Please or to access all these features

SN children

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on special needs.

Strategies.....?? (long sorry)

13 replies

Starxx · 11/01/2013 13:06

Starling (DS) is 7..has ADHD & Aspergers. Is on medication (20mg long release during the day / 5mg quick release for evening & 3ml Melatonin for sleeping). He's been on meds for over a year now and it?s really made a difference with his concentration at school etc (he is also currently being assessed for statementing at last) and even his aggression but obviously we still occasions where he drives us mental!!!!

He loses his temper easily and will argue with anyone be it a child or an adult. He will, at the slightest word from you snap at you, pull faces, argues and growls. When he is behaving like this, if you try to talk to him he will grown at each word or he will shout at you to 'shut up', call you and 'idiot' or tell us that he 'hates us' etc...he will put his fingers in his ears so as not to hear us and this is whether we are talking or shouting. Due to his condition he is very hyper as well as disruptive and loud; he has no sense of danger and often runs away and can ignore any shouts of warning. He acts without thinking and can be violently aggressive and is actively defiant.

He can sometimes be very literal, i.e. "put your hand up when you cough" so he raises his hand in the air or if you ask him to turn around because he has his back to you and instead of just turning to face you he will turn and turn and turn...

If he wants to avoid doing something (i.e. tidy up before bed) he will try to distract, ignore or often destroyed something completely. He is also very good at manipulation and will do as much as he can in order to turn a situation to his own benefit. Starling will also exhibit ?silly? behaviour where he will ignore and run around, jump on beds, tease by throwing something or grabbing something and running away and is almost hysterical/manic while laughing the whole time, it is generally a delaying tactic as the majority of this behaviour is shown on a school day when trying to get ready for school. He is capable of doing school work but refuses to do so. At home it takes a lot of effort to get him to read his book or to do any writing at all and it often leads to an aggressive outburst.

At home he is sometimes unable to make up his mind about a choice and often changes it very quickly which can result in a loss of temper if we have already started on his first choice. He also does not seem to be able to accept consequences, if told more than once that an item will be confiscated should a certain behaviour continue, he will continue with the behaviour (openly defiantly) which of course results in said item being confiscated but then he will have a melt down when he realises the consequence has taken place, despite being told and warned more than once.

We have tried many different methods including all of the following:

? ABC charts.
? Daily record book between us and school.
? IEP with school.
? Instructions guides (with pictures of him) showing him what to do (i.e. getting ready for school).
? Personal work station at school with a personal timetable.
? Questionnaires on Social Communications & Connors etc.
? Reward and sticker charts.
? Rules in the house (pinned up).
? Sensory Differences Profile.
? Strategy plans.
? Triple P course.
? Various meetings with school and doctors etc.

It sounds awful when I write it all down but I have to say that my son is such a beautiful boy the majority of the time, he is very sensitive and is loving and kind and very caring about others, especially younger children but when this behaviour appears, its like a switch is pressed in him and he turns into this child that I hate myself for say but I don?t like??. isn?t that awful :(

We can handle his behaviour most of the time but the mornings are the worst (with the ?silly? behaviour) he just goads us constantly and we feel powerless ?.. people tell us to walk away when he is screaming?he would follow, if we ignore it still when walking away he would follow us and pull at our clothes, if we ignored that he would find something to throw at us (such as our mobile phones etc) until he gets the reaction that he quite obviously wants. I?ve left rooms and he follows, I?ve physically removed him and he will just come back ?? sigh!!!

Just wondered if anyone had any ideas? (apologies for the long and moany post lol).

A tired mummy x

OP posts:
zzzzz · 11/01/2013 13:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Starxx · 11/01/2013 13:34

He isnt having to get ready for school :D

OP posts:
HotheadPaisan · 11/01/2013 14:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Starxx · 14/01/2013 12:11

Oh my I am definately looking into that ... just reading the PDA information is describing my son to a T ....thank you :) x

OP posts:
HotheadPaisan · 14/01/2013 12:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HotheadPaisan · 14/01/2013 12:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

YourHandInMyHand · 14/01/2013 13:01

He sounds a lot like my DS too so I can sympathise but unfortunately don't have the answers.

Have to say I'm a bit relieved to not be the only one with a growling child. Blush

It's all so wearing isn't it. My DS too is very sweet the rest of the time. It's like living with jekyl and hide!

bananananacoconuts · 14/01/2013 13:55

Hi Starxx
I must say you could be describing my ds (6). I have recently started a thread entitled please help me to like my son, as i hadn't realised he may actually need help and it wasn't just me! I hate myself for feeling this way, obviously i love him to the moon and back but sometimes i don't like him at all! So we are at the start of our dx process.
I wondered if your ds is anxious at all. One of the things that worries me most in my son is his anxiety and constant need for reassurance. When he is having a screaming melt down. One of the only successful ways i have of getting it to stop is to hold him firmly and talk him out of it, even if i want to strangle him not sure if that would help your ds but may be worth a try.

Starxx · 14/01/2013 15:38

Hothead - the 20mg is Equasym XL, its a long release (meant to last about 8 hours) and gets him through most of the school day. Putting him on meds was a big decision but we have really felt the benefit from it, he has improved at school and during times when he is medicated he is mostly compliant and manageable :D

YourHandinmyHand - oh yes, they can be sweet as pie when they want to be ..Im afraid I have growled back at Starling on occassion when I have just had enough but that just makes him worse. And no, definately not alone lol.

bananananacoconuts - I think not liking our children is a normal part of being a mum, we are only human after all. Yes i think a lot of the time Starling is anxious but sometimes, like this morning when he got into our bed at 5.30am and began shouting boo at the top of his voice....well that didnt seem like anxiety to me....... Holding Starling can make it worse, even if its just a cuddle, he can be quite aggressive :(

Thank you all so much for your comments, nice to know people are reading them and have some advice to offer :D

Star xx

OP posts:
sazale · 14/01/2013 16:03

I also have a child that growls! She always has when annoyed (which is often). She's now 14 and the growl is now a platypus growl! She is also demand avoidant and very tiring!

sweetteamum · 14/01/2013 21:21

starxx You really could be describing my son. He also has clumsiness issues to add but I am also pleased (if that's the right word) that we can come here and acknowledge each others' difficulties.

HotheadPaisan · 15/01/2013 13:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ineedmorepatience · 15/01/2013 14:41

Another growler here and Dd3 loves to put her fingers in her ears and shout "Leave Me Alone". The other thing she loves to shout at the top of her voice is "Stop Shouting" Hmm

It is very difficult when you are trying to get out of the house.

I do find that if I rush Dd3 she goes slower and becomes very uptight.

I try to keep mornings as quiet as possible, we have no TV until everything is done and we do use a visual timetable. It works for Dd3 thank goodness.

When you tried a visual timetable before did he help to make it? because I have found with Dd3 that if she is involved she takes ownership and then will take it on board.
Would it be worth trying it again? I am only asking because if you could get it up and running it cuts right down on the arguing/discussing and even the need for conversations around getting ready for school.

All I say is "Look at your timetable" every now and then in the mornings.

When Dd3 was being really difficult a while ago and I spoke to the HT he said if I couldnt get hr out of the house to give him a ring and he would pop up the road and get her. LOL

It hasnt come to that yet but I might hold him to it one dayGrin

Sorry I am not making light of your situation I do know exactly how it feels and it is dam hard work everyday.Sad

New posts on this thread. Refresh page