Aspie/ADHD 7yr old utterly wound up about her birthday party - HELP!

[BiddyPop]

Hi, our 7 yr old is utterly wound up about her birthday party this coming weekend. Can't sleep this week, to the point that she's been awake every night when we're going to bed (usually gets to sleep 9ish) and last night came in at 2am having not slept at all!!

Overtired means much easier meltdowns. As can over-stimulation.

We've already warned her that we will only be cutting a cake to share rather than doing candles and singing if things are not good (she had a meltdown last year as it "wasn't done right"). She seems to understand that.

DH will be on hand solely to manage her on the day, I will be on hand to distract the others if there are any issues (party is in a sports centre and they need a parent in pool for the swim so that's me anyway).

We've tried keeping it as low key as possible, but how can I get her to unwind a bit over the next 2 days, and also anything we should do on the day to avoid problems? (We have already decided to skip her GAA training Sat morning, and DH will bring her to a local coffee shop for coffe, sambo and quiet colouring in and chat time beforehand instead - she loves both, and never skips training but has agreed with it when we said why).

Would I be a really bad mum to use Dozol or similar to get her asleep really early tonight?

Pack the swimming bag now and show her. Print off photos or brochure of the swim pool even if she's been there a million times. Tight, detailed, visual schedule with times of everything. Go over it again and again. get out all the old picture books of 'Topsy and tim have a birthday' etc. And under no circumstances have any presents being opened till you're home safe. TBH, I'd get a large laundry bin or something for them so they 'vanish' as they are given.

And make sure she knows that the schedule will carry on regardless, but if she can't cope she will (example) step to one side with daddy for 1 min, or step outside the party room for 5 min colouring.

If she's obsessing about the candles/cake i would just get two sets so you can carry on come what may: if she melts down she can do one set semi-privately whilst everyone else gathers around the other.

xposted the same advice as polter...

Peppa pig has a swimming episode and a birthday episode...

Thank you both!!

The party is in the sports centre where she goes for swimming lessons (and has done sports camps on holidays) so she is familiar with it. But I might print off pics to run through the party schedule. And remind her again (said it already) that no showers will be had or just 1 button push of a hose off, as time is short.

The reason we were going to skip training in the morning is because the party will be an hour of running around (multi-activity sports) and then 40 mins in pool, so she will be physically wiped by that - training beforehand could be one physical element too much. She is very sporty but does throw herself into it.

And she does enjoy time in coffee shops having 1-on-1 with us (both or just 1). It's not just making her do colouring in, it's focussing on her, and also getting her to focus on a picture or on her DS game or something rather than building up the anticipation, excitement and anxiety. Distraction etc.

We've already discussed with her that if there are problems (and reminded her of last year), that we will not be lighting candles just serving slices of cake. She's fine with that (and we had candles on the day itself at home).

But talking to her about DH taking her aside if necessary is a good idea. And I might make sure DH has her DS or something to distract if she does need to step out for a few minutes (he had intended a few sweets in his pocket, but perhaps something else is wise too).

She really loves having the party - but it does seem to become a big focus. So damping down expectations may be the best thing - part of the reason to outsource the running of it is to allow us the chance to manage any trouble with her (and she really enjoyed last years, and even after a couple of minutes angst about the candles, she went on to enjoy the rest of it).

Presents are always left until guests have gone anyway. Might even leave that until Sunday if we are too tired.

Maybe I am getting anxious because we are more aware of it ourselves, and know that some of the other kids in school (mainly a couple of troublemaking boys) are noticing that she doesn't always react the same as everyone else. (MS).

Thanks again tho.

Thanks all, I did take your advice on board and we were able to keep everything under control on Saturday. DD needed a few minutes at one point, and was then able to deal with everything else (including 1 other girl so giddy that she was pushing DD a lot and knocked her over at 1 point). We were even able to have the candle on the cake!!

DD had a great day, exactly what she wanted. And everyone else had a great day too. So all are happy.