How to heal the relationship with Senco after the tribunal?

[Phenikz]

In our case the school and the Senco personally are really doing everything they can and even more. At the hearing she said she volunteers, she donates her time to do OT exercises with DS in PE. I totally appreciate and value this. This is exactly why I appealed for more hours. We are not really at the opposing sides. However the LA nailed the Senco at their shield, so she must have felt under attack for no fault of her own.
I can?t wish for a better Senco and support she provides, however I also need some space, I can?t raise to all of the school?s expectations of me. The school wants me to entirely deal with all of the DS (AS, ADHD) homework problem. For this I need to be an absolute wizard of organisation, communication and interaction, control and teaching skills. I have AS myself and I find it hard to be on top of my own business, let alone to micromanage my rebellious DS. I was trying to explain that and pushed back politely in an email and in conversations. Perhaps, being ASD, I didn?t convey how upset and on the edge I was feeling about it. This all exploded at the tribunal and the Senco perhaps felt that I turned on her. But I am not the one who put her in this position at the tribunal.

So I would appreciate any thoughts on how to heal the situation now that the tribunal is behind us.

i think you should meet with her and just say what you have posted above. she sounds a good senco so i am sure she is just as keen as you to build bridges and will understand that the tribunal positiin caused this rather than a personality difference between the two of you. and be honest with her and explain how you find things difficult, i am sure she will understand

I already explained all this in conversations before the tribunal, at the tribunal and after. They know I am ASD. They don't register because I am so normal.
I think the tribunal is emotionally draining for everyone.

Any ideas how to make her feel better and regain some mutual trust. Something genuine and profound, something effective that I haven't thought of?

Just send her a nice card saying 'Thank god that's over'. I hope that the school now gets the support they need to enable you to do your job as well as I know you are keen to do without having to volunteer so much of your own time, which has been very much appreciated.

Hope you have a nice Christmas blah blah...

stars idea is a very good one. she probably feels just as bad as you and is probably also trying to figure a way back from the tribunal. tribunals are so adversial putting everyone up against each other and sadly sometimes you have to foight for your child and this can be the fall out. the wording star has put is great

Write a letter to the HT, requesting that it go into her record of employment, saying all of the above. I did this for my old senco as she worked hard for my ds. I handed it the HT and apparently the Senco burst into tears when she read it. The same Senco still keeps in contact with me and the letter helped the school and any future employers know what an asset she is.

I think a card for the SENCO as star says and also some sort of more 'official' letter to the school would be helpful. I wrote in about our absolutely exceptional first year teacher and she was - apparently no-one had ever taken the time to write in and praise her. I was at that because she was an amazing teacher.

I do agree that the system is set up to be adversarial which is very difficult when there's actually good people caught up in a shit system.

I would just speak to her openly about it and say that you didn't want to be against her at tribunal but that it was beyond your control and that you are putting your son's interests first as any parent should, and she would presumably do the same if it was her son?

In situations like this I've often said quite bluntly that it's not personal, my daughter's interests are the reason for whatever I decide to do or not to do. If the SENCO can't understand this then it's not your fault, OP.

Tribunal situations should never become about the egos of the professionals involved, even though this sadly happens a lot.

I also agree a Christmas card and gift for the work she does would be a good idea - it will show you have no bad feelings.

Thank you all very much. I didn't know that I could ask to put my good comments on her employment records. This would really give her some public recognition. Excellent idea. I would do the card and a cake and the letter. Hope she wouldn't send them back...

i would love to know outcome after you do this.