How to discuss the subject of his own possible SN with my DS, any hints?

[SolidGoldFrankensteinandmurgh]

DS is 8 and there are too many indications to ignore any longer the possibility that he has Aspergers. So I rang the GP and we are going to have an appointment either end of the month or early January, which is apparently the first step before referral onwards.

But what do I say to DS to prepare him, and how can I explain to the GP in front of DS without making it sound to DS as though he is 'bad' or 'wrong'?

Do you have to discuss it with the GP in front of your DS? I'd be tempted to take him along with your DH or a friend, briefly introduce him to the GP, then talk to the GP in private. Or don't take him at all. Plenty of time to talk to him about a DX once he's closer to getting one.

I'm a single parent (though DS dad almost certainly would agree to come along with us and look after DS while I talked to the GP) - but they said on the phone, oh you have to bring the child along for a general appointment to start with. Maybe they do mean, bring him along then send him off to the waiting room. I simply don't know .

I would talk to the gp and state your concerns. Fwiw, I agree with you. I no longer talk in front of dd1 (and haven't for some time now) about her difficulties And limitations - she is 8 too, but has severe ASD and a complex langauge disorder; she would not necessarily understand me yet I am unwilling to take that risk.

There is no way I would want to run through a list of shortcomings with a child who was high functioning enough to understand.

Does your ds have any realisation/understanding that he is different from his peers? Is he aware of what he struggles with?

I would ask to speak to the doctor first - could they ask gp to ring you before the appointment or book a double appointmetn so there are two distinct slots - one for you to speak openly about ds without him listening and one for gp to talk to ds hopefully sensitively and discretely afterwards.

Something I have not been very good about, but is a resolution, is preventing the discussion about the child as if they are not there, and Dr's for all there bedside manners, often say the most inappropriate things - in my experience - in front of DC.
Would your son,(and you) be comfortable with him waiting outside in the waiting room, while you have an intitial discussion?

DS is not ASD - but Dyspraxia nd sensory issues. When we go and see anyone, we talk about how it is to help him do better at school, or help him manage his emotions better, or help him with his handwriting.....

I took my DS along to the GP. Beforehand, I had warned him that we had noticed that whilst he was excellent at remembering facts and information and had lots of good things about him, that he had some difficulties communicating with other children and adults (he agreed this was the case). I told him that there was a condition called asperger syndrome, and that we had noticed that lots of the children with asperger syndrome had things in common with DS. I gave him 'Let me tell you about asperger syndrome' (a short book) to read and we talked a bit about it; he could recognise aspects of himself in the information in it. I told him that we were not able to say whether or not he had aspergers but we thought there were enough clues that we wanted him to go and see a specialist doctor, and to do that he had to see our family doctor first. And that in the end, we would be told by the special doctor whether or not he is an 'asperger person'. I never mentioned disorder or disability at this point at all.

I never wanted the process to be hiddenf rom him or for him to be attending appointments not knowing what they were about or what was going on, so we took this approach and it worked well for us.

When we actually went to the GP I had a written list of concerns which the GP kept and used to base his referral letter on; this meant I didn't have to SAY too much in front of DS.

Once we had the diagnosis then I told him about how it's part of the autism spectrum and how some people consider it a disability or disorder, but that we think of it as more of a difference in the way his brain works, in that he is better than many people at some things and finds other things harder than most people. He has always found the 'label' liberating and has been a much much happier boy since his diagnosis.

When I spoke to the GP about having a referral made for DS for AS I had him sit in the waiting room while I spoke to the GP first and then brought him in afterwards to speak to GP too.

I didn't take ds for the initial gp session. Once he was referred though, I did the same as mrslaughan and talked about it as we went along. By the time he GOT his dx, he knew it and had some understanding of it. It was a huge relief to him as well as us... he finally was able to understand why he had difficulties.
He was 10 yo. He's now 15 and calls us 'norms'

Thank you all. When I make the actual appointment I will talk to the GP and arrange either to explain the issues on the phone first or for DS to go and sit in the waiting room for part of it (he can be trusted to sit and read a book or magazine for a few minutes).

And special thanks Ilikemysleep, that sounds like the best way to approach it with him. Several of his close schoolfriends are somewhere on the ASD spectrum (two autistic, one autistic and ADHD and one as-yet-undiagnosed but the mum says 'there's something going on with him') so he may have some idea of the situation himself.