ASD and new car, any advice please

[FrustratedSycamoreSnowflake]

Dd is 4, and has a dx of autism (also S&L and developmental delay) and I think I've committed a huge "Oops"

We got a new car. Dd had a sit in it, and climb around when we got it. She seemed fine.
She quite happily gets in other people's cars, without issue. So didnt prepare her, we didnt think we'd need to.

We put her in it for school run, and it was a nightmare. She doesn't like it. We tried to keep her calm and say it was okay, was the same colour, etc. but it totally freaked her out. She was distraught by the time we got to school.

How do I rectify this?

Not a lot you can do really. We've had two new cars this year, DS4 non verbal ASD didn't really get a say in it. We just put him in the car and said where we were off to, and just left it at that.
DH went from a Ford S-max to a Jaguar. You couldn't get more different. He has got used to it, as has DS4!

Hi sallybear thanks for the reply.
Dd didnt get a say in the car, just a look around it when we got it home. (Gone from an estate to a people carrier because she attacks siblings within reach )

How long did it take your ds4, or was he okay with just knowing where he was going?

I wasn't expecting dd to react as extremely as she did.

DS4 is normally ok, but then every so often takes you by surprise by having a very unexpected meltdown. We decided to keep using my car (I changed people carriers this year - from a Peugeot 807 which he climbed up to get into to a new Ford Galaxy with normal opening doors and at a normal level), and left DH's as a curiosity. I took him out to school in it one morning and he was quite excited. I think that because he hasn't been in it at all, for the first month, that he was very curious. Now he looks at both cars and then me to see which car we will go in.
Have you looked at harnesses for your car to keep her in situ. I know that they use something at DS's school that looks like a double seatbelt. It works well.

Our OT is currently trying to secure funding for a traveller plus for her. At the moment she's in a 5point harness and 2 extra straps, which takes her seconds to get out of when she's that way enclined.

My ds has AS, so much more able to explain what's upsetting him. He has major issues whenever we change vehicles.

I just asked him why he gets so upset when we get a new car and this is what he said:

1. Firstly the car feels different, the way it moves on the road, the engine noise, the noise the wind makes, the vibration etc and that makes him feel 'horrible'.

1. He gets really emotionally attached to familiar objects and really can't cope with the loss of the old car. No matter how nice the new car is, it's the thought of never seeing or going in the old car again that upsets him.

1. He does get used to it eventually. His estimation was about two months, but I would say it's probably quicker than that.

We have huge problems at the moment, because our ancient VW camper, that we've had since he was born is on it's last legs, requiring ££££s to fix and not really worth doing anyway. Ds simply cannot cope with the idea of it going and there's no way we can afford to keep it - checkmate.

The only way he will agree to it is if we get a donor vehicle to replace the body and then transfer the engine and interior in minute detail to the new bodyshell. Unfortunately, our van is a rare type - so not easy to get a donor shell for and doesn't really suit our family's needs now we have 3 dcs, as we bought it just after we had ds and we were only going to have one dc.

Other people think I'm bonkers when I tell them we can't change our cars or the camper because of ds1, but his reaction if/when we do has to be seen to be believed.

This is interesting moosemama
1. Firstly the car feels different, the way it moves on the road, the engine noise, the noise the wind makes, the vibration etc and that makes him feel 'horrible'.
This could be it because it does feel and smell different, and it corners differently, And she's very "big" on sensory things.

I'm not sure about emotional attachment, it's not something she can verbalise, or make known.

After today, I think I would believe you without seeing your ds in action.
Dd was distraught, I've not seen her get that worked up over something in a long time, and didnt think the car change would have such an effect. As it didnt last time (last year)

Forgot to say, that's why I asked ds, because I thought he might be able to make some suggestions as to why your dd is finding the change so hard. He says it takes him a while to get used to the new movement, vibration, noise etc but he does acclimatise over time.

Re it having a bigger effect this time than last time you changed cars. Going from an estate to a people carrier would be very different than just going from family car to family car iyswim. People carriers sit higher on the road, there's greater visibility, so more visual distraction for her and as you said, they don't hug the road as well, so may feel a bit less stable and safe, especially when coupled with more room in the passenger area.

Is it perhaps worth trying a blanket tucked in around her or something to make her feel a bit safer - perhaps something familiar from home?

People who don't spend a lot of time with us generally don't tend to believe ds could ever have a major meltdown, mainly because he is so highly verbal and extremely logical, so they think he is 'intelligent' enough to know better - or so I've been told.