Hello,
I am a reasonably regular poster and have never posted here before although I really need some advice/opinions on DSD.
DSD is 14.5 and lives with her mother. She sees us every other weekend and half of all holidays so there is regular contact.
I have known her since she was three and we have a good, friendly relationship.
She has always been a bit reclusive and quiet, nothing too unusual there I suppose. Her dad (my DH) is also an introvert and doesn't like socialising much either. I had always assumed she was like him.
As she has been getting older, she has becoming even more reclusive and quiet than ever before. Not making eye contact, barely engaging in conversation, certainly not starting conversation and often just giving one word answers when spoken to without making eye contact.
Others have commented on it and a couple of relatives, who she has known her whole life but doesn't see often, have also mentioned it and one particular family member had commented on how rude she'd become; to be fair, I can see their point in this particular instance.
She has two friends only, who she really sees outside of school and spends most of her weekends, both with her mother and with us, reading alone and avoiding engaging with any of us where possible. Her mother has a very active social life to my knowledge most of her weekends spend with her mother, are spent alone at home reading, on the web etc.
When with us, we have to ask her repeatedly to join us in family activities which she will eventually do so reluctantly and given the chance she will slip off at every opportunity to spend time alone in her room.
The reason I am posting in this instance is because of a particular incident yesterday which has struck me quite profoundly and filled me with concern.
We had been out to panto and had ended up in McDonalds for something to eat.
As we were walking to the doors to go in, i had asked her what she wanted to which she shrugged and said she didn't know and wasn't sure what they offered. She obviously doesn't eat there a lot, neither do we, fair enough.
I had ordered for my boys, my husband, and myself and then I turned to her and asked her what she wanted and she looked utterly bewildered.
I asked her if she had decided and she became visibly distressed and flustered and started to say she didn't understand. I asked her what she didn't understand and she said, this (pointing to the menu) and so I said I don't know what you mean, surely you can just read it and see what they have and go from there, to which she said, she doesn't understand what the particular items are. This in itself was confusing enough, because she can read properly I (is exceptionally bright academically) so I then said, well ask, just ask the guy behind the counter if you don't know. At this point she started cowering away, burst into tears, put her hands up to her face and refused to speak to me or her dad or tell the guy what she wanted.
We were utterly shocked at this point, she was clearly unable to make a decision and didn't want to have to engage with the young man behind the counter so I gently said to her, if you want to know what something is, just ask and he'll tell you. Still crying she turned her back on us, put her hands up to her face and wept, literally wept real tears due to the distress she was in because she couldn't cope with having to make a decision/order some food/speak with the guy - all of the above I suppose.
Upshot is I managed to order her something that she would eat and we all sat down together, but I am totally shocked at the response she gave to this.
This wasn't sullen teenage behaviour, this was genuine confusion and distress and I think perhaps in addition to other behaviour changes, she needs to speak with somebody or perhaps be assessed.
Her mother shows very little interest in her (this is another story) and i have repeatedly commented to my DH over the years that she spends too much time alone and that we should encourage her to interact more and engage with us a little more, but now I'm starting to think there is more to it than this.
Can anybody advise on this, if you think this is seems odd or if this is typical teenage behaviour, if we should ask somebody (SENCO) in her school to have somebody speak with her to see if anybody can advise of shed some light.
I am a little worried, she doesn't seem happy and her behaviour generally is becoming increasingly concerning.
Thanks for reading.