Looking for advice please. DS has a friends with ADHD.

[CarpenterCat]

DS has know him since Juniors (now Year 7). Now, we had his friend over a couple of times when they were at Juniors, but to be honest, it was pretty stressful for me, so I haven't encouraged DS to invite him again.
DS has been saying recently that his friend doesn't talk to many people at their new school, and that the other kids see him as weird and silly. DS and he do get on, so I thought maybe I should encourage DS to invite him back to ours again to perk him up a bit.

Thing is, I am a bit nervous. DS's friend is very active, loud, clumsy, and doesn't respond to being told 'no' or 'calm down' etc. Last time he was here, something got broken, he was jumping off sofas, wouldn't sit down to eat etc.
Given the weather, there is only so long I can make them kick a ball about, but how can I make it a good time for the boys without it being 'too much' for me (and DD age 7 and impressionable lol!)?

I get the impression that DS's friend rarely gets invites, so tends to go a bit wild with excitement when he does lol!

All suggestions welcome , and hope I haven't offended with this post.

It's a good idea to have a planned activity for the boys to do. Busy hands make for less bouncy boys, in general. If your DS isn't too cool for Lego, yet,

It would be worth talking to his mother beforehand, mentioning that you would love to have him over but you need a few suggestions for helping him to keep calm and understand that he needs to try to show some respect for other people's property and houserules. It could be that she's open to working with you to help her DS be a good houseguest and prepared to back you up by removing him if he starts bouncing off the walls again.

And I would remove everything you wouldn't want breaking or adjusting.

I would make it quite structured and short to start with, perhaps when one of yours has an after school activity. Or plan to meet for a treat like cinema or bowling which only lasts a couple of hours.

Its likely to work better if its not long, and that way you can drop the lad home without it being a big deal. And getting to know the mum would help (a couple of DS1's friends' mothers have a small amount of his Ritalin to give him if he gets way too hyper )

DS is 9, very bright, but for looking-after purposes, he's more like 6. So if you have a dd age 7, treating them all like 7-8 year olds for the duration of the visit should work nicely

Agree with the Move Stuff suggestion. You can never make your house ADHD-proof - but have a word with your DS in advance about choosing things to play with that are not fragile/easily broken. This is not the time to bring out the most carefully constructed Lego models.

Be clear about instructions in advance. If you are eg playing on the Wii, make the rules very clear. You do NOT go anywhere near the tv, certainly not near enough to accidentally chuck the remote through the screen. You do NOT play until you have the strap round your wrist. Etc. Get these basic instructions repeated back to you before kickoff. Some kids with ADHD have problems following long lines of instructions and have problems envisaging consequences. So when stuff gets broken they are genuinely surprised because they never properly grasped the rules: you may have to make things absolutely explicit in a way you aren't used to doing for your own kids.

I'd agree with talking to mum. Get an idea about what are reasonable expectations for him. Maybe he can't sit down to eat. Then again, maybe he is 100% capable of sitting down to eat and does it at home - but is being an arse because he knows he can get away with it with people who don't know him. Only mum can tell you what is a reasonable expectation, and how to get him to behave reasonably.

You are being an utter star, btw, and if I were his mum I would hug you in an embarrassing fashion.