Will I be hard and bitter forever?

[JuicyShops]

Please can anyone help me understand the person I have become since my 3 children were diagnosed with a serious chronic medical condition. The condition is rare so the support isn't out there. My children live a normal (ish) life but take medication which they will take for the rest of their lives. They face a lifetime of problems. They face some daily problems nobody can see and the emotional implications, especially my eldest who is ay secondary school.

It has been well over a year now and I have become a cold, hard person. I find myself mentally belittling other people's problems. Isolating myself. I walk around with a cold hard look on my face.

I know people have many more difficulties than me, I ust find the unfairness of it all to take.

Juicy, it sounds like you need to see a therapist and just offload. It's very liberating and will give you the chance to grieve. Two of my dc have a genetic condition that has required 26 surgeries for my DD alone. It took me a few years before I could really face the facts of DD's future. Her little brother has it too, but not as severe. It helped to speak to a professional therapist.

Agree with juicy

I found I spent the early years very angry with people who didn't 'get it'. I was 'forced' to have some counselling as part of a home programme thing we were doing with ds1. I thought it was going to be pointless but it was one of the most useful things I did. I remember ranting on about people not getting it, and the counsellor asked me what different it made, why did I need people to get it. And I realised I didn't.

Also came to realise that okay ds1's life is always going to be a severely disabled one. But it's still the only life he's going to have, so it was up to us to make sure it's a good one.

I just thought id say I feel exactly the same I have stopped seeing friends because their problems are minor compared to mine so I feel scornful that they are finding them distressing when for me it would be a minor annoyance then I hate myself and mentally beaten myself about it not being up to me to decide another pain and whether I feel there reaction is appropriate and round in a circle it goes.

This plus I feel their constant dramas when they never have time for mine are draining me of energy I need to cope so I have isolated myself. I hate myself for thinking this way.

I think it's worth realising this is a very normal way to feel. And the intensity of the feeling should diminish, but don't beat yourself up for feeling it.

Time can help. Counselling can help. Finding others in a similar (if not exactly the same) situation can help.

Feeling that way is perfectly normal, so seconding everyone - hating yourself for how you feel is not right or fair.

You haven't become cold or hard - no one who was could have written your post. You are busy and have better things to think about than other people's problems, right now, that's all. By the way, a spot of compassion fatigue is pretty normal too.

What has happened to you is desperately unfair. But most bad things in life are unfair, some illnesses are tragic. Wallow for a bit. Be angry. Talk to someone you trust about how you feel´. Have you tried contact a family? www.cafamily.org.uk They are really sane and sensible, they'll be with you and help.

so glad it is not just me. I just see people with difficulties and think wow they are such an inspiration and always think I would be like that too! I want to but the anger is too overwhelming! I used to look at people thinking they were tough women and now I know a lot of people life has made them like that.

I find myself getting wound up too that some people don@t address the issue or avoid me altogether, then there are the ones (usually who have experienced it themselves) who do ask how you are and how are the children or even touch your arm!!!!

When someone says their child has a sore throat I want to say it is a sore f**cking throat! Try having kids who have to take medication are in daily pain and their future will be a struggle and it is a battle ust to be like everyone else.

It is very hard to find the one or two people you can truly trust they are often hidden in a multitude of friends.

We were all offered counselling but I declined it initially as I thought for the children it would make things worse but maybe I will consider it for myself and for the children during adolescence>

You could always have individual counselling. We've had a bit of everything: I had a few individual sessions at work, dd has ongoing counselling from CAHMS and we also get family therapy from CAHMS. I found it all helped in different ways, but the individual sessions were really useful as it was one place where I could actually tell someone what it was like for me.

I must admit when a kid at school was making a big over dramatic fuss about the teeniest little cut that you couldn't see on her finger that I really had to stop myself saying, 'my DS2 injects himself 4 times a day and sticks a needle to bloodtest himself at leadt 10 times a day so shut up!' But I didn't.

I've got friends who are stressing about which universty for their kids whereas I've just filled in SS adult care form for DS1.