Annoyed with DS nursery. -Rant

[kyz1981]

This is more of a Rant really, My son is 2.4 yrs old and has/is in the process of being diagnosed with ASD, SPD, low tone and Hypermobility, Everyone knows he has this and the nursery he attends has knowledge of his needs and attends his care planning meetings and will be attending early bird.

His Sister attends the pre-school there and its the Nativity play tomorrow. It has been agreed over several weeks that He will be looked after by the staff so me and my hubby can watch our daughter- he is supposed to be singing but does not follow instructions and will not stand sit in one place so needs 1-2-1 to engage (if he will at all).. I checked and Checked and Checked all said it was fine - Until today when they decided that they had not got the staff and could not manage his needs as he requires a pushchair to walk round the corner to the hall as he likes to run in the rd and resists being held at all costs and they don't think he will enjoy it and think he will find it to hard. ( more like they will and can't be bothered).

I nearly burst into tears I was so angry as i would have no chance to find a babysitter and it would mean that either me or hubby would miss out on seeing DD. (Dd misses out an awful lot and rarely if ever gets to see both of us together at any evens.)

They then agreed to looking after him but only if he was left at the nursery with the babies and we paid for a full afternoon session- this will probably suit him better as he gets very very hyper and will injure himself when he is over stimulated - But he was supposed to be apart of the singing and I was left feeling very sad for him because he should be allowed the chance to sing if wants to, and feel like it was a big glimpse in to our future with him being excluded because people can't be bothered to put ion the extra effort to help him engage and participate, Oh and one member of staff was such a patronising cow she was lucky I did not slap her.

Just so angry and sad for him.

So sorry for you Kyz. There are so many different emotions going on here for you all at the same time. Sadness that your DS cannot take part in an activity that his peers will be joining in, sadness that your DD may not be able to have both her parents there to see her and sadness that one of you may miss out on seeing your DD perform. The latter two are exacerbated by the fact that they have been caused by nursery making a promise that they couldn't keep.
For you and your DDs sake, I hope that you are able to take the nursery up on the offer of paid for childcare so that at least you and your DH can both have the pleasure of seeing your DD perform.
Hopefully you will get a full DX for your DS soon and you will be able to apply for a statement and get 1-1 support put in place for him - and then the nursery will have to provide it. (Am assuming that he doesn't have official 1-1 support at present).

It is heartbreaking when you watch other children take things in their stride and wish that your DC could do it too. Life is always tough for siblings of children with additional needs. My DS has often only had one of us to attend events with him, but I always think - well at least he has 2 parents so it is usually possible for one of us to be there. It would be much tougher if I was a single parent. But I still regret all the things we haven't been able to do together as a family that other families often take for granted, simple things like bike rides or going swimming. DS is 16 now, so we won't get that time back with him. But your DD will grow up accepting it and not knowing any different. Perhaps when she is a little older, you may be able to find a 'Siblings Group' for her to join, where she can meet others who are in the same position.
I hope you can both get to the nativity tomorrow with or without your DS being there.

Thanks we have put him in for the afternoon as I have promised my DD that we would both be there, we are in the process of applying for a statement - He has 1-2-1 at nursery outdoors and in other rooms as he has no sense of danger, he also only attends the two quietest sessions so the staff can give him 1-2-1 for transitions and meal times.

We are expecting a diagnosis for the ASD on the 2nd of Jan, the Physio and Ot have already diagnosed the other bits and bobs.

I suppose its good evidence that he can't access everything and they can't meet all of his needs so that will aid some of the statement I think.

I am really hoping I can find a siblings group as my DD misses out on so much and its heartbreaking to watch her trying to play with her brother only to have him scream and meltdown when she comes anywhere near him- shes given up trying now.

I think I am going to sit down with the manager in the new yr and work on improving communication as I am still so annoyed that it was all so last minute.

That's such a shame for your family, particularly as you were so on top of it. I think you should meet with the manager, absolutely. DS was excluded from a planned event because they hadn't come up with a plan to include him, despite prompting from you. I think you're taking a lot of this onto yourself if that makes sense - please don't. Nursery failed you today, you didn't fail DS or DD.