Update on my eldest DD :)

[coff33andmintspies]

7 weeks in and she is still there. Finally had and that her key worker fought for. Said if they were to dx they would put her in the bullimia bracket now instead of annorexia. body mass under 19%. 18.5% is the cut off for being underweight and in danger and she is only 4 points off but they have the excuse to say she doesnt meet criteria for annorexia. Still currently doing 800 sit ups a day and now making herself sick to rid of the one meal a day she has to eat to stay there. Insist on using "disordered eating" instead of "eating disorder" when asked we were privately told its a funding thing. If they stick to disordered eating then she doesnt need 1 to 1 intensive help and can just go for group work. If they dx her with an eating disorder then they have to fund 1 to 1. It stinks of NHS crafty protocol but we are used to that here hmm?

She is doing well though and sticking it out for which I am proud. In January she will have a course to go to for either learning to be comfortable with weight gain or eating support course but she has to choose 1 and cant do both! they are treating her as bullimic.

Also having full assessment for PTSD and mental health issues which stem way back to childhood times the attack just finished her body off I think.

On a more postive note they are helping her find supported housing and she has viewed one that she can stay there for a year in a big house share. Would be 2 years but again council/gov whatever maybe lowering it to 1 year. Its sort of a stepping stone back into real world so to speak. In the meantime she has been put on housing register and whilst she is there they will help her with council to move her up ladder.

She has made a very hard decision to not to come back to this town. So memories fade. She has never left me so if anything these people have helped her move on in life even if its with support. I am grateful to them for this even though its heart wrenching at the same time x

23 yrs old in a few days and her life is starting to get better :)

Oh and she is coming home for christmas day!!! Which the DCs are thrilled about. We are going to have the best day ever :)

That's brilliant Coff. Little steps can become big strides.
Hope you all have a fab Christmas!

hope you have the best christmas, that is lovely news!!

bless you and your family coff

sounds like your DD is on her way to recovery - have a lovely christmas x x x x

How brave of your dd to make that decision, glad she is allowed home for Christmas

Great news wishing you a great day and year.

Onwards and upwards. It sounds like the negatives are being outweighed by the positives ATM. I'm so pleased she is home for Christmas Day. Well done DD1 and coff both.

That's wonderful coff. There are no quick fixes of course but what you have done for your dd is fight for her to have a chance, and you must be so proud that she is trying to make the best of that chance.

If she could simply NOT do her sit ups or get rid of her meal then she wouldn't be there would she? Bless her, and bless your family.

Brill news that's she's doing well and that you get to spend Christmas with her.
Sounds like 2013 is going to be a good year for your family :)

brilliant.
Sounds like the New Year is looking positive

So very very pleasd for you coff x

well done your DD, 7 weeks and still working at it. 2013 going to be more positive in the Coff house. Lovely news. Hope you all have the best ever christmas day and best wishes for 2013 xxxx

Lovely to hear that she is making progress. I hope your Christmas is amazing for the whole family.

Aww that is such good news coff. Have a great Xmas ! :-)

Great news Coff

Aww thank you very much all

Only a few more days and this year is out thank goodness. Its been hell from start to finish. But its ending on a good note :)

I got to admit I had a cry as it dawned on me that all the panic attacks when she was young, the bullying at school, not wanting to go, me having to stay in nursery with her when she was 3, hated other kids, loved being by herself, low self esteem. It was all put down to attachment to me due to divorce issues and a psychotic father......But I think you know what I am thinking, I think not knowing anything about sn all those years ago that I got it wrong with DD. I have always fought her corner and we are very close but I have this niggling feeling this is why she is so complex nowx

Anyhow onwards and upwards. Time to wrap more pressies! x

coff, we all mess up our children. our parents messed up with us. we don't do it on purpose. provided we do the best we can with the information available to us how can we blame ourselves. the environment, values and peers your dd grows up are not something you have experienced so you're bound to get some things wrong sometimes.

But to love your dd unconditionally with the drive that has you screaming at people, well your dd sees that. Don't underestimate what you have got right.

Ah coff, the important thing is that she's recognised to have an important eating issue and is getting help of some sort. This summarises what research studies say is effective. In some ways, getting a primary anorexia diagnosis could even deprive her of later input for the other issues, the NHS is great at obsessively focussing on a single factor, much better even than ds1 . Community living and/or group input might even have some therapeutic advantages.

If i remember right, didn't they talk also about substances, personality stuff, anxiety /depression symptoms etc and i thought you also mentioned an overlap with adhd criteria plus some asd traits? The psychotic father and attachment issues are probably just the icing on a v complicated cake.

Your DD is very courageous, seems to take after her mum, I think!

Thank you for the links maria :) yes I think it is similar to what they are doing for her locally near her base now. The people in this support house all have MH issues and it is a kind of initial step out into the world with support.

I am glad as that means there is another years healing with company and support on top. This could give her chance on the eating side.

Yes she carries traits. Control issues are a biggie hence she doesnt want to let control go of her body. Anxiety as a child (and her bastard father) gave her 5 duodenal ulcers. Has to constantly be on go, tidying up cleaning cant sit still. Socially she would speak but not go out her way. She is clever though and learnt to us a smile to hide all. Girls are clever like that! Use to hide in wendy house in nursery grab all cushions and barracade herself in quite happily and go to sleep!

She is complex but of course I have been used to that lol, she has now understood she really does have MH issues that need addressing so she is on the mend a slow one but its a good one and she is having a psychiatrist to look into and support that side of things.

NOW does ANYONE know what I can do with an 11yr old who has pmt for the first time! Yes my little girl is not so little and DH is now officially scared to death that there are 3 females he has to content with all at different times of the month

She has shocked her Daddy today by shouting at him "I KNOW I HAVE TO CLEAN MY ROOM!"

He can cross his fingers you all get into synch and then hide in the shed with the newspaper some important DIY

You'll all sync in eventually so he'll have a week 2wks top of PMT

So pleased about the news about your oldest DD. Hope things continue to improve. Best wishes for a really happy Christmas.