Should I let this go...

[mynameisnowsonicthehedgehog]

I will say upfront that I am not sure whether this is just one of those things, so would appreciate any advice.

DS (4.10 ASD) is in reception, he has 20 hours of 1-2-1 support. The christmas play was performed over 3 days to allow all parents to watch. I attended on the 3rd day, and it was a disaster, ds couldn't cope with us being there and started with the verbal outbursts as soon as he saw us, it went downhill from there and although his 1-2-1 was with him the whole play, he was obviously not coping and continued with the verbal outbursts and eventually broke down and was quickly taken back to class. On the day the school handled him very sensitively and I have no qualms. Although it was a very difficult situation, I have learned to put these days behind me and start afresh. I will sit at the back the next time. School is fantastic with DS and with their help is developing well.

The issue I'm struggling with is that they filmed the play to produce a DVD for parents to buy for a small fee. I naively thought that this had been filmed on all 3 days so was excitedly looking forward to seeing ds, when we weren't there, as apparently he coped much better. As soon as I put it on I saw my DH sat in the front row so know what we were about to watch... I was very upset as was DS, he started shouting to "take it off" over and over.

I am being to precious in thinking that firstly they could have warned me about this, as ds "performance" is now being viewed by the whole blooming school, I'm not bothered by that as such but more concerned that some children will start to taunt him about it. Secondly if this was the only performance that was filmed, would it have been too much to ask of them to checking that I was ok with this going out to everyone.

God, your post brought back memories i had buried...

My Ds7 is in a special school now but things like assemblys were always difficult for ds,still are. He never took part in the Christmas plays.

I would have a word with his teacher/senco-whoever you feel the most comfortable with.

Take care.

Hi, I think it is perfectly understandable how you feel. Have a word with them. Even if it turns out to be too late on this occasion they have the heads up to use their nouse (sp?!) on future occasions. I had to leave my son's sports day as he could not cope with me being there and had to be taken in (though apparently he went back out after I had left lol). Like you, I take it in my stride (sort of) but not everyone understands and to have that filmed and viewed and discussed in other people's homes, well no thanks!

I am willing to put a fairly large bet that everyone buys them, but very few actually ever watch them through again (maybe just ff to their kid's bit). I would tend to let it go, as bigger picture your child is learning from every experience and either school or he will handle next year better.

I suppose they only filmed the last day as they expected the children to be better by the third performance and therefore if they had already promised to produce DVD they didn't have much choice. I can understand why you are upse but I would let it go. I think it probably is just one of those things.

That video might prove invaluable if you are ever considering a more expensive placement.

If it's any consolation, our school did the dvd thing.
Firstly - DS1 was the only child rocking back and forward whilst everyone was standing still. We think he stands out like a sore thumb. Friends that have seen it hadn't noticed, but then they're probably used to it.
When our class were filmed for it too, we were told that it would be edited. There are a few children who got extremely anxious and reacted. We would have asked for some of this performance to be edited. No-one I have spoken to was shown the final cut before it went out to the whole school. I was cross on behalf of the parents of some children as I would not have been pleased to have other parents sitting at home watching it.
What you could do is withdraw your permission for him to be photographed/filmed and say that you will give permission on an individual event basis. That way, if they suggest dvd again, you could opt out, but if it is a few photos in class that's fine.

DS school does this
Someone related to a member of staff who has a video company does it and then they charge for the dvds so I suspect that its only ever videoed once as there is a cost attached to the person producing the dvd
There are always going to be some parents whose child did not do well and so yes i think it was just one of those things - I totally understand your pov because of course when things go wrong for our children it tends to be glorified full scale horror technicolour rather than a missed line or a minor strop.
But the DVD is probably all organised by office staff or PTA who did not even see the performance
Also the children know it will be videoed and parents can prebook dvds so refusing to then send them out is not really an option. Its often a fundraiser.

Last year a mum had to watch her son cry all the way through and I had to confess afterwards it was because ds had been over enthusiastic in his song movements and poked the child in the eye on the second line of the first song.
This year one child fell off the stage, two (unmet sen) ran out the hall completely and one child had to take a loo break at a crucial moment and will be on dvd for all to hear with the teacher hissing 'what now' while holding his. nether regions and crossing his legs.

I would also say I buy these to show ds progress each year - year 1 before proper support he was excluded from the play completely, year 2 he was led by hand and partly engaged with 1:1 right next to him, year 3 he managed fine on his own with a few sharp nudges from other children. So it may as Star says come in useful.

I know its very hard, these milestones and celebrations starkly highlight how different your child is and thats hard in itself. But I can also confirm once you get these you never ever watch them. Perhaps some will have made granny sit through it at Xmas but it will never see daylight again. Mostly also, parents just watch to see their own child and pay zero attention to anyone else.

Thanks everyone - comforting to hear that concensus of opinion is that the DVD will probably never see the light of day after being watched once, so I will "just let this go." I thought it was excellent idea to remove my permission to film ds and request permission is sought on an individual events basis, this at least gives me a degree of control over what others are seeing.

Also, as some have pointed out, we can use it to measure progress a well as potential evidence should we need it, I hadn't thought about it from that perspective.