So today I got the 'attendance letter' from DD2's school

[lougle]

I was steaming. After all the phonecalls, trips to the doctor, chasing paed referrals, etc., I've got a letter saying they're concerned about DD2's absence last term.

I had words with the head teacher who said 'it's a lot of absence...' You think??? Would that be why I've been calling the school, speaking to the teacher, etc.?

Turns out that none of those phonecalls were logged, the Head didn't know that DD2's struggling at all (although she didn't appear to care much either), etc.

They now want a medical letter every time she has an absence.

So, I'm writing a letter to ask for DD2's medical records, and I'll write a letter 'clarifying' the situation.

Oh yes, I've learned my lesson. No more trusting that the message is getting through.

Like you needed that lougle

Am honking for you!

It makes you seethe doesn't it. My DS had time off due to bullying - the stress of it all led to him getting shingles (twice). Still got one of those ridiculous computer generated letters.

honk honk

Well the school can whistle for a medical letter for each absence - they are simply not entitled regardless of what they want.

They need to understand the difference between what they want and what they need

Except, keep, that they'll mark any illness as unauthorised without it

Yes, indeed. GPs won't provide 'sick notes' for adults for less than 5 days on a row, let alone children.

Oh, I'm sorry Lougle.

A quick note to the HT apologising for not writing/calling her directly about each of the absences as you had wrongly assumed the CT would have logged them, and a promise to contact her directly for any future absences will a)Be a record of your account of events and b)ensure that she's careful not to increase her paperwork by causing a fuss.

I know you have a probably more forgiving persona than me, but just for your own sanity, please start writing/clarifying and recording everything that will be relevant to the future help your dd might need. Just so you can confirm to yourself that you are covered.

Don't worry about sickness letters. You can either get them or you can't but absolutely don't pay for them. A note clarifying the purpose of any future absences should be good enough.

I pointed out that before half-term I sent DD2 into school for a week with a temperature of 39.7 degrees. She said 'but was she poorly in school?'. I said 'Well she went into school with a temp of 39.7 and came out with a temp of 39.7, falling asleep within a minute of being in the car...' She said it couldn't be so, because if she had a temperature at school, they would have called me.

So, I said 'are you suggesting that she started with a temp of 39.7, it came down during school hours, and rose to 39.7 again as she walked out the door?' and she nodded I told her that her response suggested that she thought I was lying about the fever [cynical]

Hey Lougle. Quit the talking, start the writing. The talking will send you crazy and then be denied.

Will do.

She said 'this is the week parents have a go at me.....it's my job...'

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Yes, this is Fuckwittage of the highest order. Do not engage in any pointless petty dialogue implying she hasn't been unwell. Simply, ahem, 'clarify' the matter for them, in a straightforward letter. They are not concerned about her medical status, simply how the number of absences makes them look to LEA/OFSTED.

Outraged on your behalf, Lougle, HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK

Is that because it takes a term of giving her the benefit of the doubt before parents realise that she is indeed a fuckwit?

Lougle That is not a nice thing to say to you. It down plays your individual concerns to 'one of the crowd' and implies martyredom on her part.

Oh yes, she said that 'she treats all parents the same', etc. I got the distinct impression that she was fairly disinterested.

I had medical certificates for ds's absences (ASD and Dyspraxia) the doctor was fab and basically just signed him off whenever I asked her to. He was in a terrible state at school .

The school STILL tried to refer us to EWO and were really quite threatening about it. EWO told them to whistle as all absences were covered by doctors letters.

Honestly though it just makes me despair. Like banging your head against a brick wall

I leave phone absence messages and then e mail too.
Not that I dont trust them you understand! :)

It's not your problem if the school secretary can't write down a phone message ffs - it's NOT rocket science. As the parent of a disabled child you have more important things to worry about than failures in the schools internal procedures.

Pen a quick email to the HT tonight expressing your sorrow that there has been a communication breakdown over the medical appointments procedure and that in future you'll email her personally to avoid a reoccurence. Then forget about it.

Why bother to run up your phone bill when an email will do? (save your note to your sent folder).

If school has any sense they'll print the emails to show Ofstead/LA if needed, (if school lacks common sense it's really NOT your problem). Every so often photocopy the appt letters and ask for them to be added to the school file. (I tend to to do it at half term for the previous period, or when I can be arsed iykwim).

Worst happens and they take you to court, you point out that it is child NEGLECT to go missing bona fide medical appointments. No child learns properly if their medical needs are neglected. I used to let myself get so bogged down & run myself ragged with stuff like this, then one day I simply ran out of energy as you can't fix stupid. I flatly refuse to tail chase for the sake of it, nowadays, as my mental health is more important.

Hello Lougle,

I have had 2 of these letter so far this year, as well. The first came from the head and the second from an attendance officer - the second was far more official and threatening.

I had a rant at the head about the first, and she suggested that I get a sick note from the doctor for DS (who has CP) every time he is ill ...

My DP phoned the attendance officer about the second letter and I meant to put our complaint into writing - but haven't.

I may be being naive - but I've spent so much energy on all this nonsense and become so stressed and upset about it all. It all gets taken out on my family in the end. So now I've decided to just carry on doing our best and doing what we're doing. And I'm going to ignore every letter I get. If they want ever to take me to court or fine me then I'll point to the statement and DS's condition and hospital appointments etc.

I log everything - ie every illness and appointment. But I'm not going to waste energy fighting anybody until I have to.

Well DD2 doesn't have any diagnosed SN as yet. School say she's fine.

I told the head that DD1 thought she had guns in her body. Turns out they were being taught about lungs.

She shrugged her shoulders and said 'well she's 5, she's got confused somewhere along the line...'

I thought, oh, the irony. It's vital that the child is in school, but not vital that she actually understands what she's being taught....

I wouldn't mind so much, except that despite having 3 children, one with SN at SS, I manage to get DD2 up, dressed, drive 10 miles away to the hospital, have her blood tested (severe vit. D deficiency) and back in time for school, so that she doesn't have to miss any.

Schools don't diagnose, doctors do, therefore you need to attend doctors appointments. I'll refer back to child neglect equalling ignoring medical appointments hun.

It's a stupid circular, pointless argument, and one that you are far too smart to get drawn into. Email, keep copies of appointment letters and forget.

At some point the process does reach the ears of someone capable of telling the difference between a Mum who can't be bothered to get out of bed in the morning, and one who is taking their sprog to the hospital appointments. Just hang onto the evidence till then and please don't fret, or let yourself be bullied.

Thank you. I'll hopefully get a letter soon detailing the paed appointment.

Lougle, I'll bet you a large your GP will be only too happy to write a note saying he's not prepared to provide a medical certificate for every instance of self-limiting minor illness.

And you can probably persuade him to add that the NHS actively encourages appropriate self-care for children with coughs, colds and tummy bugs, unless parents are worried they might be seriously ill.