DS (AS), Dad isn't interested - how to tell DS?

[BluebellBangles]

Has anyone got any suggestions on how I can explain this to my son, he's 6 and has AS. Basically his dad has stopped contact for good but I am stuck with explaining it to him.

I started a thread in chat but thought you all might have good suggestions in how to explain it in a way he will understand. He has been spending the weekend every fortnight with him and his family until now but has never been consistent in seeing him.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/1636061-How-do-you-tell-a-little-boy-his-dad-doesnt-want-to-see-him?msgid=35984219#35984219

Any wise geese around? The main problem im having is he won't really accept vague answers so I need to tell him something iyswim.

Someone on the other thread suggested telling him his dad moved to Australia but DS may become fixated on the country and will make obsessive plans to try and visit or move there.

Oh gosh. That's a really tough one.

I think you just have to tell him. I've sat looking at your post for 10 minutes and that's the only thing I can come up with. Tell him the truth. And it will be terrible for both of you, for a very long time. But I strongly believe you can't lie. I'm sorry, I'm about as much use as a chocolate teapot.

OK, if you make something up (like Australia) you're going to get obsessive questions/planning, etc.
If you tell him the truth you will also get obsessive questions, but at least at the end of it he will have 'truth'.

oooh I don't know. I'm sorry. I don't know what to tell you. But how awful for you both ((hugs))

Thanks for replying wilson, I was thinking along the lines of me having to just tell him the truth but I don't want to break his little heart. One time his dad was about 5 hours late to pick him up and he cried his eyes out and kept repeating 'why would he do this' but I've no idea how I can sugar coat this one.

I think however I say it I'll tell him tomorrow morning so he has the rest of the weekend to ask questions before going back to school.

I think 'daddy can't see you' rather than 'daddy won't' would maybe be better.

Oh I wish I could just reach through the screen and give you a big hug. a) because I know how hurt your DS will be and b) because I know how many questions you're going to have to answer about a horrible subject (I have a 'but why' boy too).

I glanced at the thread in chat and would second it's ok to say 'I don't know' too. It does mean you'll be asked again and again, but ultimately you can't know XP's motivations* so it's OK to not fill in the blanks.

*Other than he is a massive twunt, but obviously you don't want to say that to DS.

Yes you're right, as much as I'm tempted to make something up or say 'he'll see you soon.' I can't and should try and not give him false hope and should stick with the truth, that I really don't know if his dad will ever be in his life or not.

He made all these promises about seeing him over Christmas and what he was going to buy him too, but has now changed his mind. My son is the loveliest little boy on the planet and always makes me happy, even when he's being a challenge. I've no idea why anyone would turn down the opportunity to be a big part in his life.

Because they are massive, massive twunts. And it's their loss.