Feeling down row brewing with partner re ss vs mainstream

[autumnsmum]

Hello belated happy new year to everyone just need some handholding pls.myy
Dd 3 has autism and cognitive impairment, she is going through statutory assessment at the moment.as I have previously posted I have visited a ss which I think would be perfect for her , however dp who has agoraphobia and depression is hellbent on her attending a mainstream unit .i don't think this the right place for dd also transport isn't provided which is for ss I also have a son who attends a different school to the unit so I don't know how I'm supposed to get them both to school at the same time. Anyway sorry for the rant its just I'm having sleepless nights worrying bout this and it's causing huge stresses in our relationship thanks for reading just needed to vent.

Thanks for commenting on my post it was very helpful and great to share opinions on this subject as we just want to make the right choice for our son thank you again :)

I think that the best environment is very individual, my child is in mainstream now, he was part time in an Ofsted rated "outstanding" special school. Based on our experience I would have to agree with Star's view on the sum of knowledge Ofsted have around SEN. He was most certainly not educated in the special school setting, babysat would imply a greater level of care so I wouldn't use that term in our case. Ignored might be better although offline I would choose much stronger language. I spend my time now fighting to get the resources he needs in a mainstream school but I feel that this isn't the right choice for every child and may not be the right choice for our child in the not too distant future. Toni27 I wish you and your DP the best of luck with such a difficult decision.

My advice is to ignore the official labels of "unit, ss, mainstream" etc and take a really good look at the actual on the ground provision for children with needs as similar to your specific child as you can find.

My sibling and one of my closest friends both attended special schools growing up - no employer has ever blinked twice. My sibling is now a graduate and my mate has a list as long as your arm of professional qualifications. Both are able to work and lead independent lives etc, etc. Neither would have got there without access to specialist intensive teaching during their childhoods, instead they'd have been consigned to the scrap heap . Mainstream would NOT have meant they'd have had 1/4 the quality of adult life they've been able to enjoy.

They are both "mainstream adults" for want of a better way of putting it, and I suspect that underneath the fear of the special school label that's the long term outcome your partner desperately wants for his child. (I think this is probably the angle you need to go at him with).

There are amazing mainstreams, and ss's out there and diabollically appalling examples of both. Ofstead is irrelevant as far as judging educational provision for SEN, my own child was abused in a school considered outstanding by Oftsead yet is positively thriving in an environment these so called "experts" consider merely satisfactory. Sadly Ofstead is now about politics & the latest ministers faddish pet project, rather than the the real evidence based science of learning imho.

My own child is now doing really well in a mainstream with a special unit. Thing is the unit is for deaf children, NOT ASD like my son is. It wouldn't have been an obvious first choice iyswim, yet it's the best for my child due to the specific ways ASD has affected him in particular, and the teaching styles and knowledge & sheer dedication of the staff at his current school.

ASD is such a massive spectrum, and the sensory issues associated with it alone can mean that the perfect environment for one child may be hell on earth for another. Look, look, and look again for yourself. Examine with a fine tooth comb, ask pertinent searching questions. If your partner is unwilling or unable to join you in your quest then you'll have to put your child first.

Also bear in mind that children change as they get older - be mentally flexible enough to consider that your child may switch between special school and mainstream over the years as she develops. A helluva lot can happen between the ages of 4 & 18.

Sounds very hard - we've been trying to think our way through schooling decisions and its really hard to know whats best so I really sympathise. Like others I would recommend visiting everything and seeing what you think about how your child would fit in there rather than getting bogged down in the labels. I hope you manage to talk lots and that your partner manages to go and look at the different options despite his agoraphobia.

I have been thinking about this thread and I suppose, in a way, my experience with trying mainstream first for my severely autistic and then minimally-verbal DS was a failure, as in the end he was just too severe and we moved him to (a v good) SS.

BUT I absolutely will never regret the 3 years he had in a mainstream classroom, as I think it gave him a fantastic grounding in how to cope around large groups, around noise, around NF children, and just generally how to manoeuvre himself around the chaos of a 30-strong mainstream primary class. He also learned letters, colours, numbers, PE, painting etc, albeit that a lot of the actual work he did came via me or his ABA tutors/LSAs.

Plus, there was always the chance that he would thrive and fly in mainstream, as had his autistic sister (who is now pretty much indistuingishable from her normal peers.)

So I suppose I would come at it from the angle - unless it is clearly out of the question, why NOT try mainstream first?

I send ds to a mainstream school which is (atm) working very well. But he has suitable, trained support (ABA trained TA) and ongoing supervision from our ABA team. Plus a supportive, understanding school who I think genuinely do care about his education.

The balance for us is ensuring the school don't have either too high expectations (eg assuming he's understood something when he hasn't) or too low (ie assuming he won't be able to participate because of his ASD). At the moment it swings a bit too much to the former, but we make sure we have regular meetings and we have control of his IEP.

Also ds has HFA and has brilliant imitation skills - wants to be like his peers really.

Without the right school and most importantly, the right support, I would not feel that secure.

I think it all depends on each child, obviously. I do agree with sickof in some ways too, that some ss babysit more than ms schools.

And what bochead said: My advice is to ignore the official labels of "unit, ss, mainstream" etc and take a really good look at the actual on the ground provision for children with needs as similar to your specific child as you can find.

Thanks again support worker has said I have to go and look at resourced provision next week . Have floated idea of split ss mainstream placement by dp also the support worker who said dd is to able for ss is going to observe her at nursery next week , nursery workers have said to me she needs ss.

children are with their peers at special school too!

yes good point

OwlLady I completely agree

I think people forget they are just children and your child is one of them as well! I remember some woman saying to me that her sister wouldn't let her neice who had down syndrome and sld attend my daughters special school because she didn't want her mixing with children with special needs and she needed to be with normal children. I was a bit she said it to me because (a) my daughter has special needs but she is also a child but (b) her sister didn't want her daughter to mix with people like her, it's as though she couldn't see her dd had SN herself and honestly how would you feel if someone openly said to you 'actually it's fine for my child but I don't want them mixing with children like yours'
sorry off soapbox

Mil said first of all she would be held back by being with children like her in ss while also telling me endlessly lots of children are worse I can't win

I think it is to do with the modelling and also practising real life, rather than an objection to children with SN for most.

However, being in a class with children who's needs are similar to yours, means the teacher can focus on teaching in a way that the children will learn iyswim.

Having said that, I do agree that some SS are not much more than babysitters and for THAT reason I would be against sending my ds to many of them.

my dd's special school has classes of 7 pupils each with their own schedule and workstation. I really couldn't see that happening in mainstream :o but I do agree it dpends on the school, the last one she went to facility wise was great, teaching/class size was awful