Speaking up vs telling tales

[WeWilsonAMerryChristmas]

My DS is struggling with a child at school who also has a communication problem (though un-dx-ed). The other boy quite often loses his temper and can be a bit hitty for various reasons. (I know the family, they're all lovely, I simply don't think school is doing a brilliant job in supporting this other child.)

We've put a lot of work into encouraging our DS to speak to a teacher or grown-up if someone's hurting him or annoying him, but from a couple of things DS has said recently, I think he's become a bit of a tell-tale on this other kid. I want to nip that in the bud but I'm not sure how to teach DS to differentiate between 'real problems that you have to talk to a teacher about' and 'things that are a bit annoying but don't directly affect you so let them slide.' Of course DS is very rules-focused . But I think there's a culture in the class of blaming things on this other wee boy and I just don't want my DS to be a part of it. Anyone any ideas?

Would some social stories where you invent scenarios where someone is hurt or isnt hurt by someone being either unkind or just a bit daft help? I suppose the thing to focus on is whether the other child is hurting someone so teacher needs to know or just being a bit daft. By t he way I think it's great that you are tackling this as it will help your ds and t he other child in the long run.

My Dsd is at this stage. She is 6 going on 7 and every little thing that happens when she plays with the neighbor kids (who are NT) is reported. Big or small. And they report too (they are 6 and 4 yo boys). It's a mad world of tattle telling/reporting. I don't think there's a good way to stop it, and I don't want to put a chill on their reporting. I do just tell them all that we have to get a long and share and all that.

I hope someone else has more insight.

Cansu, was thinking that but with a sort of checklist (because it's vital my DS doesn't stop reporting back, his own needs make him a bit of a target). Situs where he has to check if anyone was hurt by a body (physically) or hurt with with unkind words = tell. If no-one is hurt = don't tell?

Monster - I'm kind of glad that the NTs are at it too, IYSWIM.

Poultergoose what a fab idea - I may take that and use that for toher things on my older DS.

wilson I walked up to school with DD (NT re this but dyslexic) this morning and she said " I have seen 4 peole this morning who should be put into prison. Well not people but spit." this is because she was listening when we told DS htat it was illegal to spit on the floorr ( well bylaw really) and you could be fined for it. She is 9. So I thnk a lot of children go through this sort of stage and it comes and goes.
I do very much like Poultergoose's advice though.

Ilisten she is quite right! I hate any sort of mucus, anywhere.

Poltergoose that is genius, thank you.