elderly grandparents babysitting?

[elliejjtiny]

Sorry in advance if I sound ungrateful!

I have 3 DS's aged 6, 4 and nearly 2. DS2 has Ehlers Danlos Syndrome (hypermobility). Uses a wheelchair for most outdoor walks, gets tired easily, hates loud noises, can't go to the loo by himself, needs lifting, can only manage very part time hours at school. DS1 and DS3 are hypermobile but DS1 is just a bit unco-ordinated and DS3 just has mild development delay.

DH's grandparents are 80 and 84. Fairly active considering their ages and often take their grandchildren and great grandchildren out for the day (children aged 5-15). They want to do the same with my DC. They think they can handle all 3 of them on their own. I think they could handle DS1 on his own but not the other 2. We see them twice a week and I always say they are welcome to take the children on outings with me and/or DH but they want to do it on their own. They keep moaning that ours are the only GGC they are not "allowed" to look after.

I can't let DS1 go with them on his own as that would mean DS2 is excluded because of his disability. I can't let them take DS2 when they can't lift him, what if he needed the loo? (They probably wouldn't be able to get him out of his carseat either). Last time they were moaning MIL pointed out that she struggles to look after DS2 as he is hard work and she is 30 years younger than them but still they think we are depriving them of their GGC.

Am I being reasonable about this or horrendously overprotective?

I think you are being perfectly reasonable my mum openly admits she cannot look after dd (asd) and my other two she has 2 at most she is 44 my grandma who has no mobility issues is age 67 but knows my dd well says she can't cope with her I would tell them they don't realise how much care your dd needs so can they humor you and take him out alone before deciding they can handle all 3.

sorry how much care your ds needs

Its difficult isn't it. We just have one Ds with complex needs and it was a concern letting him go alone with the pils (in their seventies). It still is tbh - they took him to a show the other week and refused his wheelchair (he can walk short distances), brought him back covered in poo as MIL struggled to change his pad/clean him up; and were over an hour and a half late returning and didn't bother to call us to let us know!

But, i bet you and your dh are so good at looking after your dcs that the gps don't realise what the reality of looking after them is!

We don't leave both DSs with MIL. She is in her 70s, and sometimes struggles healthwise, so the only time she babysits is in our home (where there are safety things like gates and such set up) and only short time periods and only one child at a time. Generally she only watches DS3, as DS2 is just too much of a handful. I think that MIL would certainly be willing to watch both of them (has mentioned it) but we've pointed out that we won't generally leave both of them with DH or adult DD (!) as together they can be so exhausting, so I certainly wouldn't put MIL through that!