Ex is being very unreasonable..

[mummycare]

We split up over 4 years ago in that time i have had a new partner for 2/ 1/2 years which i kept away fromt he children. he was a lovely guy but i knew he didnt want to be part of a family unit so they never really met him only as my friend a handfull of times. Meaning we did not act like a couple in front of the kids. This relationship ended cause even though he was lovely i knew he wasnt the one to come into our family for living with me. Then a few months ago i met a new guy and i feel he is wanting to be part of a family unit and would be better around the kids. My ex has had a girlfriend for almost 3 years. Because the kids never really mentioned another man and even though i know lots of men and they do hang around us he has gone really mad that i have a new man around the kids and that he got them a present (a majicians set) and when he asked my son who it was from and my son said mummys friend he went mental at me. He always said that he has accepted that a man will one day be around them but that seems to be a lie and is not the case. The kids 8 & 9 one with special needs dont like seeing my ex much and only want to see him on a set day each week. Ex has now demanded that he has them more. My beleif is that he doesnt want them around the new guy. The kids really dont want to see me ex any more than they are. He has never been a hands on dad and has alwasy neglected them in phone calls and turning up and also cancelling how many days he sees them for. These are some of the reasons why they dont want to see him really but are not all of them.

So my ex can be at his girlfriends house with her kids but i cant have anyone around me that appears to be a threat to him.. i am so angry.. double standards huh.. thats why i have been cautious in having someone staying at my house as i new this would happen.. aarrgghhh..

Mummycare, he sounds like an arse. Too right it's double standards. Sounds like you are well out of it.

Will your DC with SN struggle if the relationship doesn't work out? I suppose it's just one more thing to have to worry about. I hope this new guy is the one for you. Sounds like you've been really considerate of your DCs' feelings and are taking things gently, what more can you do? Forget the ex, he'll have to take you to court and I very much doubt they'll be interested in his plan. Your DC would have their opinions sought as well and your DC with SN needs a reliable routine. For better advice I'd post on the relationships or single parent board as well.

Merry Christmas.

I have no advice sorry but didnt want to not reply, you are doing nothing wrong and your ex is going to have to learn to live with it. Maybe you could remind him about double standards.

Be kind to yourself and good luck

I wish i could just brush it off but its the verbal and the texts that i get from him that i cant cope with. My current partney has agreed to come in also as my friend for a few months too so not to upset things any more. Whish is very kind and considerate of him. But he threatens me around money and the house inwhich his name is on the mortgage but he has never paid any of, we have a prenupt but it was made so many years ago, it will not be valid now in the ways prenups can be over turned. I have been to many solicitors and some say he can some say he cant. So he has me trapped in all ways really. I am living in constant anxiety about me being happy.

Thanks you for all your replies. its a tough one to handle and going legal would mean i wouldnt be able to afford to live as i am just outside the catchment of legal aid. not that there are too many of them left. plus i would want to get a special needs solictor anyway as they would make everyone see that my son can not have so many changes and because he does shift work this would mean his routine would be all over the place.

Very sad about things today...

ps childrens views are not taken into consideration under the age of 13 and then sometimes they are still not taken into consideration. I have researched it over years and the amount of kids that still have to see the other parent and they have told the courts they dont want to. Also i have alot of charitys that help me out and they confirm the same and so does the many contact centres i have contacted too.