Does my son has any special need (asperger, mild autism)?

[rrbrigi]

Hi,

I would like to hear opinions if these type of behavior normal, or indicate some type of special need and if it is normal is there anything I can help him with?

I will cut the long story to short. It is an ongoing problem since nursery (or earlier). He is 4 and a half now and in Reception. He has only 1 friend (she is a girl). He does not like to interact with others or participate in group works (either small or big).He says he does not like to go to school, because he does not have enough space and there are too many children in it. He hates lunch time play, because then all of the children from the school are outside. He does not interrupt the lesson; the teacher does not have any problem with him, only he is very quiet. Usually if he speaks with people he does not look at in the people eyes (expect family members). Socially he does not like to be with children. He hates to go to parties, and even if we go he does not do anything just sit on my lap. He does not want a party for himself, because he does not want the children to come. He is ok with adult, He likes his teacher especially when the teacher working with him. He likes to play with us. And he is ok to communicate with adult who he knows. He has strong opinion about things that very hard to change. He loves being at home, that is his favorite and I need to force him to go out somewhere (even shopping, playground, visit his friend, restaurant, etc?). He loves me very much. Every day we hug and kiss each other at least half an hour in the morning, half an hour when he comes home from school and another half an hour before bedtime.

The teacher asked me if I can help for him, because it would be better for him if he could play with the other children, but I do not know how. I do not want to force him to go to parties, playgrounds because he hates them. We go to the playground only if there is nobody or very few people, otherwise he asks me to go home.

Any advice much appreciated.

The best advice any of us can give you is to go to the health visitor/gp and request an assessment.

If there is an issue, a team of people will be able to see this, if there is not, you will be reassured and you can go from there.

Is he an only child? Is he used to being with lots of people? Or is it only recently that he's found himself in situations where he's in a crowd?

He is an only child and much loved (because of the situation how he was born and because we lost her sister, it was a stillborn). He always hated crowdie places (even bouncy castles). When we go home to Hungary, the family is quiet big (12-14) and he copes with it very well (family dinner, noise, etc...).

I am ok with my son as he is now. I really do not mind that other children are not coming every day in our house, as long as it won?t cause a problem for him in the future. I just do not know because if I let him behave in this way and he will have problem from this in the future I would be very sad.

As I said the teacher does not have any concerns about him, because he is a bright boy and copes very well in the classroom (education side). He is not aggressive at all. He definitely does not need a TA in the school. The only thing is that he behaves a bit weird in socially.

Sorry but I cannot see why diagnose could help him (because he does not need extra support from the school)? Are they giving me advice how to help him socialize?

At this point, you are only looking to see if there is an issue.

There may not be.

But if there is, then it is always better to know. Just because someone is coping at one point does not mean that this will always be the case, and if you leave it until they are in crisis before beginning what is a VERY lengthy process, it gets very very hard for them. They miss out on support (a lot of support is not available to you without a diagnosis) while they are being assessed.

Better to undergo assessment while they don't need extra help. Then if there is something, it is noted, plans put in place and if there comes a time when there is a problem - you're not held up going through all the assessment stuff.

It is always better to know sooner rather than later. And coping isn't the same as thriving, anyway.

But like I say, there may not be anything to diagnose. It's just better to rule it out.

Assessment doesn't give a child a condition. It just identifies one if it exists.

Wise words HECK, I will use " coping isn't the same as thriving" often, words that I have not found to describe my sons behaviour in lots of situations.
He copes only to explode with me later.

My Daughter was very like your son...extremely quiet and not liking parties and crowds. I advise you to ask the teacher which little boys are nice...which ones might be good, quiet boys and then ask one to play after school. Just ask the boy's Mum if that might be possible and when might be a good day for it. Let the Mum know she can come too if she wants to....my daughter improved a lot through having playdates with nice, quiet children....she i 8 now, very quiet but has been assessed as not having Aspergers or anything related.

She's just sensitive and bright.

I'm guessing you're doing this already so the point of going to the dr would be to see if there is an underlying cause for the ehaviour, one that lets you and teacher intervene in a more specific way.

For example, with poor peripheral vision you hate the other children rushing around in playgrounds because it feels like being in the middle of a motorway. With ASD you might withdraw because you find facial expressions, tone of voice and body language difficult to understand. With dyspraxia, you might be afraid of tripping up and being laughed at. With migraine, the noise and fluorescent lights of the lunch area might give you nausea.

Practically speaking, MrsMushroom's ideas sound useful. Private music lessons shared with 1 or 2 other children might be an idea? Or even music therapy?