Issue with school

[geeandfeesmum]

Hi, I am looking for some advice regarding my daughter?s school. She is Autistic and attends special school. DD is in her 1st term at school. She is 5 years old . She had her nativity last week. She did fine but was obviously upset when we left because she expected to leave with us. I took her back to class and although she was upset, she looked like she was calming down.

We left but got a phone call a few hours later to pick her up. Apparently, she had had a meltdown and bumped her head. We arrived at the school and spoke to her TA. She told us that DD had been trashing everything and throwing herself around and this is how DD had bumped her head. OK, that?s understandable, although she had already bumped her head twice already this week and we had had letters in her bag to advise us. The TA asked us what diagnosis DD had and what type of autism. She said that she had never seen a child act like DD did. She said she had been googling and thought it may be some kind of defiance disorder. She also asked what we did when she had a meltdown ie did we just give in to her or leave her to it or whatever. We said it depends what it is. She said they had some trouble with her earlier this week because she wouldn?t give back her doll when the timer ran out. She also said that they have tried putting her in the separation room but she likes it so that?s no use.

I just felt like she was saying that because she didn?t know what to do with her that she couldn?t possibly be autistic. I was really uncomfortable with the comment about the separation room. Surely, if you put someone in a room to calm them down and they like it then they will calm down. It sounded to me as though she was using at a punishment for having a meltdown. I am now worried sick that DD won?t even be able to cope with special school and I have know idea what other options there are.

I have decided to wait until the new year to discuss it with the school because, quite honestly, I am so angry and upset that I wouldn?t be very constructive. Does anyone have any advice to offer?

Tell her that she is not a paediatrician and being able to "google" does not qualify her to diagnose your child. She is not paid to diagnose. She is paid to work with your child and help her with her needs. personally, it sounds like she needs more training to understand not only the scope of her job, but also to understand how to deal with children with SNs.

She sounds autistic to me geeandfee

Did you only get to talk to the TA?

She sounds like she has no idea about what it is like to work with a child with autism.

I agree about the separation room it does sound like it is being used as a punishment, do you think your Dd would understand that she is being punished or would she quite like to go somewhere quite to play by herself?

Lots of the autistic children I know probably wouldnt really notice that there are no other children in there

I think you should make an appointment with the teacher or even HT before you break up and ask why the TA is making comments about your child's diagnosis. Presumably the school have her diagnosis letter anyway or her statement, dont they?

All sounds a bit strange to me, I bet the management team at the school dont know she has said this to you.

I agree that that using a quiet calm room should be to help your dd calm down. If she likes it and it helps her to calm down then that is surely good. I would agree that TA sounds very strange. I would also be concerned that she didn't know your dd was autistic. How can she work with the children and not know what their difficulties are? Very odd. I would agree you should make an appointment to discuss with teacher.

Gosh I wouldn't be happy either if DS ta said that to me!
If they wanted to ask me all those questions I would expect his teacher to ask for a little meeting ect
And she shouldn't be trying to DX other things she's not qualified to DX.

I would write it all down and keep all the letters, logs etc from now on.
Is it a special school for lots of different disabilities?
If so you may need to look at an autism specific school - or getting more autism specific support brought in
It sounds exactly like autism to me - just autism which may not be managed well!
Start collecting evidence and look around. Are there any private autism specific special schools? ABA schools? ABA consultants who could come into the SS and advise on how to manage behaviour with children with autism.
DS used to behave like this. He has been on an ABA programme for 3 years and almost never has meltdowns now.
Two main reasons - 1. he is rewarded for good behaviour and bad behaviour is as much as possible (unless its unsafe) ignored, and they use rewards which are very motivating for him - 2. they have done lots of work on his communication and language so he can now express his difficulties in a more appropriate way.
To get into an indep special school or get ABA funded you need to prove this school cannot meet need.
If this is what you decide you need to start collecting evidence. It is hard to get an LA to pay for a private school but mostly the provision is of a much higher quality.
I would meet the HT but I would try and get as much info as possible about what they find hard to manage
Then go away and think about what the options are and if you think its not the right place then ask the LA to do a reassessment
Go and look at other schools.
The HT should say if they think they cannot meet her needs, but if its an LA school they may be limited in what they are prepared to say.

Thank you for all of the replies. She is at an autism unit in a special school. There are only 5-6 children and 4 teachers/TA's. I am not sure whether the other teachers knew she was having this conversation with us or not. I think the reason it surprised us so much is that no one has ever questioned DD's diagnosis. She was diagnosed as a result of a doctor at our local hospital recognising traits during a meltdown (which we thought was an allergic reaction to antibiotics). DD is definitely autistic. No question about that. The TA just seemed to be looking for an excuse for why she couldn't cope with her. It does worry me for the future though, if they can't handle her now, how will they cope and how will we cope when she is older and stronger?

It is up to them to find strategies to help them, they should be working with you, asking you what works at home.
If she is melting down alot at school they need to be questioning what they are doing to set her off. They definitely shouldnt be blaming her.

Go in and talk to them, today

Good luck