.

Teacher needs to make her cues way more obvious for him then sunny .

Glad the HT was fairly helpful and I hope they manage to sort this class out, it sounds like there must be considerable concerns if the HT is planning to have them for a day.

Mind you they probably wont put a foot out of line all day if he is in there. Kids are cleverer than that especially bullies.

Good luck anyway

Well school is closed today, so will have to wait and see what happens next week!