A bit of an AIBU, combined with me probably needing to stop over-thinking?!

[FlyingFig]

DS is 7 and ASD (Asperger's), has dyspraxia, sensory/proprioception processing problems, hypotonia and hypermobility.

I collected him from after school club today and the TA that works there asked me for a quiet word; DS's teacher had asked her to tell me that whilst DS had been 'spinning' today in the yard, he'd struck another child in the face with his hand.

It must have hurt the other boy and although it was an accident, the teacher had spoke to DS and told him he needs to be 'more careful'. TA said that DS's teacher thought I should know, especially as I'm often good at reinforcing things at home, in order to help DS understand in a way he can digest (this is true and I've got a good relationship with the teacher and his SENCO in particular is excellent).

DS was very upset when we spoke about it, he'd been (according to the TA) worried he was going to get into trouble and upset all afternoon.

This is where I'm stuck; I explained to DS that he'd hurt the other child when he was spinning, whilst reassuring him I understood it was an accident. But I could tell him until I'm blue on the face to 'be careful' but he genuinely can't help the spinning and flapping, so I'm not sure what the teacher expects from me? How can I ask him to stop sensory seeking and get him to stick to it?

Perhaps she was just keen to make me aware there'd been an incident and that someone had been hurt? Not sure if I should discuss it in the morning with her or ring his SENCO when she comes in and speak to her? (she's great and very understanding).

Am I over-thinking the whole thing?

Tell the teacher that if she is going to allow him to engage in repetative behaviours during school then she needs to ensure that the other children are safe whilst he does it. Not you. You're not there and have no responsibility towards the other children.

I would just say to DS (if you think he'd be able to do it at the time he needs to spin/flap) to make sure that there isn't anyone nearby (give him a distance he can understand) and that he should (once again if he can) try to look out for others coming nearby (though I fully understand that if once he starts spinning he doesn't 'see' anything else).

Also, how 'out' are you about his DX at school? Could you get the teacher to talk to the others about staying out of his way when he's doing these things. Our school is brilliant with any SEN and so are the children.

Thank you, that has helped me realise there's not much I can do about it hours after the event, you're quite right.

The school are already 'logging' all of DS's trips and falls due to the amount of times he falls and hurts himself (his legs tend to give way when he runs) so I'm starting to think he needs more supervision at play time, especially now it's not just himself he's hurting?

Oh I didn't really answer your question - sorry.

I think you are over thinking it a bit, I expect she just wanted to make you aware so that you had all the info if DS or anyone else mentioned it. But I don't think you are over thinking any more than anyone else would have (SN or NT kids :) )

We're fairly 'out' about the DX, in that I would tell anyone that asks or if his disabilities crop up in conversation, I don't hide it and am open with DS himself about his ASD and physical disabilities.

I would be happy for the others to be told that they might want to stand out of his way when he's spinning because I'm horrified someone has been hurt; it's a very small school (less than 60 children from nursery to year 6) so it's not like he can't be watched closely?

DS has lots of repetitive behaviours but is not allowed to do them during lesson or break time.

I think I would want to know how long he is being allowed to spin and flap at break because while he's doing that he's not playing with his peers, not developing socially and risks being excluded as he gets older.Sorry if that sounds blunt but its true. Playtime is too good an opportunity for social skills teaching for him to be wasting time spinning on his own.

If he does need exercise - and most boys do - then why can they not engage him in a game of chase, football or whatever the other children are doing? DS has had playground games broken down and taught 1:1 so he can join in in the playground.

DS gets breaks within lesson time eg with a book or on computer as rewards for working hard - and for him break time is work - so he does get downtime but not at the expense of social skills time.

Also if DS were allowed to do repetitive behaviours in the playground when he went into class it would take ages for them to get him engaged and paying attention as he will have disappeared into his own world. What happens after your ds spins has he released energy and more able to learn - or has he disengaged and isolated himself?

DS has poor spacial awareness too so if thats an issue I'm not sure if your DS will be able to position himself safely. Also letting a child who falls easily spin sounds a recipe for disaster to me.

this is a school problem - if its not safe for him to spin around they should stop him / distract him and replace it with another play skill that is appropriate. Would they let another child spin around all the time?? If they are going to let him do it - and it is within their control, not your ds control, if he does - then they need to supervise him properly and take responsibility for the consequences. If they don't know how to get him to join in they need to get advice and learn.

If he really needs exercise over and above normal running around with other children they could incorporate OT type exercises into his day - some asd schools will have little trampolines kids can go and bounce on, therapy balls etc and he could go out of class at regular intervals for a break. Most schools have play equipment to go on.

As you point out getting him to join in / do proper exercise would need him to have 1:1 rather than being left to his own devices. DS has 1:1 but now he has been taught how to play the games the other children play his 1:1 is able to fade back more. The other children have also been taught how to include him and help him join in.

She may just have told you he hurt a child in case you found out via another child / parent.

60 kids - wow. No, there's no reason he can't be watched more closely - but then again, he and the other children do need to learn to co-exist and look after each other without an adult being present imo.

I can see what agnes is saying, but it didn't appear to me as though you have a problem with him spinning.

Agnes you raised some important issues and they gave me the confidence to address them with the teacher this morning, thank you. It seems she just allow him to spin as she wasn't sure whether to let him get on with it in case that stopping him would distress him. I pointed out that when DS spins in shops etc we always stop him, explaining to him it's not appropriate as he is liable to hurt someone or break something, so the same should apply in school. I hadn't even thought about the isolation aspect of him spinning on his own, added with the risk of him falling, so mentioned this as well.

He does 20 minutes of Smart Moves at school a day as recommended by the OT, the kids are only allowed on the play equipment at lunch time when there are 2 supervisors on duty, as on the other breaks there's just the one teacher.

She brought up the issue of DS touching the faces of people in his class, saying that although the child he seems to do this to the most is very tolerant, she still has concerns. I'm a bit confused as to why she lets DS do this - imo if he's sensory seeking like this (not to mention invading personal space) he needs to be stopped and his sensory needs should be met in another way. Once DS starts this they've 'lost him' anyway; he does get breaks from the classroom and I think when he starts touching other people like this, it's an ideal time to take him out for a break (he has activities on these breaks such as squashing things, fine motor activities etc which are supposed to get him back on track and help him focus). Again, at home, we stop him when say he licks DD1's hair/face as it's not appropriate, so really he should be getting the same message at school?

Chipping the spinning is something that doesn't really happen much at home, more when we're out and about as there's too much going on and he gets overloaded quite quickly (getting him to wear a backpack with a couple of books in to weigh him down does help with this) but again when his legs and arms are all over the place or he's bounding up and down off the sofa at home, we stop him.

Thanks you all for your advice, it's really draw my attention to the bigger picture here and given me a boost as opposed to sitting with my head in my hands getting worked up again