asd/aspergers - its so grinding to be told it's all my stupid fault/my stupid face/ shut my mouth etc etc

[notactuallyme]

I know all the theory - can't explain feelings, really upset, reaches for an insult etc. But, it doesn't help make my day happier knowing this. And then waiting to 'discuss' what we should say when we are cross that something is unfair/ we don't want to be 'nagged' / we think you are mean. Because getting told off straight away leads to throwing/shouting etc (him, not me!). I'm doing what I was told - it's just sooooo wearing.

Just noticed no one had responded and wanted to let you know you're not alone. It makes you feel like you're being a total doormat.

Yes so very difficult. Deep breaths and wine this time of year seems to bring out the best and worst in my ASD cherub

Thank you! I've been distracted by the lack of replies by my dead fish thread!
Thank you. Just need reminding (zero training for parents round here) that I'm not alone.

After months of relatively angelic behaviour, we had devil child today, complete with repeatedly punching dad, running away, verbal abuse, the lot. Then I end up apologising to him because his dad lost it and told him he didn't want to see him. Not the best reaction on DH's part, which we have discussed, but understandable when you've been through hell for him over a period of years and get punched and abused for your effort.

All very familiar; nice to be reminded we are normal...its very challenging to never respond, or if you do respond, to end up apologising for shouting (as you say, after months of being called names and having things thrown at you)
And you are right - left alone, he came and apologised without prompting.

I know it dosn't help you but some how,knowing Im not the only person in the world in this situation, some how helps!

Take care.

Definitely not alone. Some days, it's like living with a tyrant. And he doesn't "do" apologetic, which makes it harder.

DH bears the brunt of the verbal and physical abuse

I have been told in no uncertain terms that I have never achieved anything in my life though (my father speaks from beyond the grave )

Imogen - don't mention blinking fish. (Concurrent thread...)
It's very hard to put up endlessly with being shouted at, and verbally abused: I am much more sympathetic to tears and meltdowns over broken twigs or crushed ants.

Dh also receives shoves in this house - yet if anyone accidentally knocks ds, all hell is unleashed - it's always perceived as a deliberate attack on him.

Ouryve, I often feel I like using the description of " living with a tyrant " to describe my little one. I hate hate feeling like this about him, I adore him , but its tough feeling like you can say so little to correct such oppressive behaviour because anything too "discipline" like only escalates that behaviour. I am struggling at the moment with him, maybe it is the time of year....I really hope so. Sympathise with all of you, it's just incredibly tough.

Oh yes. Another one here too. DS1 cannot finish a sentence without "you stupid dumb mum" on the end of it.

It is tiring and depressing and hurtful. You are NOT alone in your frustration.

why polter i am grateful not to be alone if I am
Last night I was a witch and I look like one too. (Concurrent shall i go grey thread may confirm this)

I am very glad ds (almost 7) is not swearing yet and not very aggressive to us anyway he often punches himself. The attitude is definatly coming though, lots of 'thats not fairs!' and foot stamping. 'you dont let me do anything' hes attempted calling me a loser but my reaction seemed to nip that in the bud. Unfortunatly my problem with ds is being in front of others he simply will not do a thing hes told and blanks me competely or shouts NO at me. If i try to get hold of him he will wrestle me and i do worry that when hes bigger 8,9,10... i will be unable to control him. He grabbed my arm the other day really hard and wouldnt let go, he wanted to cuddle and i wanted to stop he wouldnt listen and i had to really force him off and it did give me an 'oh' moment i didnt like it at all.