Seeing paediatrician in January: how do I make sure he gets a true picture of my ds

[clare40]

We have our first appointment in January for my 5 year ds. The school, and more importantly me believe he may have an attention deficit problem.

I have two concerns, firstly how do I describe an accurate account of what he is like. We do have some good days, like today and I think may be we are wrong to worry. But, most days he is such hard work with lots of erratic behaviour. It has taken me over 3 years to book this appointment. How do I ensure the pead gets a true account?!

Also, my dh refuses to even contemplate that there could be something going on with our ds. He will be at the meeting. Any ideas on how to manage this without a row in front of the good doc??

Thank you in advance for your help.

"I" not "me". Sorry

Hello
We were in a similar situation not all that long ago . I made a list of 'all the things which drive us crazy' - put like that, DH was very happy to contribute to the list, which ended up being quite a long document. I also asked DH 'What he could change if we could?' and 'What differences do you notice between DS and other children? Some of it wasn't relevant so didn't make the list, but most was and it was good to get it all down on paper. This gives you a document that you can take to the appointment - I left a copy too. I think many DH (and grandparents) find it very difficult to accept that there may be something amiss and then worried again about what it might all mean. For balance I'd include a section at what he's great at - I wish I'd done that as I felt really bad about this long, negative list. We're taking our DD next week to see the same people and I'm going to try to make it more balanced. Good luck!

keep a dailt diary for a couple of days, ask school to fill in the time he is there.
Doesnt have to be detailed, just bullet points but will give you enough to focus your concerns so that the docs conversation & questions doesnt distract you too much.
Take a copy so that you cna leave it with them if needed

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply. Ruggles - your suggestion is great and very diplomatic! Also, a diary is a great idea.

As in what are my concerns are its the extent of his hyperness, I know all boys have crazy times, but My ds is like it nearly all the time. He is so loud all the time, screams a lot and can't play
Calmly. He never plays with toys. He enjoys annoying people and has not got any friends. I could go on. His memory is very poor.

I think paediatricians usually ask for developmental history too, so it might help if you think back to whether he reached his milestones at around the usual time, or if any were noticeably late or early. Also, if his behaviour seems predictable (so you have a reasonable idea what's coming, and know what triggers inappropriate behaviour off) perhaps you could video the behaviours without his being aware of it? Do take something along that will hold his attention, if there's anything - some paeds' clinics have toys/books for this purpose, but ours didn't so I'm prepared these days... unless dc closely examining the plumbing fixtures of the room is part of the diagnostic process

I remember the first appointment I went to for my DS.

You will find once you get in there and you start talking to the consultant everything will just come pouring out.

They do ask developmental history and ask you things which will help them.

Before this appointment I was at my wits end because I cannot remember the times people told me that my son knew full well what he was doing and it was how we parented him. But after being with the consultant for a few mins....she turned round to me and said "I can tell you now that this is not the way you parent"! I then felt a sense of relief that someone finally understood me!!

I hope it goes well x