Just found out DD is on SEN register, school also planned a CAF meeting...Help!

[Dinkysmummy]

Hi,
Sorry this will probably be a bit long...
My DD is 5 on the 17th of feb. We were made homeless in April (we are in a hostel), things were a little rough in the run up to the homelessness, and her behaviour went downhill.
She started school in september and has been seeing the Play therapist at the school since late October/November. The play therapist has said that dinky doesn't feel she belongs anywhere, that she doesn't feel she belongs in the school and that we are not a proper family because it is just the two of us. Her behaviour is very challenging. The school told me last Friday they had set up a CAF meeting on the 25th and today I found out she is already on the SEN register for her emotional and behavioural difficulties. They also want to do a risk assessment because she 'absconds' which I think is a little bit of an over exaggeration. It's worst when I have to leave after phonics mornings, she does run off but tend to only make it to the toilets, the library or the school medical/welfare officers room. Only once did she run out of the classroom and into the playground without the teacher, the TA or the early years student helper noticing, it was a good thing I hadnt left the school premises by that point.
I just never knew she was that bad at school that she was on the SEN register. The teacher doesn't exactly tell me much about her behavour. I know she is not as easy as most kids, but the teacher has always tried to say my dd is actually not too bad, now I find out, actually she is. The deputy head who is also the special needs co ordinator has been great and very helpful, but I seem to be one step behind the decisions.

Has anyone else had similar problems? Maybe not the homelessness, but having a child on the SEN register for behavioural difficulties?

'The play therapist has said that dinky doesn't feel she belongs anywhere, that she doesn't feel she belongs in the school and that we are not a proper family because it is just the two of us'

I'm not easily to comment on the rest of your post, but this bit is bollocks. Don't internalise it or allow them to use this as an explanation. My children have had a pretty crazy year and we're on our 4th house move in a year than included the family being split for a while and Ds and I living in a hotel but no-one dared suggest that was the reason for Ds' difficulties. I even asked the independent Ed Psych to look at dd and assess impact and she concluded that children are adaptable if loved.

Firstly this must be a terrible strain to be dealing with your daughters problems at school and be in such a precarious situation. I don't think it is that unusual for a child to be on the register for emotional and behavioural difficulties. What do you think is causing the problems? Do you think there may be other underlying problems? Did she have difficulties before your homelessness? I think the school have perhaps not communicated with you very well about how seriously they view her problems to be. You should have input into the CAF and I think though I am not sure that you should be given the choice about agreeing or not. It might be helpful in that maybe it might push forward more help with your housing situation. I think you should maybe meet with the school and ask them what the purpose of the CAF is and also communicate to them that you need them to be more upfront and honest with you about the extent of your dd problems as this feels like a big surprise.

Dinkysmum...I am not an expert on giving this sort of advice but wanted to reply , so you dont have to feel so alone .

Always remember that "SEN " register and CAF are positive things not negatives ...they are to get your dd the help she needs ....

I had to fight to get a CAF thing done but it was the best thing I ever did(even though I did have a few tears filling it in and knowing I had done it !)

Her little life has been turned upside down and she is finding it hard to cope with all of her emotions ...School "brought "in outsiders from the LEA to help my son via his CAF and it was the best thing ever to happen to him

It doesnt happen over night but I am so glad of what they have done to help my little boy become happy again and not have a complete melt down finding out he had a supply teacher that day and sort of thing !!

If I am correct in thinking .."SEN register" is a very strong broad grouping ....My DS is I suppose on the SEN register because he is on school action plus....but things are improving due to the help he is getting...

I suppose what i am saying is as much as this has come as a shock to you ...take it as a positive and don't fight it ....grab everything they can/will give you..

Good luck x

Thanks for all your messages.

I hoped the play therapist was talking bollocks. It has been a hell of a two weeks if I'm honest, I can't even remember much of what she said.

My daughter has always been a little boisterous and a little bit of a pickle but she got much worse when we became homeless.
Having researched the CAF I know its a good thing for my dd. the GP referred her to CAMHS before and they passed it onto integrated services, but they never got back in touch. From what I have read they would do a CAF form anyway if they ever decided to contact me about the referral.
The deputy head said I would be involved in the CAF too. To be honest the deputy head has always agreed that my DD's behaviour is a concern, but it seemed her teacher didn't think it was all that bad. It was only after a meeting between the play therapist, the deputy head and the teacher that the teacher seems more willing to talk to me about my dd's behaviour. So I thought maybe I was overreacting up until last Friday. It just seems more serious now she is on the SEN register and has to have a risk assessment and the teacher was the one who arranged the date for the CAF. It is a little bit of a shock that it is all systems go in the last 4 days whereas it seemed I was possibly overreacting from September until now. Going from zero to 60 in a flash.
Don't get me wrong Im glad her problems are being taken seriously and that the school are trying to get her the support she needs. It is nice to feel validated for once.
I guess it's all new to me.

Bizzey... I'm glad the CAF helped your son. I can so relate to the supply teacher thing... My dd's TA has changed and she has not been happy! She has become worse in the mornings since her old TA switched classes. The deputy head is going to ask that the TA goes into dd's class in the morning and spend 10 minutes with her just to see if that helps the morning situation!

Thanks again for your replies x

Dinky...Remember you do not have to "sign" your CAF in front of anyone ......I filled mine in with with H/T (remember to go slightly over the top..and like DLA do your worst day)...then got a copy to review and alter ...

The form should not be sent till you are happy with it .
HTH

PS ...they asked for poeple I wanted to be involved .... I did not know any but if you do do get them involved