A small rant

[silverfrog]

I have acquired the reputation, at dd2's school, of being the person to ask if you have any developmental worries. Presumably by dint of being dd1's mum

so today I was cornered at drop off, by a concerned mum of a boy in dd2's class. she is a little worried about his levels of boisterousness, and the odd thing here and there.

I chatted a bit, mentioned a couple fo things that (if he were my ds) I would do, and a couple of books to read etc.

she then spent the next 20 minutes telling me she doesn't like to label children, that she thinks society labels too much, and that she doesn't think there's anything 'wrong' with her ds.

I was left feeling as though I had approached her with my concerns about her ds, iyswim, rather than being asked for my opinion (why they target me I have no idea - it's a lovely leafy suburban prep, with high-achieving children, and no one is ever going to have a similar level of issue as dd1, for eg, and so the information they are seeking is quite easily obtainable imo), and it has annoyed me.

I am happy to (within my very narrow sphere of experience) chat about worries anyone might be having. and yes, I suppose I have OTs and SALTs on speed dial . and half the class has borrowed various reading schemes we have as extra supplementary work. but don't leave me feelign as though I have brought up a very unwelcome subject - I would never approach someone about their child, fgs.

LOL. She's just exploring her insecurities with someone who she has made an assumption will tolerate the topic.

oh, i know.

it was really just the deniability factor - once she had asked, and got info, she spent the rest of the time convincing herself she didn't need any of the info, iyswim.

it was just all the caring carrot phrases that popped up - like 'wait a while and see how it goes', and 'he's just being a boy' or 'but surely that's really typical for a 6 year old (when it blatantly isn't, imo - and I have a very quirky nearly 6 year old who isn't displaying that level of whatever)' - caring carrot phrases do get right on my tits.

I am clearly in a stroppy mood today (had dentist this morning, which is never a good start, and the bill was eyewatering!)

No. I get people like that sometimes and they are EXHAUSTING!

I usually want to shake them and say 'GET ON WITH IT', but for most it is a slow journey which is encouraged by people they assume they can trust. You won't convince them otherwise. They have to realise it themselves.

although it does piss me off too that I am the 'one' to go to who will accept the notion that dc can be 'less than perfect'

the school itself is not that sort of a hothouse, but a lot of the parents are.

I make a point of laughing lots whenever ridiculous hothousing stuff is mentioned - eg asking about tutoring for common entrance at a reception intro evening

but it is really sad that there is an undercover, furtive element to thinking that your dc are not G&T (and it gets tricky for me to negotiate, as dd2 is G&T in a lot of stuff, and nobody assumes she is since I don't bray about it, and possibly because she is dd1's sister, too - I get caught out on questions about average reading bands and stuff cos it doesn't interest me - I now about children being very behind, and I know dd2 is ahead, but I have no idea what the average child in dd2's year is up to!)

yy to shrieking GET ON WITH IT, THIS IS NOT A REHEARSAL

but the conclusion was to wait a while

apparently (and this was a gem) 'everyone' knows you can't assess before 5 years old, so it is only this last year she has been thinking this way anyway...

I told her dd1 had been in the system since she was 12 months . she went a little quiet.