My son, adhd, dyspraxia, school & me ! Long rant !

[Mrssh1]

I will try to start at the start of this all, first apologise for spelling. My son is 4 and attends our local primary school, he has a possible adhd &dyspraxia (not officially confirmed but peads are saying highly likely). Firstly we have everybody involved who we are aware of he is on action plan plus, goes cahms, has a full time one to one, has counselling , children and family practice support, education physiologist, behaviour support, family support worker, health visitor, and paediatrics (I think that's everyone)

So my son goes to school and it starts off fine but only doing half days because he doesn't like change and school was going to be a big thing for him to cope with. I was completely fine with this as it was best for him.

He settled in really well and it was decided to up him to a full day ... On his second day of full days he had a meltdown, was quite aggressive, threw some toys and they decided to restrain him. (I had asked them not to as this aggregates him ) .... I have given them distraction techniques which I use at home for them to try out if last resort call me ... I am 5 minutes drive from the school . This lead to a exclusion for the rest of the week ....

He was bought back into school on a action plan which meant he could only attend 1 hour a day which would increase every Monday aslong as he kept his behaviour up .. This was going so well and we were up to 2 hours . Then last week he has thrown some coloured rice on the floor ( no temper, no outbursts ) literally just thrown it and that was it .i was called in when I picked him up and they wanted me to encourage him to tidy it up , as they had asked but he had refused. I took him into the room and we tidied it up together no fuss, because of this he has now been lowered to 45 minutes which I'm finding an outrage at the lack of wanting to help us /him.

We were also told he wasn't allowed to attend a school trip that I had payed for, not aloud to attend the Christmas party or christingle which the whole school were taking part in ... I offered to go into the school and sit with my son , encourage him or just be there in the background but they have completely refused me .

Please someone if you have had a similar experience please tell me where to go next this cannot carry on and I just don't know what to do I have complained and been met with the head teachers word is final.

Someone help x

This isn't inclusion and is just wrong. He's 4! Im sure the rest aren't angels. They can't afford the provision for him but for heavens sake talk about cracking a nut with a hammer! I think you need to get in touch with the sen dept at the lea. I also think it daft that they are excluding him for a week. He's 4. He doesn't understand this. Grrrrrrrrrrrr

I know what you must be going through. My ds had first exclusion when in reception. I sought input from the area education officer who also got the local pru involved as school had done nothing except use team teach restraint etc which just made it all worse. You need to get him statemented if he isn't already. School should also be organising a multi agency meeting to discuss his needs. We eventually got a caf inorder to have a team around the child 'TAC'. Our last head teacher was ruler of his kingdom and he never wavered from his path. Our involvement did however help us in our new setting but it still isn't easy. Sadly there are too experiences similar to this. Lastly, you don't need a dx to get support in school. Check out the sen code of practice and web sites like ipsea.

Sorry, forgot to mention, we also experienced a phased return: working from one hour upwards. It made life very hard. Some days ds was told to stay home if pru support wasn't available for school.

Thank you ... We have had many cafs and tac meetings about him but they don't seem to be listen it is truly awful his statement is in process and he has full funding already for his time in school ... , we have a pru school but it is referral only when I challenged the Senco about getting a refferal she had no clue .. I am at my wits end x

IPSEA have useful information on their website re such exclusions and what should happen. www.ipsea.org.uk is the website you should also be looking at.

I would seek independent advice from either them or SOSSEN; they are treading on shaky legal ground here re such exclusions.

I would also now be applying for a statement from your LEA asap; clearly his needs cannot be met on School action plus. Such plans can be limited in both scope and levels of support; he needs also to have his legal rights protected and a Statement is legally binding.

Check ipsea but you can challenge the exclusion and bring in someone independent to review it. If you can find the contact for the pru, contact them. Your ds needs as much support he can get. The area education officer can also help put a psp together. It ends up being similar to caf targets but all feed into the ieps further identifying his needs aren't being met. Have you spoken to your parent partnership? Views are varied on them but they might have some advice. I kept chasing things up via our localities group. Have you had involvement with the education psychologist?

Hi endoftherainbow yes he is seeing ed psychologist, I've contact parent partnership several times and I have applied for the statement myself as we'll as supporting the school with them apply for the statement x

Mssh1 - Firstly - the school, how hopeless are they. Not letting him attend with you, is just wrong.

I just wondered if you have had a sensory profile done - I do tend to bang on about it, but there is huge cross over with ADha and Dyspraxia. My ds has Fine motor dyspraxia and Sensory Processing disorder (he is sensory seeking), so many thought he was ADHD....and the behaviour you describe of your son, could definitely been mine at 4......(he is now nearly 8) - it sounds very much like he is going into sensory overload at school.
So I really recommend you look into it as something that could really help, my only thing is that, surprisingly, it is not well understood in general and even developmental peads we have dealt with really don't understand it. The only reason I am so passionate about it, is that in addressing sensory issues with DS - it has completely changed his, and therefore our life. To give you an example we had a meeting with DS school about 8 weeks after we started therapy, and the asked us if we had started medicating him, as the change was so dramatic.

At the same time the area education officer contacted the pru for us, it was reported that the school nurse also made a referral. Our ds was refused a school trip and that was after pru being availableand US ooffering to attend as well. At this point we realised we needed to go somewhere that was willing to try.

I am relatively new to the dyspraxia only having found out this week ... That it is what they think it is ... So I'm not aware of sensory profile .. To be honest I'm not very aware of any of it I did some research and a lot of things do fit my son unable to write / draw hold a pen use scissors .. He's never sat still in his life always moving and I mean always even fidgets in his sleep runs everywhere and falls over numerous times a day. He can't use a knife and fork etc .. But as of yet I'm not very educated on the dyspraxia x

There are a couple of books "out of sync child" and "sensational kids" - sensational kids is a far more approachable read.
We also have just bought a book which I thi k is the best book I have read on dyspraxia - called something like making inclusion work for children with dyspraxia - louis addy is one of the authors - I will look it up as it gives a very accessible description of dyspraxia and how it affects children and why they then behave the way the do - I don't have out copy at the moment as I leant it to DS SENCo.
The dyspraxia association also have a Facebook page - which has some good info.
The thing I would say is dyspraxia is VERY POORLY understood, so to help your DS you really need to educate yourself on dyspraxia and then be prepared to educate his teachers

Through the dyspraxia foundation also found this website
Www.dyspraxiainfo.co.uk
It has some great info on it

The book is
"making inclusion work for children with dyspraxia" by gill Dixon and lois addy
Just realized its that the book is by the lady whose website I just recommended above

I don't know what your financial resources are and where you live, but if you want to take your son to someone about the sensory stuff - I highly recommend Dimitrios and the team at hopscotch in London - the diff they have made in Ds's life is unbelievable.
Another thing you should know is the best test for sensory processing difficulties is the SIPT test - and not just any OT can do it, they should be highly trained - DS went to 3 other OT's before hopscotch and they knew about the sensory stuff, but we're not fully trained and they did not make any real difference to him, his behavior at school and academic attainment. ..... Before hopscotch I was very cynical about OT.
Anyway - I have probably completely overwhelmed you.....
Oh just found another website that looks good (may save you buying books)
School-oT.com
Hope that all helps

I really have to stop now - but one more thing I found
www.efrconline.org/admin/files/Parent'sGuideToSI.pdf

Hi mrssh sorry you are having to go through this, it is a horrid situation and v stressful.

I hate to say this but you might need to look for another school. Tbh, some schools can do inclusion and others really cant. It is down to the HT and the ethos that they create across the school.

We had to move Dd3 when we realised that with or without a dx the school were never going to meet her needs.

Keep coming on here for advice and support and remember you are not alone.

Be kind to yourself and good luck

Good morning .... Thank you for all your help and hints .. Yesterday we were subject to further developments .. He was returning to school after a few days off, for his 45 minutes whEn I went back to pick him up they had excluded him from school ... Till janUary I am so frustrated ... They have excluded him for theft, I actually laughed when they told me he had taken a toy off another child and refused to give it back AND THIS IS CALLED THEFT !!! Crickey what are they coming too ... I have already started to email other school and set up a meeting in the new year

I'm looking into buying the books to understand dyspraxia more thanks for all your help xx

Bvdn

he was excluded for 'theft' in those circumstances
did he take the toy without the child knowing or take it from the child and refuse to give it back?
and they have stopped him from attending trips and school events?
You need to put all this in writing and circulate it to all involved with your son.
You must be so angry.

Yeah he took the toy off the child and didn't give it back for 5 minutes or so when the child asked for it back ... The school said the child was very upset and shocked by my sons behaviour . It was a school toy not the child's ... I am currently in the middle of writing a massive letter starting from the beginning which will go to everyone including ofsted . The big boss from behaviour support has called an investigation to what's going on as they also think he is being treated unfairly

that is so unbelievable - hit them with as much grief as you can.......isn't he 4?
And find a new school, they are obviously incompetent, and know nothing about children. even a child without learning difficulties could do this - it would be expected behaviour. Discrimitory maybe?
I have to say this smacks of, making life as difficult as possible for him, so you will move him. and believe me as much as you may not want to, because the whole situation is wrong, you need to and they will eat away at his self esteem, which will make his difficulties worse.

Yes he is only 4 ..5 end of may I am looking at other schools and have asked parents/ friends to recommend a school to get there opinions on the schools a few have come up with very good senco needs so ill be visiting them in the new year ... I let loose on the head teacher yesterday and said the same , this is discrimination and I intend to do what ever it was to get my son in the right place ... And also complain even threatened to take it to the papers ... It's grinding on me so badly it's making me feel ill .... Thanks for all your advice though makes me feel more positive about the whole situation

Have you been given official notice that you have a right to ask the governors to review the exclusion? You should do so, pointing out repeatedly that he is being punished for his disability and the school's inability to deal with it. You might also like to consider bringing a disability discrimination appeal through the tribunal. It's a lot of work but might actually make this school think a bit about what they are doing.

But I must say that if they are as useless as this already, you might be better off just looking for another school that can do its job.

I really feel for you, you shouldnt be having to deal with this.

To accuse your Ds of theft over such a stupid incident is bloody ridiculous.

I agree with other s who have said that they want him out so they dont have to worry about him.

If it is at all possible I would take him out now and then look at other schools. your Ds is not going to miss anything other than a load of crap. Poor thing

What!!! As a Senco, i'm dumbfounded. If this child was excluded for theft then that would be grounds for most of the kids in the country to be excluded. They are gunning for him. Perhaps he is difficult and challenging but they clearly don't want to know and soon he will start to pick up negative vibes, as will the other children about him and this can lead to ostracising and other nastiness. Get him out of there. Many comiserations. I have an incredibly dyspraxic child. May i recommend behavioural optometry and also cranial osteopathy. Both have worked on mine at different points in time. Mine can't handwrite well and certainly cannot draw but he got a B for GCSE Art! He is also the nicest person in the world. Don't let the schooling issue get to you and have a happy christmas. There are better schools out there and you will find one.

This is going to sound harsh but it's blatently obvious that this school does not want to educate your child under any circumstances. If you keep taking him then eventually they'll get the opportunity to do immeasurable damage to his self esteem. I've learned from bitter experience that once you let a child this young believe he's "a bad boy" the emotional damage can take YEARS to undo.

I would email the Head of Children's services at the LA + the SEN Officer & EWO/attendance officer asking them to help you source an alternate school placement as your child is currently unable to access the National Curriculum and this school is determined not to support his SEN as evidenced by the following:-

1. List each exclusion in date order and the ways in which your instructions for supporting his SEN were clearly NOT followed.

1. List his approximate attendance rate (eg if he's only allowed to do 1/2 days then his attendance can only be 50% at most). .

1. Give a date by which you expect to have met with them (eg end of the first week back after Xmas) to get this agreed.

1. Do point out that he is currently being assessed for a statement and that part 4 will need to be changed to account for his change of school.

1. Say you are making a FORMAL request for full-time home tuition from the 1st day of next term, until such a time as his new school placement can be arranged. (Sending a 4 year old to a PRU is silly. Let them pay to teach him at home where he'll be in a safe environment, littlies shouldn't be pushed from pillar to post for no good reason).

To help you do this please, please take a look at the IPSEA website - I found it a total godsend when my son was excluded

Copy this letter to the HT and chair of the governors at your current school together with a comment to say how disapointed you are that their insitution has so clearly ignored best practice on inclusion and that you have no choice but to send a copy of your letter to the LA to Ofstead as under current inspection rules special needs children's support is considered just as important as other measures.

Then sit back and wait for the fireworks early next term.
Don't let your baby step foot back in that school ever again, it's a very harmful environment for him.

On a slightly different note - do get his sensory needs checked out. My own son has dyspraxic traits and was forced to do the connors questionaire 4 times (adhd assessment) over a period of years before it was formally recognised that it was sensory problems that caused him to mimic adhd symptoms outside the home. In a very young child it's hard even for peads etc to tell the difference.

The therapies and strategies for adhd and sensory issues can be very different & the younger you can rule one or t'other out for sure then the easier it is to put the right help in place. My own child has made so much positive progress since this was recognised by the powers that be that I'd rec any other parent to just get it checked out iykwim.