Friday night is here

[TAturmoil]

Need lots of

Sorry you have had a horrid week

Dd3 went back to school after 2 weeks off. School was manic so on tuesday she sobbed and didnt want to go, same on wednesday.

She has settled back in now with some extra support and managed 2 full days at the end of the week.

Hoping she is on the mend now ready for xmas.

Work has been ridiculously mad this week, whole setting liberally coated in glitter and glue and children v excited

It's been non stop Nativity madness here DS4's Special School performed at the main church. A very joyous occasion. DS3 had his nativity and he was very lovely. The big two being in Secondary School no longer do stuff like that, so when you see the short two doing their "thing" it's heartwarming to see.

Took DS4 to our shopping Centre to see the Xmas display with his classmates. A ridiculous effort getting four wheelchairs onto a little train, for a ride that took 90 seconds! The mind boggles!

Nearly finished the Christmas shopping, the cards and just hoping that the washing machine hangs onto its ball bearings until the new year! Why do things always break down just before Christmas??? The law of Sod!

I'm off to London tomorrow with my bestie. We are indulging in a spot of shopping at Westfield and then off to the theatre to see Viva Forever. The reviews weren't great, so we are having a liquid lunch and having low expectations

Not nice week here either. Has the joy of reading school report for my child's statement application. It's probably good that it makes such miserable reading, but sigh. Big sigh. I don't know why but I was determined not to show any emotion. Next week I have a funeral and an ADOS assessment to look forward to. I have name changed this week. It's all a bit horrid and I am feeling totally shit but I need to stop thinking about it so much. It's just all the horrid crap from this year coming to a head at once.

Ps I am having dominoes pizza tonight so it's not all bad. Joust realised what a misery guts I sound.

Tops pizza here.

Baby William is 6 months old tomorrow!

Sorry for those having a bit of a shit time.

We are ticking along. Surviving, more than anything.

Mixed week here. Fab nativity where DS3 was a star. DS1 and DS2 did a good xmas concert. I even managed to go to the work xmas dinner.

But LA are playing silly games over speech therapy basically slashing and burning that part of his statement as NHS has obviously refused to fund what his statement says he needs. And just got a letter saying our nice SENCO is leaving . So will be our 3rd senco in 5 terms.

Sorry that so many are having a hard time.

Poor dd2 was off school all week, again this week, this time because her asthma was so bad, she was on a really high dose of steroids, so was manic and wheezing

Dd2 - 'watch me dance the chachacha, mummy'!

Me - 'SIT DOWN!!!!'

A long and frustrating week. But I got ds's learning disability referral done and dh and I had our bloods done and did all the paperwork for the study that ds is taking part in, so it felt good to get that out of the way.

here for anyone who needs it.

DS2's turn to be off school, this week, with a repeat of the mysterious one day "bug" (I started a thread about it because it's quite weird) DS1 was brought home early, yesterday, complaining of tummy ache. They weren't taking any risks. I think all he needed was a big drink and a big fart.

He came home early again, today, since it was the school fair and DH had the day off, so I collared him to cut his hair. He was pretty fidgety and has scratched himself raw and his hair barely looks any better than it was. Just a bit less like Sonic the hedgehog :o

Knock, knock pokes head round door - can I come in?
Not been in before but feel a bit outside RL ATM.
I've been off work all week with horrid cold, DD has hacking cough and been waking 4.30/5am.
DH who is a SAHD went to a Salt workshop today, first step towards therapy. DD will now be triaged on Monday but they seem to think she is still young (21mo). Oh and we had to leave her gym class early cos she was knackered and wouldn't/couldn't do stuff kids half her age were having fun doing.
Santa's grotto this pm was ok tho.

Sorry for all those having a hard week. Lots of or as required.

A good week here - dd1 has started playing, without adult mediation

Dd2 was playing a board game by herself, and dd1 walked up and said "can I play too?" and then sat down and listened to how to at and took turns etc. They played 3 different board games, then Sat and threaded beads together - not the usual ones that dd1 has, but the jewellery set beads that dd2 has, and dd1 managed them fine

So another big leap forward for dd1.

And the best news? Bloody Adele seems to be on the wane Mind you, the replacement (Take That) is already grating a little...

things have been calmer with ds2 behaviour this week but ive been feeling really anxious , palpitations and shaky, not nice .
after taking ds2 to the doctors last week with a swollen neck and realising hes losing weight he had a blood test. the incompetent buggers on the desk at our surgery got the results back on Monday but didnt bother to let me know. when i went in and asked on wednesday i was told the results had come back normal , then 2 hours later they tell me that was a mistake and they arent normal, but its nothing to worry about ! the doctor is away until thursday , so got to wait now to find out whats going on. i just cant help but feel worried.

Hothead - does changing the subject, so to speak, have any effect on your DS1. My DS1 is a bit older, but has always been challenging and is like a dog with a bone when he's decided that DS2's perceived to him inadequacies are particularly grating. He can't see that he's doing anything wrong and thinks his actions are totally justified. Sometimes there's an obvious sanction that actually has teeth eg "if you can't stay calm and stay away from DS2, then you're going to bed early" if he's being awful in the evening. Most of the time, all that helps, at least in the short term, is to break the pattern. "DS1, here's the sponge, could you give the table a wipe, please?" is motivating to him and will snap him out of a particular pattern, at least temporarily.

He's 9, btw. If it's a phase, it started before he was born. The little so and so had to be dragged out against his will then, too.

It does feel like rewarding, but I know that DS1's reached a stage where sometimes all he cares about is pissing me off to prove how pissed off he is.

I'm so looking forward to his teens

Aaaagh, I've updated the iPad ap and it's made the text all tiny. Can't read it properly now :( The pc is still in bits while we decorate it's room. (it's a box room and we've already been painting on and off (mainly off for 6 weeks) So I may not be on here much until its fixed.....

Sounds like a mixed week for you all (from what I could make out. Sorry if I have the wrong end of the stick).

Dd and I have been poorly all week. Work aren't impressed that I took time off to look after her but my mum is very ill, dh has no flexibility and there is no one else to care for her. Plus I'm ill too!! I went in thurs and Friday but didn't do a lot. (I can't breathe if I move around or talk...,)

We got dd back to school for her last nativity performance but she's suffering for it tonight :-(. Poor love turned down ice cream and left half her favourite cake at lunch. (almost grounds to rush her to A&E!). Very worried she has the virus that's hospitalised my mum, but even if she has the effects are supposed to be milder in children. It's hard not to worry about both of them though.

Very late to the thread tonight. Ridiculous week here, far to much to post, some good - some bad.

Hothead - I wanted to say your ds's behaviour sounds very similar to ds1's behaviour towards ds2. He does things like jump out on him all the time and ds2 regularly ends up in tears. He is also ridiculously intolerant of almost anything ds2 does - including breathing or moving. He is constantly on his back about something or other and ds2 really does struggle with it.

The only thing that works for us is clear cut rules and consequences in the vein or ask-tell-consequence type thing. So Ds1 stop teasing ds2 please, I have warned you to stop teasing ds2 - stop now or X will happen - right X is happening (usually being sent to another room on his own, which he absolutely hates).

Another thing we've tried was coming up with a safe word, rather than just telling ds2 to tell him to stop. We got them to think of a word that was unlikely to be used at any other time. Some people use 'pax' but my boys chose 'armadillo'. The rule is it is only to be used when either child is really getting distressed and the other child isn't stopping when asked. If they don't respond to the safe word it's instant loss of all computer time for the day, plus half an hour sitting on their bed.

You're absolutely right, all siblings do enjoy goading each other like this to some extent, but ds1 takes it to a new level and like your ds, seems to actually enjoy the power it gives him to elicit a response from ds2.

We do sit down regularly and explain how ds2 felt when something happened and try to relate it to something that ds1 has been through so that he can grasp that it's not funny, as it has a very real and upsetting impact on ds2. If we can get the angle right, so that ds1 can relate it to something he's experienced (usually having been teased or bullied at school), it definitely helps to temper his behaviour towards ds2 - for a while.

Perhaps try having a talk with your ds1 though and see if there are any problems in the playground at school, as this behaviour only started in ds1 after he was the victim of similar treatment from a group of bullies at school. He seemed interested in the control/power that the behaviour gave him, but having AS, was unable to understand that it made ds2 feel as bad as he did when he was being bullied. Prior to the bullying it would never have occurred to ds1 to tease or bully his little brother.

It always looked like ds1 was the instigator in any playground stuff - until we finally unravelled what had really been going on when he went into year 3. Turned out he was keeping a lid on things for ages, until he really couldn't anymore and then blowing. In his case it was always a big emotional outburst, lots of shouting etc, rather than physical and it always looked like it came out of nowhere, because it would happen when he really was at the end of his rope after endless teasing and subtle bullying. He wasn't able to explain to us what had been happening before then and the bullying behaviour was easy to misinterpret as part of play, unless you actually stood and specifically observed them over several playtimes.

We do get playground issues from lack of social understanding and misreading others' intentions as well, but his reaction doesn't tend to be as extreme.

Ds wouldn't go in a room on his own at 6.5 either, the compromise was for him to sit on the bottom step of the stairs for 5 minutes, but then he was compliant and wouldn't get off the step if that was the rule - I know that's not the case for lots of other children. It didn't work as a 'naughty' or 'thinking about it' step as is often used for nt children, but it interrupted the behaviour and by the time he came back in the room things had moved on so it worked to distract him and halt the incident and gave everyone else 5 minutes to recover.

I totally understand about the computer time, I feel exactly the same and have often chatted with other parents on here who struggle with exactly the same dilemma. As you said, it's often the only break the rest of the family gets, so ends up being as much a punishment for everyone else as it is for the child concerned, but I do think it's a necessary evil, iyswim. We have known increments of loss and ds is always warned that he will lose X minutes of computer time, so that he is aware of the consequence of continuing his behaviour.

To be honest, it only took a couple of losses for him to decide it's a good idea to reign it in when he's been warned. He is a lot better now and very rarely loses the whole of computer time - if he does, it's usually because he is generally in a state and not coping due to other things. (This morning would be a prime example and he's currently a whisker away from losing today's computer time, but he has a stinking cold and is struggling at school at the moment, as well as being stressed and anxious about secondary transfer this year.) Even though we know the reasons behind it, we are consistent with the rules and consequences, because he needs the consistency and the shock of losing computer time is often what he needs to bring him back down again. Not to mention, we have a duty to take care of his siblings emotional needs as well as his and we can't support him and their expense, they need to know they can trust us to handle the situation and protect them.

I've probably worded that really badly, as I also have the same stinking cold and am really woolly headed this morning.