cant quite put my finger on it, opinions?

[wannabedomesticgoddess]

DD1 is almost 4. I posted here earlier in the year because I suspected ADHD. But when I spoke to her dad (my ex) about it he basically rubbished what I was saying. Maybe I shouldnt have, but I put it out of my mind.

Anyway, she started school in september and calmed down a bit. But her behaviour still doesnt seem quite right to me. Yet I cant put my finger on what it could be.

Recently she has started making noise constantly. She has always been a chatter box. But now if she has nothing to say she hums or sings or makes clicky noises. If I tell her to stop she does but a minute later starts again. Its as though she cant help herself. She repeats things off the tv. She also mimicks DD2s crying though that is not as often.

She asks constantly what day it is, and the conversation follows the same pattern everytime. She will ask DP and then me. The same goes for the time. This could just be normal curiosity, but again, theres something nagging in my head about it.

School havent raised any concerns, but I am worried about her interaction with other kids. Shes fine with adults, not shy at all. But she holds back with kids. Shes fiery at home but is a pushover with others her age. She also will chat to any adult at all. Should a 4 year old not be starting to pick up on the differences between adults she knows and strangers?

Like I say, maybe I am overthinking it. But I was talking to MIL last night about it. She used to be a Social Worker and she said she thought DD was gifted as she is so advanced in speech and knowledge etc but that I should trust my instincts as a mother.

Im now worried that she agrees theres something wrong but didnt want to come out and say it incase it offended or upset me.

Could it be Aspergers? Or something else I have overlooked?

Thankyou for reading :)

The thing is wannabe, if your Dd's development or aspects of it are worrying you, you need to get it checked out, other wise its going to drive you barmy.

What do the school say about her? Do they have any concerns.

I would suggest keeping a diary of any quirks/unusual behaviours, what causes them[if you know] and how you deal with them.

Then if you are still worried, make an appointment with your GP and ask for a referral to a developmental paediatrician.

Keep coming on here and keep talking to your MIL.

Good luck

Thanks!

The teacher just said that shes good with taking turns which a lot of the others werent (I think she just holds back and I have witnessed this, so shes not consciously taking turns iyswim) and that she sometimes chooses to play alone but isnt excluded as such. But something in the way she has said it made me think that DD is choosing to play alone because its easier than being rejected.

DD has told me she has had time outs, but the teacher didnt mention them, even when I directly asked. She explained the procedure but nothing about DD specifically. So if they arent raising that with me, what else arent they raising?

I live in NI and I have heard the support isnt as good here for things like ASD. I know that my cousin (who got an Aspergers dx when he was 3) got very little support and is now very troubled with it as a teen.

I guess I want to know if my feeling is right so that I can start fighting now. But when her dad is telling me shes fine, and my family dont see any issues, and MIL wont be frank about her opinion, I guess Im scared of rocking the boat and labelling DD at a young age when maybe it is normal.

Could she have mild sensory issues?

In a child this young it's easy for sensory stuff to look like adhd. My DS was given the connors questionaire (adhd home/school assessment questionaire) 4 times. He is very definately not ADHD!! However he has sensory stuff going on that is quite serious.

Keep a behavior diary including making a note of the environment (stong smells, sounds, lighting conditions, textures etc) for a couple of months.

Now his pitch sensitivity is finally recognised and the world knows that if you take him away from the sound that overwhelms him the odd behavior stops straight away. (We've done a lot of work over the last year on his vision and balance that has REALLY helped him a lot too)

It's not something that schools are generally aware of at all though, nor many peads so a diary is the right place to start, so you can start to identify behavior patterns over time.

Many sensory issues can be significantly helped through the appropriate therapies while a child is still primary aged- the hard part really is identifying them in the first place.

I did notice that she really hated any kind of loud noise and it made her quite panicky and emotional. But that was maybe a year agoand I couldnt say the same now.

Some of the behaviours which made me think of ADHD are still there, but they have largely gone. Her concentration has improved a lot, but is still selective.

I think I am now more troubled by the repetitive behaviour and social issues.

Shes also very highly strung and can go from 0 to full blown tantrum in seconds. Gets very angry, struggles to speak sometimes even when calm.

But like I say, no one else seems to share my concerns and instead put it down to her being too intelligent for her peers. But academically this doesnt ring true.

Can you tell Im bewildered by it all?!

I cant help at all but she sounds a bit like my ds1, he is undiagnosed but has sensory issues according to an OT and i suspect more. Just wanted to say it can very frustrating when you can see problems that others notably schools can not, ds1 is now approching 7 and still 'not right' i wish id seeked help so much earlier.

I am not trying to suggest any kind of diagnosis for your dd but thought it might be useful just to share my experience of my ds as there are a few similarities. He is 5 and has high functioning autism (which is sometimes called Asperger's too), and is also currently obsessed with asking about time, time of day, how long until x, etc. I have come to the conclusion he is trying to comprehend the structure of a day and build himself a framework so he knows what's coming up, and what to expect.

Children/adults with ASD (at any end of the spectrum) can feel anxious if they don't know what to expect, so can build themselves rituals or get into repetitive conversations to reassure themselves.

The thing that I would recommend you doing something about, regardless of diagnosis/label, is to introduce some support with interaction with children her own age. The school should be supporting you on this too. Ask for a meeting to discuss your concerns and ask if they can put in extra support for her - eg small group play activities, group games. And don't let them fob you off with "they all do that" kind of stuff - your knowledge of her is far, far greater than theirs and you can illustrate to them how easily her behaviour could be misunderstood and how some real difficulties might be being masked - the 'sharing' thing is a good example, as you can see that what is being taken as 'good sharing' is actually her not knowing how to really join in or assert herself.

I also agree with everything ineedpigsinblankets said.

I think a diary is your first step. Give yourself a timeframe - say 2 months - and write down everything that you see as being 'odd' or 'different' behaviour.

Keep talking to the school. One thing to be very aware of is that girls are much better at 'masking' their behaviours, so can be seen to be managing fine at school, all for it to fall apart at home. (It's one reason why girls are under-diagnosed for autistic type problems, compared to boys.) - school genuinely may not see any problems. Doesn't mean they're not there.

The other thing is - children with ASD/ADHD/Social communication disorders continue to develop - just that its at a different rate from their peers with problems in specific areas. You talk a lot in your posts about her improving - which of course is brilliant - but that doesn't mean that there isn't an underlying issue and that she wouldn't improve faster with the right supports in place, does that make sense?

One thing that I wish someone had told me. There's no harm in assuming a 'worst case scenario' and acting as though you have a dx, even if you don't. You can start to read up on things like sensory processing, ADHD, ASD and start to implement strategies and techniques to improve things. You can't do any harm by doing this and you can do so much good. We wasted 18 months waiting for a dx, I wish someone had said to me 'ok, worst case scenario is he is on the spectrum, let's crack on with some stuff as if we have a diagnosis.' At the very least it would have saved me 18 months of transition tantrums

Thank you all so much. I feel so much better and less like I am going crazy.

bialystockandbloom I have just read your post nodding my head. DD is always very eager to know whats happening next, is very repetitive with conversations about when she is going to her Dads (always the same two nights) or what we are doing next. I forgot about this as it did used to be a lot worse. Probably when she couldnt communicate with me to ask certain things.

I realise that despite the improvements I can see, there may well be an underlying issue. Im very keen to get her whatever support she needs. I have witnessed what happens to teens who havent had that support and that isnt what I want for DD.

I will start a diary today. DP thinks Im seeing things which arent there. But he is willing to support me in this.

So I just write down any behaviours I think are off and the general environment and situation at the time?

Can anyone recommend any good websites or books about ADHD/ASD or sensory issues that I should be reading?

Yes, write down anything that seems unusual to you. Incidents of repetetive behaviours that concern you. Write down what causes the behaviour so that you can see if it is sensory issues that upset her or something else.

Good luck