School Refusal

[Boo2323]

Hi all very new to all this but needed some help and advice in this area. DD started secondary school in Sept went for about 5 days in total became increasingly more distressed, anxious and scared by the new experiences, situations, friendship groups and changes. Anxiety caused panic attacks, fight/flight reactions, aggressive, abusive behavior. Ran away from DH when he dropped her off one morning, talked about taking her own life so she didn't have to be so scared and anxious. All "normal" family life stopped and things got very distressing. Very quickly I was signed off work with stress and so was my DH for a short time. Other issues going on were DD's social anxiety when going places, her loss of friends and the terminal illness of her paternal nan and aunty. DH referred to CAMH's been assessed and on waiting list. Just completed a CAF form with school and at them moment DH is getting up every morning for school getting dressed, and to school I drop her off in the car park and then she walks into school as far as she can. This has been a form of exposure to her fears, taking tiny steps and from a point where she refused to even get dressed 2 months ago this is an improvement. School has a pastoral year group teacher who meets DH and me 3 times a week so we can discuss home learning assignments as I am trying to help her do school work at home. Also the same teacher meets DH occasionally in the mornings to help her to get further into school. Her target set by myself & DH is to get to Registration where she can start to build new relationships and friendships with her form group. Very much at a loss of what to do next!!! Wide awake tonight worrying about the future and how our life has changed so dramatically in three months and how much I miss my own work but know I need to be home to support the family and DH get through this sad time. Any advice or just thoughts from such a wide and experienced group of parents would be very much appreciated.

Thanks PolterGoose She did have less pronounced issues in Primary and had some help with a fear of being sick, which resulted in her having some CBT support from CAMH's in year 5. Her Primary School and teachers were very supportive but I think there were underlying issues that have continued to rumble on and have come back with avengence since September. She is fearful of many aspects of everyday life. Crowds, busy places, new social situations, feeling sick, cooking smells, shopping and now since I have been off work she is struggling with separation anxiety. We have the book and are just about to start using it with DD.
Thank You.

Completed lots of diagnostic developmental forms and assessments for CAMH's last month, and primary school sent lots of infor and evidence and I had a call from our last councilor that the team including a pediatric psychologist had rulled out any of the ASD, ADHD, and a raft of other conditions. This re-assured me to some extent but I will have a look at the book you suggested. Many thanks

Hello - pannetone again. I see you made it to Special Needs - welcome! Interesting that Poltergoose asked whether Aspergers had been considered - we are now in the process of having DD assessed. When she started primary the speech and language therapist (SALT) who was advising on her selective mutism, said she didn't think autism/aspergers was likely. 2 years on, seeing DD for the first time a new SALT thought she should be assessed. We have had a bit of a battle with CAMHS over doing an assessment - a year in to their involvement they still wanted to wait to see if her selective mutism 'improved' before doing the assessment. We have done the parental interview (ADI) with a developmental paediatrician and she has picked up features 'typical of autistic spectrum in girls'.

So I suppose I'm saying I'd be a bit wary of conditons being 'ruled out' unless a full diagnostic assessment has been made - has your DD had assessments like ADOS? And also, at least in my area, you have to be pretty persistent to get CAMHS to agree to do a full assessment. (They refused to assess DS initially and process of getting his ASD diagnosis has taken about 18 months). Until we had the ADI I had thought DD's social and communication difficulties were because of her selective mutism. The paediatrician made me realise that it is more likely that the social and communication difficulties are because DD is on the autistic spectrum and the selective mutism is a 'sympton' not a 'cause'.

For what it's worth my 10 year old DS (with the ASD diagnosis) sounds very similar to your DD - you summed it up perfectly when you said she is 'fearful of many aspects of every day life.' DS has all those sensory and social difficulties - plus issues with food. I am hoping the fact he has a diagnosis will help in his transition to secondary school next Sep.

Hi boo, My Dd3 has a diagnosis of ASD she is high functioning, it took a long time to get her diagnosis because her ability to hold it together at school masks many of her symptoms.

At her previous rubbish school she could go days without talking to an adult and by the time we moved her she was in danger of becoming depressed.

Many proffs are still missing asd and aspergers in girls and the girls are having to struggle through school with no support.

My Dd3 was assessed using a DISCO assessment which has been designed to help the proffs find those complex people who can get missed.

Dont discount asd as someone else said, it may have been missed.

Good luck

Hello.
DD2 has a long and painful history of school anxiety, refusal, separation anxiety etc. Also is puke phobic, has big issues with change, shops, clothes and food.
She was diagnosed Aspergers when dhe was 13.

After years of not being able to go to school much of the time and missing at least 1 or 2 days every week ( and the battle to get her there the rest of the time) things are finally getting better.

She has a reduced timetable which is very individual. She is in a small group that do just maths, english and science with other stuff thrown in to the mix, and the change has been amazing. I think because the pressure is off and she doesn't have to do everything else. This term she has been in every day.

She had some CBT which didn't really work (because she hated the therapist woman) but maybe an option to consider.

Thanks so much for all the ideas, suggestions and routes for us to follow up. Will have a good read up on the ASD & Aspergers info with girls that has been suggested.

Hi boo, Sorry to hear your dd is having such a hard time at the moment. the transition to secondary school is a very common time for school refusal to come to a head although other factors like family illnesses can trigger the anxiety too. We've had similar experiences with ds now 14 when he started secondary and sadly there are no quick fixes. The progress you and she have made already is great - I know they seem like really small steps but it is going in the right direction. Do you have ongoing support from camhs? CBT, or counselling and possibly medication may be things which will help alongside teh programme of gradual exposure to her fears.

Also ther are some forums around specifically for school refusers and their families eg www.schoolrefuser.org.uk/

I'm also involved in setting up a local group based in surrey.If that's near you and you are interested, please pm me.

Thanks pinkorkid, we are on the road with CAHM's at last so we will see what that brings.