Regret ever asking for help from psychologist.

[macwoozy]

We finally got our appt with the psychologist yesterday to see if she could shed any light on why ds hits out at other children, and to see if she could help with his constant anger. TBH I regret ever involving her in the first place and now I don't know what to do for the best.
Bearing in mind his school has applied for a statement due to his ASD, and his SALT has described him as having a severe communication difficulty, within 5 mins of talking to ds the Pysch said that he's actually at the very mild end of ASD, and seemed surprised when I explained all about his difficult behaviour. She spent a good proportion of the appt asking me all sorts of personal questions about my life etc as if this was relevant to why he behaves like this, and at one point I began to cry which is so unlike me, I'm normally able to keep my emotions together but I was feeling so fed up with it all. She suggested that she was to send another psych down to the school to watch his behaviour, and then to accompany us from school to the park and watch him there as well. Don't get me wrong I'm very keen for any help to sort my ds's behaviour out but the thought of a psych coming along with me to a park makes me feel paranoid to say the least. I've got visions of it being like that nanny programme.
Anyway what really gets me worried about all of this, is jeapordising [sp?} his statement. The psych said that if the LEA were to write to her re statement, then she would write up a report for them, but I don't see why this should have anything to do with her, we've already had the ED psych report done for that {incidentally that was who we were supposed to see, but was changed at the last minute], and if she's quick to judge him as having very mild asd, then what is she going to write in that report of hers? Ds's behaviour is very unpredictable and knowing my luck, he'll be an angelic child at the park that particular day. The school have taken months and months [and months!] to gather all the necessary evidence to prove that ds needs a statement, with some really strong evidence, I don't want to put a spanner in the works.
What would you do? Should I cancel all the help that she could offer just to play safe, I really don't want to wreck my ds's chances of getting a statement.

What sort of psych is she? Clincial? Ed? Psychiatrist? Does she have any experience of autism? Seeming surprised about CB because he's good in one meeting rather suggests she doesn't have a clue.

TBH I didn't even catch her name, as she wasn't the person that had initially been arranged. But she is part of the psychology team in the Child and Family Mental Health dept, I'm guessing this is the same as CAMHS, we were on the waiting list for over 20 weeks, so all this is hugely disappointing. Strangely though, the person I had expected to see was the educational psychologist that had written the report for his statement, so it all seems a bit confusing. Would that suggest that she would in fact be employed by the LEA?

She didn't say in so many words that she didn't believe he had challenging behaviour, we just felt she didn't believe the extent of his bad behaviour. She appeared surprised when I explained that the school had applied for his statement because of his need for 1-1.

After about an hour, she made many assumptions about ds, for instance that he won't have many problems as an adult, that he's likely to pair up with a mother figure, and that he's likely not to be emotionally mature enough to fly the nest until he's about 25, in fact the only problem she envisaged as an adult is that he'll forget dates on anniversaries etc!

Well, I can tell you this all abit of a shock for me, this is a child who can't tolerate crowds, is so impulsive he's a danger, can't follow or understand any group discussions, and doesn't even know how to interact appropriately, 1-1 he can get by, but in a group he has real problems. The school says that without 1-1 he can not make any progress.

She seemed more interested in me, whether I felt inadequate that I no longer had my business [she implied that, didn't actually say it} and asked if I considered myself a bad mother. I came away feeling very confused as I felt she didn't really grasp that my ds's difficultes is down to his ASD, and not how I've brought him up. She did say so that I was very sensitive so maybe I'm reading more into it, I'm just scared to involve her when she might contribute her thoughts to his statement.

OOPS, sorry so long

Oh CAHMS. Says it all realy (useless with ASD 9 times out of 10).

they are about as good as a chocolate fireguard IME of them with regards to DS having AS.

We have dispensed with their services as they were putting the blame on us as parents.

Snap - we've chased our CAMHS involvement off too. Don't get me started on the catalogue of incompetence we've endured over the last 14 months.

Like Macwoozy I too put a lot of faith in the professionals in the beginning but gradually found that many of them aren't very professional at all. My experience was that rather than assess our family needs as individuals, they were looking for stereotypical behaviours and explanations so that they could pigeonhole us as a certain type of family, look us up in a book and treat us accordingly. They had no idea who we were in real life because they didn't bother to find out, and like your psychologist our CAMHS nurse jumped to a lot of conclusions that didn't apply to us. It didn't help that J's been having a brilliantly settled time over the past few months so they've got no personally-observed evidence to go on, just my word that he's been so difficult to manage with for the last seven years.

Not sure what to suggest really. If you're not comfortable with the psych you can back out, but that might jeopardise any future involvement should you need it. Might be best to wait and see how things develop for a while, but ask lots of questions if you're concerned about the direction the assessment is heading. And if you think she's got something wrong, make sure you put her right so that you're both talking about the same child.

Might be worth calling and hopefully speaking to a helpful receptionist / coordinator type person who could clarfy who you saw, her qualification (and date of qualification), and what 'hat' she wears, so to speak (just so you know who you're dealing with).

As an outside (lay) observer, it does sound like she is jumping to conclusions / evaluations without properly taking into account the bigger picture, but it's encouraging she wants to see your ds in different settings I guess. You might want to attempt to clarify if she actually studied your ds' case notes fully (either now, or at your next meeting), to ensure she knows the extent / history of your ds' problems and other conclusions professionals have reached.

There seems to be an agenda imo about blaming non- typical asd / as symptioms- esp the violence as it's something we experience- on the parenting. We're in the same situation. yet as the NAS will tell you, aggressive behaviour in our kids is anything but unusual, hardly surprising either.

Don't know if it's relevant, utter tosh and rubbish or what, but just wrote an essay for the Psychology part of my degree and we had to cover atypical brain processes. I did semntic pragmatic disorder, which as you know is associated symptomatically with AS / ASD. When I looked at the brain I found the regions that are associated with sarcasm etc (as o9ppose to the genral language areas) are on the right hand side of the brain. Similarly a lot of the areas you'd expect to see affected by ASD. Now, as Sam had a birth that could well have caused birth injury I hypothesise that the aggressiona rea became damaged along with those areas that together contribute to the AS disorder.

Probably tosh and conjecture tbh as I'm hardly a Phd, but it made sense to me. And I do like an explanation, even if it's off the wall

Can imagine what CAMHS would say to my theory though

sorry I left out from that the the aggression area is also on the right hand frontal lobe. Sorry,

Thanks for your replies

I agree that they are expecting to see stereotypical family behaviours and I know exactly what role she has for me. She made several references during the appt that she has much experience and as a consultant psychologist she clearly has, but how much with ASD I'm not sure, especailly when you all talk of your bad experiences with CAMHS. [BTW, there is no connection with ED psych, their names were remarkably similar}

We're going away this weekend and will be giving all this alot of thought. I know I shouldn't dismiss any help that's offered to me, especially when I imagine that by cutting my involvement now might effect any help I'll get in the future, but I'm just too concerned that she's going to add her opinions to his statement, and going by her attitude at the appt this certainly won't be in our favour. How she can presume so much in such a short space of time is beyond me. She obviously hasn't any recent reports by other professionals otherwise sh'd know about his difficult behaviour at school as well as home.

With regards to the aggression, she believes he isn't actually aggressive but that his emotional development is on par with a much younger child, so his hitting out is more to do with his way of initiating contact with other children, I do agree that at times this is the case but that doesn't explain why he starts charging at me with his face bright red with fury.

That's interesting what you say peachy, my ds had quite a traumatic birth as well.

Not wanting to stir, I would still want to clarify how long she has spent in this particular field, mw. She may have extensive experience with completely different client groups IYSWIM... Also, if she has been isolated from other professionals' reports etc. I would attempt to lubricate the bureaucratic wheels to ensure she has sight of them.

HTH

God she sounds awful macwoozy. I'm amazed at the assumptions she's made about your DS!

I know that it goes against the grain to turn down any help that appears to be on offer, but she really doesn't sound as if she is going to be any help, does she - quite the reverse.

I agree with hub2dee, all that about leaving home at 25 and forgetting people's birthdays makes her sound quite, quite barmy. What a worry for you- I would definitely find out quite how qualified she really is.

Yes, all that stuff about his future needs....

either she is the latest big find in the field of psychology (or astrology ) or she is a complete waste of space with absolutely no idea of either ASD or the sort of predictions that are appropriate to her role.

Have you considered discussing with the NAS? I did this once after a bad experience, and they were really helpful with what her role should have been etc.

Funny enough she is sending details of NAS so I can make contact with other families in a similar situation, I sat there thinking 'but I've got mumsnet for that' It would be interesting to see what they say about CAMHS though.

Thanks all for your comments

\link{http://www.nas.org.uk/\ here is the NAS}

that was easier wasn't it

.......continued!!

After giving all this a lot of thought, we decided that we had no other alternative than to cancel her 'so called' help, we just couldn't jeapordise ds's chance of a statement, after speaking to her I dread to think what she'd write to the LEA if they asked, [which incidentally we should be getting an answer in two weeks, the LEA asked the school for even more evidence which delayed it somewhat] So dp phones her today to cancel. I can't believe this woman, she told him that after listening to us for an hour she reckons that ds's behaviour is typically normal, and that it is moi who has the problems Where do they get these people from??? How can she describe ds's behaviour as normal when he will suddenly hit out at other children, toddlers, and even complete strangers, and who also has a 1-1 at school, not only because he doesn't understand classroom discussions and instructions etc, but also because of his disruptive behaviour with his many aggressional outbursts. How can she even think that by saying such a thing will help the situation in any way, I'm so angry with her. Ds can make life very difficult for me and she has the audacity to describe his behaviour as normal after one bl##dy session.

hi,wehave a similar problem with our ds who is now thirteen, he has been under camhs for many years now and its only until recently that he had a test for adhd to seewhat level he was at and it came back as 99.9% adhd and 100% ODD, we were only able to haver this test because we went private which stinks, maybe its worth seeing if a pysch can do this test on you child

TBH lillipad, I'm in no hurry to ever see a psych again. She made so many assumptions about me, dp and ds in such a short space of time, that she didn't even try to get a grasp of ds's difficulties. I'm fortunate in that we got a diagnosis of ASD several years ago now, I say fortunate as I know how many parents have to fight for one, I just desperately needed help to control his behaviour. Even his teachers have visited a SN's school to see if they can come up with any strategies to help them manage ds, and then I get some woman who suddenly turns round and says his behaviour is normal, and it's my problem with the way I percieve his behaviour. Is it normal to shadow a 6 year old in a park to prevent him hitting others, to not allow him to run around in a indoor ball park without me closely monitoring him like a 3 year old, to suddenly hit me when he becomes stressed, proper punches too, who has a screaming fit out in the street when he refuses to hold my hand because my hand smells!, hits toddlers who get too close,etc etc etc. Problem is I know I'm taking this to heart because I do know I have problems managing his behaviour and am not feeling at all confident.

I have so much more understanding and sympathy now on how others feel when they're banging their head against a brick wall at not getting the help they need, and the battle that goes in to getting a diagnosis in the first place

it totally emphathise with what your saying, there not a day goes by when I don't have a phone call from the school where hes done something tosomeone or generally been rude and aggressive and you can certainly do without the stares when your child is misbehaving in public you can't win you get people whispering he could do with a good smack but id you dared to do it theyd soon scorn, I ignore my ds when hes performing as its the eassiest way and try to get the hell out of there as fast as I can

Tut Tut, Shame on you